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 Posted: Sat Feb 02, 2008 7:01 pm
"No, I have no choice," she said softly. "I don't really know any other way to exist. Though I admit, things have been a little better of late..." The kindness of others, she thought remembering how another pony, this one nothing like her Azaroth, had made her feel. Accepted, a part of something...a friend, family? It truly does make a difference.
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Posted: Sat Feb 02, 2008 7:05 pm
Emir smiled slowly. "There is a start at least. The sad thing about your situation is that you have to re-learn how to think. Think without already accepting that you're in the wrong."
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Posted: Sat Feb 02, 2008 7:19 pm
"I was in the wrong," Delilah winced. "I betrayed him."
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Posted: Sat Feb 02, 2008 10:03 pm
"And now he is dead," said Emir bluntly. "And that's about it. But he cared about you. I don't think he would blame you and if he does I am disgusted to find myself compared to him. He would want you to be happy- wouldn't he feel guilty seeing you guilt your life away?"
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Posted: Sat Feb 02, 2008 10:13 pm
"We wouldn't be here asking these questions if I had done differently," she said darkly. "I take little comfort in thinking of what he would want me to do..." She shifted, "He may have wanted nothing but my happiness, but I can not forgive myself for what happened to him."
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Posted: Sat Feb 02, 2008 10:17 pm
Emir nodded and smiled widely. "Thank goodness. If you were swayed by such goodwill twoddle you couldn't have been who you are. Well, if you cannot forgive yourself you must live with the guilt. Do not let it consume you or fade away, but just let it be. A symbiosis with your happiness. Feel other hings also, but they are neither less nor more important than your unforgiving nature... when it comes to yourself."
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Posted: Sat Feb 02, 2008 10:25 pm
"It's difficult to feel anything else," she said closing her eyes. "Partially because I don't want, I don't feel I deserve to..."
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Posted: Sat Feb 02, 2008 10:29 pm
Emir nodded. "I don't know how you feel. But my best friend... my blood brother... I know he feels the same. But, I suppose if you thubk about it, if feeling guilt is apermanent proviso to your life, then you can also feel other things as long as you also feel guilty. Happiness, sadness, fear, Love..."
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Posted: Sat Feb 02, 2008 10:37 pm
"No..." she said softly. "I find my brief times of happiness in the sympathy, the tenderness, shown to me by those that seem to care, but it seems foolish to seek out such emotions while knowing I'll also feel the horrid guilt. It doesn't seem right to seek one while burdened by the other." She sighed shaking her head. "I know I am making little sense. I just don't feel like I deserve happiness, though it has come back into my life. And I know I don't deserve love, but I feel that there too, lingering...I don't know what to do with it."
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Posted: Sat Feb 02, 2008 10:41 pm
"My Lady, you make perfect sense," said Emir earnestly. "But life without love is no life at all, at least that's what they say. I personally find love a burde. Perhaps because ever has it been unrequited... perhaps I should just move on... but whenever I think of doing that I..." he shook his head. "I feel like a coward. Perhaps I know a little of how you feel. You must find your own solution. I hope you find the right one."
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Posted: Sun Feb 03, 2008 9:23 am
"If a solution even exists," she sighed resting her head on her front hooves. "I'm certain I have no idea of what it could be."
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Posted: Sun Feb 03, 2008 12:37 pm
"If it were easy to find, you would have found it already. It is my understanding that solutions are only found in the persual of a solution," said Emir sadly.
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Posted: Sun Feb 03, 2008 12:47 pm
"Somehow that doesn't seem very helpful," she said softly.
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Posted: Mon Feb 04, 2008 12:36 am
"Well of course it isn't a quick fix, but you wouldn't want one of those. I wish I wasn't so ignorant in these matters... perhaps then Inwould be of more help."
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Posted: Mon Feb 04, 2008 12:22 pm
"Why would you say that?" she questioned. "You seem as knowledgeable as anyone else in such matters."
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