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Well, I feel that this is something that a couple needs to discuss at great length (hopefully before they ever have sex at all, as well as after they get pregnant unintentionally). I hope that any woman not in an abusive relationship would discuss a pregnancy with her partner!

But there comes the problem when a couple didn't discuss this matter beforehand, and disagrees about what to do about the unintentional pregnancy. Who should get the final say? The woman? The man? Should they have to take it to court (and how could there be a court that could rule on this before the pregnancy was over?)?

I agree with you there.

Thankfully, all members of my family are no longer with abusive partners.

I've heard of cases where a biological parent's rights were severed due to abuse, but also of many more cases where this couldn't be proven and so couldn't happen. It's a very scary situation. I've heard of women (and I'm sure there are also men) who have fled with their children from abusive relationships and not been found by their abusers. Of course, this also means no child support, so it isn't the best solution (of course, the best solution would have to be to never get involved with someone who is abusive, but sometimes bad things happen, and the best thing that one can do is to leave the abusive relationship), but it is better than staying with someone who harms you or your children.

There have been cases of women being killed by (presumably) abusive boyfriends and husbands because they refused to abort, so it isn't as though all abusers would want children. *sigh* I just wish there were some way to keep people from abusing anyone.

In reading over this post, I'm left with the impression that you and your husband are in touch with your familes and (correct me if I'm wrong) they would be upset if you had a baby and gave it up for adoption. Would they be willing to help if the situation came up? My sister has taken in not one but two of her step-grandchildren when necessary (the younger one ended up being adopted by an aunt). Also, there really are a lot of organizations out there to help with children. I realize that there's little chance of such a thing happening, but there really are other options besides just abortion or adoption.

If someone is abusing you, stab them in their sleep. Not being facecious. I don't stand for that s**t. If there is absolutely no legal way to make them gtfo, destroy the problem.

Although I understand why you would feel that way, my intention would not be to hold the fetus responsible for the sins of its father. Instead, it would be to keep the father the hell away from me. If there was some other way for me to ensure that the man couldn't hurt me, my decision might change. But the court system isn't set up that way. It is almost impossible to keep parents away from their children, even if the parents are abusive. If the father abuses the mother (or the other way around) the courts often rule that this has nothing to do with the abuser's right to see his/her child. If the abuser hurts the child, the court system is often really, really willing to give second, third, fourth, and millionth chances even if the abuse was really bad.


See, but if the father claims his parental rights, you can't stick the child up for adoption. At best, he would get the kid. At worst, he'd get the kid and sue you for child support, leaving you in the same situation of being stuck with him as if you had kept the child. And quite frankly, I'd rather have an abortion than knowingly hand my child over to an abusive person. Not all people are going to agree with me here (and that's okay) but that's where I stand.


But then I would likely go to jail, and I think jail can be pretty damned abusive, too. emo

It's not ok to kill an abuser using your offspring as a trap, but it IS ok to kill your offspring to get him away? Seems a bit unfair, to me. I'm not for the "sins of our fathers" thing.

Well, killing the abuser to keep myself from being abused wouldn't work (as I would probably end up in jail, an abusive place) but having an abortion (killing my offspring) would. Certainly killing my abuser would keep him from abusing me, but I haven't managed to accomplish much if someone else takes his place.


I hate to say this, but it's an unfair situation. If it wasn't, then abusers wouldn't be able to use their children to get at their victims.


Once again, it has nothing to do with the sins of the father. It has to do with not being abused. It's kind of like how I would absolutely, positively terminate a pregnancy that resulted from rape unless I was absolutely, positively sure I could terminate the rapist's parental rights. I am not tying myself to someone who is going to hurt me. I'm sorry, but that's just not a sacrifice I'm willing to make. If you can think of options other than putting myself in a situation where I am going to spend years (if not longer) being abused so that the fetus can be born, I'm willing to listen.