Welcome to Gaia! ::

It tis silent

Bobobo

I'm really bored. Song Time!

I can see clearly now the rain is gone,
I can see all obstacles in my way,
I'm sorry that's all I know,
But it's going to be a bright sun shiny day.

Dododo

Page six is mine
But who will take time
To challenge my might

Hm, odd.

Fofofo

I guess no one is on.

Hoehoehoe

Lmao, I still have to figure out a way to get you all your prize money.

I think every ten pages I will add up the winners and trade them things of equal value, so keep dominating!!!

I will win
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bad Jokes

Take What You Want
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want.'"

The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
Crude Sex Jokes
Q. You know why they say that eating oysters will improve a man's sex life?
A. Because women know if he'll eat one of those, he'll eat anything!
Q. Did you hear Richard Simmons had plastic surgery to get his love handles removed?
A. Yeah...now he has no ears.
Punishments in Hell
Guy goes to hell and is met by the devil, who explains that the
punishments are changed every thousand years and he is to
select his first punishment.

First room has a young guy on the wall being whipped. The
new guy not keen on this asks to see the next room. The next
room has a middle aged guy being tortured with fire.

The new guy immediately asks to see the third room. It has a
really old guy chained to the wall getting a blow job from a
gorgeous blonde.

The guy jumps at the chance and takes the room.

The devil walks into the room taps the blonde on the shoulder
and says "okay, you can stop now. You've been relieved".
Great Pet
A guy walks into a bar and sees another guy sitting with a ferret. The guy seems to be stroking it rather lovingly. The first guy asks him, “Why are you stroking that ferret?”

He replies, “Well my friend, the ferret gives the best head in the world.”

“Bullshit, there’s no way a ferret can do that.”

“Go try yourself.”

So the first guy takes the ferret and goes into the bathroom. A few minutes pass and suddenly there’s banging and moaning and screaming coming from the bathroom. The first guy comes out, stroking the ferret lovingly and looks at the second guy. “I will give you $500, no $1000, for this ferret.”

The second guy thinks about it for a little while and then nods. “Alright, a thousand dollars it is.”

The first guy pays the second guy and takes the ferret home. He places it on the table in front of his wife and tells her the story. She looks at him in amazement, “What am I supposed to do with a $1000 ferret?”

“Teach it to cook and get the ******** out!”
Cleaned Up
A man was walking down the street when he was approached by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you use it to gamble instead of buying food?" the man asked.

"No, I don't gamble," the homeless man said. "I need everything I can get just to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on greens fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"

"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.

"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.

"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded.

"Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

The man replied, "That's okay. I just want her to see what a man looks like who's given up beer, gambling, golf, and sex.”
Freezing To Death
Two men waiting at the Pearly Gates strike up a conversation. "How'd you die?" the first man asks the second.
"I froze to death," says the second.
"That's awful," says the first man. "How does it feel to freeze to death?"
"It's very uncomfortable at first", says the second man. "You get the shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. But eventually, it's a very calm way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if you're sleeping. How about you, how did you die?"
"I had a heart attack," says the first man. "You see, I knew my wife was cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly. I ran up to the bedroom, and found her alone, knitting. I ran down to the basement, but no one was hiding there, either. I ran up to the second floor, but no one was hiding there either. I ran as fast as I could to the attic, and just as I got there, I had a massive heart attack and died." The second man shakes his head. "That's so ironic," he says.
"What do you mean?" asks the first man.
"If you had only stopped to look in the freezer, we'd both still be alive."
Hostages
A murderer, imprisoned for life, broke free after 15 years and was on the run. He broke into a house and tied up the young couple he found in the bedroom; the man to a chair on one side of the room and his wife to the bed. The helpless husband watched him get on the bed, straddle his wife and start to nuzzle her neck. His wife started to move her head violently, at which the man got up and left the room.

The husband squirmed the chair across the room to his young wife and hissed, "Darling, I saw him kissing you. He probably hasn't seen a woman in years. Please cooperate. If he wants to have sex, just go along with it and even pretend you like it. Whatever you do don't fight him or make him mad. Our lives may depend on it!"

"Darling," the wife said, spitting out her gag. "I'm so relieved you feel that way. He wasn't kissing me, he was whispering to me. He told me he thinks you're really cute and asked if we kept the Vaseline in the bathroom."
Cheese Sandwich
A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:

Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Hand Job: $10.00

He checks his wallet for the necessary payment, then he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men.

"Yes?" she inquires, with a knowing smile, "can I help you?"

"Yep, I was wondering," whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the hand jobs?"

"Yes," she purrs, "I am."

Replies the man, "Well, then, wash your hands because I want a cheese sandwich!"


On The Road
A trucker who has been out on the road for two weeks stops at a brothel outside Melbourne. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, "I want your ugliest woman and a devon sandwich!!" The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my finest ladies and a three-course meal." The trucker replies, "Listen Darlin, I ain't horny, I'm homesick."
Smart Horse
The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian war party.

The Indian Chief proclaims, "So, you are the great Lone Ranger. In honor of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days. But, before I kill you, I will grant you three requests. What is your first request?"

The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse."

The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger, who whispers in Silver's ear and the horse gallops away. Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back.

As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.

The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed. "You have a very fine and loyal horse but I will still kill you in two days. What is your second request?"

The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear. As before, Silver takes off across the plains and disappears over the horizon.

Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a brunette, even more attractive than the blonde. She enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.

The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed. "You are indeed a man of many talents but I still kill you tomorrow.”What is your last request?"

The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse....alone."

The Chief is curious but he agrees and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent.

Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says, "Listen very carefully you dumb a** horse. For the last time . . . BRING POSSEEEE!!!!"
True Story
True story, I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.
"The moral of this story is:" "Always keep your condoms in your car.”

Kekkai Genkai (Advanced Bloodline, Bloodline Limit)
Throughout the infinite villages of Naruto there lay many clans, each of these clans has their own unique traits that make them uniquely, identifiably theirs. However, there are only a few clans who can say that they have a kekkai genkai, or advanced bloodline in their clan. An advanced bloodline refers to something that is passed down generation to generation in a specific clan, it is in the genetic makeup of each clan that can not be duplicated or imitated by any method. Advanced bloodlines are always used to the advantage of the user, improving their chances in combat and making them a very worthy opponent. The rulers and warlords of each country had taken advantage of each bloodline to it's fullest extent to help their chances in war, and thus the people began to associate advanded bloodlines with war and pain. This reached the point of hatred towards anybody who was part of these special clans resulting in the genocide of these individuals and whole families, as was the case with Haku.
Byakugan (White Eyes, Evil Eyes) Read More


Clan: Hyuuga Clan
Country: Fire Country; Hidden Leaf Village
Description: The Byakugan, literally White Eyes, (or Evil Eye as it is known in the English translations) is a very special condition of the eye that occurs naturally in all members of the Hyuuga clan. While it is believed that the Byakugan is...

Mastery of Water & Ice Read More


Clan: Unknown Clan (Haku)
Country: Water Country; Hidden Mist Village
Description: The bloodline allows him to move at the speed of light between the mirrors, bouncing back and forth to the point where the opponent can not judge where he is at, while allowing him to throw piercing needles at his opponent...

Sharingan (Copy Wheel Eye) Read More


Clan: Uchiha Clan
Country: Fire Country; Hidden Leaf Village
Description: The Sharingan, literally Copy Wheel Eye, is a very special condition of the eye that occurs naturally in some members of the Uchiha Clan. While it is believed to have been derived from the Hyuuga clan Byakugan the abilities...

Shikotsumyaku (Corpse Bone Pulse) Read More


Clan: Kaguya Clan
Country: Sound Country; Hidden Sound Village
Description: Kimimaro has displayed the Kaguya clans frightening and graphic ability to manipulate their bone structure, they can control the density, the shape and the movement of their bones and use them as weapons...


After having read this list you may be asking yourself why things such as Akadou Yoroi's chakra leach, or the Aburame clans ability to host bugs in their body, or even Kidomaru's spider web abilities are not included on this list. The reasoning for this is simple, because as the second data book on the Naruto series states, it is not an advanced bloodline if they are not genetic, rather these skills had to be learned and may have become a clan trait or secret technique. Although it may be just unique to one clan it can not be considered a special bloodline as people born to other clans could learn techniques such as those.