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 Posted: Thu Mar 09, 2006 3:50 pm
Good:
Madison, WI policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but wasn't getting many. Then he discovered the problem - a 12-year-old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign, which read "RADAR TRAP AHEAD." The officer then found a young accomplice down the road with a sign reading "TIPS" and a bucket full of money. (And we used to just sell lemonade!)
BETTER
A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar post in La Crosse, WI. A $40 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40. The police responded with another mailed photo of handcuffs.
BEST
A young woman was pulled over for speeding. As a Wisconsin State Trooper Officer walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said, "I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the State Troopers Ball." He replied, "Wisconsin State Troopers don't have balls." There was a moment of silence while she smiled, and he realized what he'd just said. He then closed his book, got back in his patrol car and left. She was
laughing too hard to start her car.
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Posted: Fri Mar 10, 2006 2:03 pm
hahaha thats great!
Should Children Witness Childbirth?
Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The
house was very, very dark, so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a
3-year-old girl, to hold the light high over her mommy so he could see
while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently Kathleen did as she
was asked. Her mother Heidi pushed and pushed, and after a little
while Connor was born.
The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his
bottom. Connor began to cry. The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for
her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-year-old what she thought about
what she had just witnessed.
Kathleen quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the
first place. Smack his a** again."
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Posted: Wed May 17, 2006 11:11 am
Are you tired of those sissy-a** "friendship" poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship:
I. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against
the sorry b*****d who made you sad.
2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile -- I will know you finally got laid.
4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much
Worse it could be until you quit whining.
6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.
7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy a**, then help you up.
9. This is my oath..... I pledge it to the end! "Why?" you may ask; because you are my friend".
Send this to 10 of your closest friends...then get depressed because you can only think of 4.
Remember: A good friend will help you move, but a REALLY good friend will help you move a body. Let me know if you ever need me to bring a shovel.
Friendship is like peeing your pants -- everyone can see it, but only you
can feel the true warmth.
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Posted: Wed May 17, 2006 11:27 am
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied, " When I am worried about getting nervous on the
pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get
nervous, I take a sip."
So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.
At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.
He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on
the door:
1. Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his a**.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the s**t out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his a**.
10.We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
11.When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say " Eat me" .
12.The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry,.
13.The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.
14.Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St.Peter's not a
peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
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Posted: Tue May 30, 2006 9:55 pm
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Posted: Tue Jul 11, 2006 2:43 pm
The two inventors of the bungee rope went to Spain to test their invention. They built a 50-foot tower and, once completed, one of the guys stood on the edge of the platform and dove into the air with the rope tied to his feet. The other guy, standing up on the platform, waited until his friend returned up so that he could grab him. The first time his friend sprung up, he tried to grab him but missed and noticed that his head was swollen. The next time, he missed again and again there was a bruise on his head and face. This time, with much concern, he dove forward to get his partner, pulled him in and asked, "What happened? Is the cord too long?" His partner replied with his face all bloody, "What is piñata?"
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Posted: Tue Aug 22, 2006 8:36 am
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Posted: Sun Sep 10, 2006 4:39 am
which side of a bear is furryier?
THE OUTSIDE, of course.
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Posted: Fri Sep 29, 2006 9:12 pm
Comic Slashie found and sent me...don't know where it originated from! 
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Posted: Sat Sep 30, 2006 11:07 am
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Posted: Sun Oct 01, 2006 7:59 pm
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Posted: Tue Nov 14, 2006 10:38 am
 I guess this one is probably more amusing if you work with children... or have younger siblings.
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Posted: Thu Dec 07, 2006 8:55 am
this isnt super funny but my dad forwarded it to me and i figured i need a 'joke' to post in this thread to keep up the 'let's randomly post in every thread!' momentum.
A United States Marine was attending some college courses between assignments. He had completed missions in Iraq and Afghanistan. One of the courses had a professor who was a vowed atheist and a member of the ACLU. One day the professor shocked the class when he came in. He looked to the ceiling
and flatly stated, "God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you exactly 15 minutes." The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop. Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, "Here I am, God. I'm still waiting."
It got down to the last couple of minutes when the Marine got out of his chair, went up to the professor, and cold-cocked him, knocking him off the platform. The professor was out cold.
The Marine went back to his seat and sat there, silently. The other students were shocked and stunned and sat there looking on in silence.
The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the Marine and asked, "What the hell is the matter with you? Why did you do that?"
The Marine calmly replied, "God was busy today protecting America's soldiers who are protecting your right to say stupid s**t and act like an a*****e................. So, He sent me."
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Posted: Thu Dec 07, 2006 11:18 am
I thought it was hilarious when I first heard it. Of course, I may be a bit biased since I was in the Army.
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Posted: Thu Dec 07, 2006 11:19 am
hehehe well i've read it a few times >,< dad tends to send the same forwards repeatively and not member he did so. i did like the one about the schits who were a family and it was funny. or the jackass one! i totally have to see if i can dig that one out.
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Reply
