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 Posted: Thu Nov 17, 2005 1:27 pm
Noah sigh looking at the letter. "Mari you're way to blunt you always have been." He played with the chain around his wrist fingers grasping the locket closing his eyes and curled up in a ball as he cried silently. "I can't call you anymore because your resting now. I could tell that part of you wasn't sure about my choise and you wrote your fears in this letter." He wiped away his eyes. "I really want one of the babies name after you Marius if I have any. I just hope Ly understands. Though sex driven was a bit harsh we haven't done much of anything."
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Posted: Thu Nov 17, 2005 2:04 pm
Ly sat up and though he promised Ly the alcahol will be gone he was glad it wasnt now. He got up and walked over to the wall and pressed the button opening up the panel and grabed the bottle of vodka out of it and shut the panel up again. He opened it and took a swig and laid down on the bed again, bottle in hand and cried, taking a drink every so often.
A promise is a promise came a voice inside his head you promised Noah you would do this and so are you going to break it now? the voice asked again. Ly ignored it, situation had changed, that promise was made when that son of a b***h unicorn had the nerve to insult my morals. He said inside his head, hoping that annoying voice would shut up. The situation hasnt changed, you are making it seem like its changed. You hate Mari, thats a given by what he said to you BUT that doesnt mean anything to Noah. I mean, sure he finds Mari blunt and everything you promised this to Noah not to Mari so the situation is still the same.
Why should I name my child after the a*****e who insulted my morals? Why should I name the child I will be having with Noah after the one a*****e who cares to show understanding or compassion or anything else about others? He deserves no such honor. Do you love Noah? Do you want to make him happy? of course I do, I want to more then anything. He said thinking to the voice then do this for him, put your feelings for Mari aside and let him have what you promised and what he wants. You hate mari, NOT the child, just because he is named after the guy you hate doesnt mean he will turn out like him. Why not ask Noah about Mari? Get a better understand of him and maybe your views on him will change.
But untill then allow him this one thing Lycurgus, allow him to have this simple wish that you promised him and just think of the child as a person not as Mari because even if he has the unicorns name he will still be a child you and Noah's love for each other brought into this world and no name that once belonged to someone else will mean as much as the love you have for each other.
Ly got up and shook his head and put the bottle on the dressing table, he was thinking far more then he wanted to yet that voice was right. It was right about everything, he got up and ran to the stairs still crying though a little bit less and ran to the conservatory and over to Noah "Noah, I promised you the child will be named after Mari and I will live up to my word and I shall allow one of our children named after Mari dispite my feelings twoards him. I also know this means alot to you and I dont want to take this away from you so so I will be happy to name one of our children after Mari even if its mostly for your sake for why im doing this" he said falling to the ground and crying hard, still upset alot from earlier.
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Posted: Thu Nov 17, 2005 7:18 pm
Noah blinked away tears. "Mari..Mari has never been good putting down things Ly. I think he was scared for my sake and just lashed out at the one that was aking him upset. He was a very good person."Noah said softly hand curled by his mouth. "Ly...stop crying please?"
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Posted: Thu Nov 17, 2005 7:29 pm
Ly looked up at Noah, still crying "did you know that ever since I first learnt about Mari I have had one major fear, a fear that I was scared would come true, a fear that I would feel worse about me being with you, a fear that I knew that would make me turn my back on you because I knew you deserved better and now this letter just prooves that I shouldnt be with you. What was that one fear? The fear that Mari wouldnt accept me, he wouldnt find me suitable to be your mate, he wouldnt give me his trust to allow myself to proove to him that I would never hurt you. I wanted to live up to his expectations, I wanted to proove to him that I was suitable to be your mate, I wanted him to see that I had changed to be the person you wanted me to be yet I see I couldnt even do that.
Im not stupid, though he says that he knows that I will be good to you I can tell he finds me unacceptable and I know he doesnt really want me to be with you and I cant help but agree with him. I might have changed for you Noah, I might have become a better person because of my love for you and god only knows how much I would die for you but the one thing I have wanted more then anything else was to be accepted by Mari.
I wanted to know that he approved of me being with you so I knew he could rest easy and not worry about you being with someone who he didnt trust or accept but this letter tells us just how much he does does trust and accept me and how much I dont deserve you.All I ever wanted was to not only make you happy but to live up to Mari's expectations and its obvious that I will never be to be the guy he will truely want you to be with and that hurts me so much."
Ly got up and kissed the top of Noahs head and made his way towards conservatory door, upon arriving here he looked back at Noah "I love you Little Nova and I always will, there will never be another guy who I love more then I love you but I cant be in this relationship when I know that Mari will want you to be with someone who isnt me and hes right to think that and its true, you deserve much better then me, I will more then likely end up hurting you, I have already scared you once and who says I wont do it again or worse? Mari is right to not trust me, I dont know why i even trust myself. Im sorry Noah, I cant hurt you anymore then I already have, its not fair on you at all and god knows it will kill me to see me hurting you worse then just scaring you a little. Its best to just end this now before its too late. Goodbye" he said the last word softly and practically a whisper as he ran out out of the conservatory crying, making plans to head out to the guest house for a while.
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Posted: Fri Nov 18, 2005 4:25 am
Noah watched Ly leave and turned his face away something...Mair had wrote something about Ly in his letters what was it.... it had been the start of a appoligie he hadn't read. Noah shook his head racing to his room. 'Well Mari Ly is going to know you have a sensitive side damn it.' It took a moment to ruffle threw the parchement and to find the last page where it was clearly printed in Mari more elegant handwritting. "Ly! Please Ly...I have to show you something." He called reading ahead.
'Raven I know I wrote that letter to your mate...I'm sure he will be good to you. I'm just so unsure with his past talking to others that he will see pass it. So I wrote that letter with out a cool head..show to him...keep it from him. I wish you the best of luck and...well love I really have to accept him. Because you love him. Just don't tell him that. Mari..'
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Posted: Fri Nov 18, 2005 4:34 am
Ly had stoped on the stairs leading down to the first floor and stood there leaaning agiesnt the rail as Noah spoke, crying still. He said nothing, how could he? He sat down on the stairs and hugged his knees, crying into them.
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Posted: Fri Nov 18, 2005 4:39 am
Noah raced towards the stairs and yelped as his ankle twisted. Muttereing he rubbed it with a hand getting back up and limped to the stairs trying to hurry down then. "Ly...Mari...he said he was sorry..Please just read..." Noah called.
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Posted: Fri Nov 18, 2005 4:45 am
Ly heard the yelp and turned around and saw him limping and shook his head "forget Mari, your going back to bed and I am calling Akash" he said as he ran back up the stairs and picked him up bridal style and lead him back into their room. "We will talk when your in bed" he said as he moved over to his bed "why do you bother putting up with me? You wouldnt of gotten this injury in the first place if it wasnt for me and now you go and hurt yourself again. You dont deserve me" he said sighing and laying him on the bed and pulled out his cellphone and started calling Akash.
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Posted: Fri Nov 18, 2005 4:48 am
"Ly put down that damn phone now. I just twisted it. In a half an hour it be fine please. I don't want to distrube Akash just for this." Noah sigh in the bed looking at him. "Because I damn love you what kind of question is that? Ly I love you and I want to be with you. You don't have to live up to anyone standers but mine and you already have."
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Posted: Fri Nov 18, 2005 4:55 am
Ly walked around to the other side of the bed and closed his phone and put it on the table and then climbed onto the bed and sat with his back to the head board and hugged his knees and cried. "I just feel like im not good for you, you deserve better..." he trailed off and wipped his eyes thinking "I just want to be perfect gor you and yet still a part of me thinks that I never will be due to what im like and then when we get Mari being his ever lovable blunt self that part of me realises just how much its true, just how much I shouldnt be with you." He said sobbing into his knees "I just want you but when this happens my insecurities play up and I end up doubting if I should be with you at all. If someone else can point out my faults then surely I should be be taking a step back and looking at myself and realising their right and that I shouldnt be around anyone."
He said rolling over and facing the wall, hugging the pillow he was huggin earlier and not wanting to look at Noah "I love you so much but hurting you is the last thing I ever want and its why a part of me doesnt want to be with you, I dont want to end up hurting you and it scares me when that part of me, my insecurities and the fact that Mari has basically pointed out whats wrong with me just makes me start wondering why we are even together...." he said trailing off and crying into the pillow he was holding.
"Im sorry Nova, im just...just scared that some day im going to end up hurting you and losing you for good and that petrifies me, especially when we have people like Mari who I fear will silently gloat that they knew I would screw up majorly and hurt you. I dont want to be this way but because of my temper I dont trust myself and this just doesnt help my insecurities and the fact im new at this relationship thing isnt exactly helping matters either." he said sobbing a little harder "I just want to be the perfect mate for you yet with everyone pointing out my faults I just wonder why i even bother being in this relationship when obviously im not worthy of you." he trailed off, face burried in the pillow completely into the pillow he was holding, he brought his feet up like he was in fetal position and cried. "im just so scared and confused..." he said trailing off
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Posted: Fri Nov 18, 2005 6:36 am
Noah rested his head against Ly cuddling the wolf. "Don't be we'll work things out." He said calmly nuzzling Ly neck. "I want you to me my mate and I'm trying not to have my own past experinces hold me back." He smiled weakly. "Please stop crying Ly it makes me sad."
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Posted: Fri Nov 18, 2005 6:45 am
Ly took a deep breath and let it out and forced himself to not carry on crying. He wipped away his tears and turned around and hugged Noah "thank you Nova, thank you so much for everything" he said softly and sincerly into his shoulder "I love you so much" he said just as softly as before and falling silent and hugged him tight, just wanting to be in his arms right now more then anything.
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Posted: Fri Nov 18, 2005 9:21 am
Noah nuzzled Ly just holding him resting against him. "Ly you silly you don't have to thank me for anything. I know you care." He kissed Ly gently looking in his eyes. "Do you want to go get mystuff now?"
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Posted: Fri Nov 18, 2005 9:28 am
Ly smiled softly at his mate "I would say yes sweetheart but you arnt going anywhere." he said softly to him "I dont know how bad that twist is and after you have just gotten over a sprain then I dont want to take any risks." he said nuzzling his mate. "im sorry sweetheart but I dont want it getting worse" he said kissing his neck
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Posted: Fri Nov 18, 2005 9:43 am
Noah mmmed as he was cuddled and kissed. "I guess we won't then." He laid his head down on the pillow smiling at Ly. "Your already perfect. This blows my plan of pratice though."
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