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 Posted: Wed Aug 22, 2007 12:30 am
Icefire Alchemist Character's name is Sumi Raye.
Sunlight streamed through the window onto the blankets. At first glance you wouldn't see anything, and then a mop of brown hair peeked out from beneath the covers. Yawning, Sumi pushed the blankets back and sat up, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. "Morning already?" she mumbled to herself, running a hand through her hair.
She climbed out of bed and opened the window all the way, smiling as she watched the people of the village go about their morning duties.
Turning away from the peaceful scene beneath her, Sumi quickly got dressed, pulling on her favourite pair of soft white pants that poofed out a bit at the bottom as well as a matching white longsleeved shirt, decorated with the Konoha symbol in green on the back. Completing the outfit with her shinobi sandals, kunai pouch, and heaband around her neck, she glanced at her reflection in the mirror before walked out the door. Humming an unknown tune, one thought stood out in her mind. Today will be a good day. A couple of spelling errors and one word that was used in the wrong tense but it is noticeable that it was just a typo. But other than that your post was done well. You pass.
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Posted: Wed Aug 22, 2007 12:37 am
Bakuta "HEY! Tokkon where the hell have you been?" Bakuta hadn't seen Tokkon in the shop in awhile, Bakuta works in a Pet shop on Hennway St., the dump part of town but, hey works work. Tokkon was a old man that would come in and stand around for awhile before buying so fish food then me and him would talk about his life before here, more or less he did so he did have to work but it was intertaining. "Hey whats wrong Tokkon." but, Old man Tokkon kept walking, maybe even alittle faster than before, "What the hell is with him?" Bakuta had nothing else to do but go to work, so he walk on for work. Your post needs to be revised. Your past-tense and present-tense is all mixed up and you use commas where they shouldn't be used. Also, right after someone speaks you should type, "shouted Bakuta." Or even, "Bakuta shouted as he ran toward his old friend Tokkon." You also have a couple of spelling errors.
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Posted: Wed Aug 22, 2007 12:42 am
Warrior Shokan Here we go: Sutorai sat up, lifting his arms as he rose stretching them. He rubbed his eyes, clearing his vision slightly. He smacked his lips a couple times, though it took some effort seeing his mouth was so dry. He grabbed the edge of his blanket and threw off of him swinging his legs to the side of the bed simotaniously. He squinted from the sunlight glarring in his eyes, "Forgot to close the curtains again." He grumbled to himself and stood arching his back. He slowly slumped over to the curtains closing them; he truely hated sunlight. You have three spelling errors but you pass.
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Posted: Wed Aug 22, 2007 12:49 am
Ferathon Well here it is: Kazumaru Inui, Inui as he was called by his friends, sat on a tree playing with a small shuriken. Quiet as always as he threw the shuriken up in the air and caught it on it's way down repeating this several times. His blue eyes were closed as he did this. He finally threw the shuriken into the tree and ran a hand through his light brown hair. "What now?" He asked, hearing kids run under him and calling his name. He jumped down from the limb and landed next to them and just listened to them laugh and talk as always. You started well with your first sentence but afterwards, its pretty mixed up. Your explaining things where they shouldn't be explained. Like with, "His blue eyes were closed as he did this." That should have been incorporated with the previous sentence. And you never explained that your character was in a tree. You should say that he sat in a tree high above the ground tossing a kunai in the air. Please revise your post.
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Posted: Wed Aug 22, 2007 4:05 pm
Ok here's my post. My characters name is Hisakata Tenma. (forgive me, are we doing it japanese or the weird english style? Like Nara Shikamaru or Shikamaru Nara? XD)
Tenma waved his hand through his long black hair. It always covered his face and blocked his emerald green eyes from seeing the world around him. He always watched the ninja leave the village. His father had been a ninja before he died, and his mother was recurperating alright after she heard the news. But she had panicked when Tenma had told her of his decision to become a ninja as well. She finally broke down and let him go to the academy. Tenma had always been shy when it came to associating with other people besides his mother, and he wasn't sure of how he'd be talkative in class. He walked up to the academy silently and went off to search for his class. He searched up and down, left and right until he finally found his class. Much to his dismay, they were assigning seats and he had to sit in the front row. Quietly, he sat down, the kid behind him poking him constantly and annoying him. Tenma looked back and whispered, "Can you stop, please?". The boy laughed and responded, "Make me, you little freak!" Temna clenched his fist to the point his knuckles went white. He grabbed the boy from his seat and threw him into the wall, his body making a loud thump as it hit. Tenma quickly sat down and buried his head in his arms, not sure whether to be proud or be ashamed.
(Ok i edited it. And not enough detail? o.O XD)
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Posted: Wed Aug 22, 2007 8:53 pm
Hikaru Tsukiato Ok here's my post. My characters name is Hisakata Tenma. (forgive me, are we doing it japanese or the weird english style? Like Nara Shikamaru or Shikamaru Nara? XD) Tenma waved his hand through his long black hair. It always covered his face and blocked his emerald green eyes from seeing the world around him. He always watched the ninja leave the village. His father had been a ninja before he died, and his mother was recurperating alright after she heard the news. But she had panicked when Tenma had told her of his decision to become a ninja as well. She finally broke down and let him go to the academy. Tenma had always been shy when it came to associating with other people besides his mother. He walked up to the academy silently and went off to search for his class. (It doesn't matter) But your post is lacking detail. Add more and then I'll let you know if you pass or not.
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kouri-chan_xx Vice Captain
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Posted: Thu Aug 23, 2007 2:11 am
Bromisto Nerokima ~RP sample~ Character Name-Anjin DeKaza The wind swept across the rolling dunes that scattered the landscape as a small boy pushed on up towards a red sun setting in the west. His torn clothes were swept back by the cutting breeze and his tired limbs clawed on up the large dune in front of him in a last effort to reach the top before nightfall. As he finally broke the summit and collapsed from exhaustion, his haggard body and sun scarred skin was evident while the sky turned dull orange and grey. The first stars sparkled in the twilight while a sand filled breeze mingled with his sharp dry breaths. His end was very near, yet he could not stop running... In the distance along the now hazed horizon of the setting sun, a small group descended in his direction, but he could not have known for he had finally lost consciousness. Pass. That was real cool as well. Thank you Bromisto! heart Oh and Nerokima your PMs is set to Friends Only so I can't reply your PM. Here's my reply >_>: Quote: Your application looks fine ^^ We are accepting, but have you read the time skip story? Without a jounin contact you're stuck in Suna. And the time skip is really soon so you'll get only a little bit of chance to RP as a 12 year old. But if it's still OK send me your profile for me to check :3 Oh and if you want to do ice jutsu you need a specific ice jutsu bloodline like Haku's. Or the Kobayashi from Kusa.
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Posted: Thu Aug 23, 2007 3:25 am
Ask me if you want more. razz I have plenty more where this one came from. *lol*
She stood her ground, keeping herself at an emotional distance as the man approached her. She could easily recognize him as the figure she had seen earlier that day in what she believed to be her forest. He had examined her, she could tell by the way he held himself and the way his eyes didn't stray from her face. When he spoke, she wasn't sure of his background. The way he spoke wasn't one she recognized, and she wasn't suprised that he had heard of her. It was all but impossible to go anywhere without people knowing who she was these days. With his bow to her, she reconciled with the sign of the Dog. She held it before her and lowered her body slightly, as if trying to decide to bow or curtsey. Knowing that a bow would be more suited for this situation, she lowered her head slightly. With this oppourtunity, her hair fell down over her right eye again, her ensignia gathering snow as a rush of wind hit them both.
Nakamura stood there, showing no pain, no emotion to the cold. It didn't effect her as it would a normal shinobi. So, this is where it came to, Nakamura, bowing slightly to a man, who spoke as if he was a Jounin of what she felt to be her village. Even though, not truely from Yukigakure, she still held herself proud of her second home. She lifted her body upright after a moment of bowing, the snow fall collected on her hair seemed to vanish within her white locks. Sora Kumori? I know almost every Jounin in Yukigakure... I've never heard of you before. Nakamura thinks to herself, not allowing any form of alarm to show it's presence. She wasn't disturbed, Yukigakure often traded Jounin in order for them to learn jutsu outside of thier practical forms. With his smile, came a quick intake of breath that was released ever so softly. Her breath rose up past a few snow flakes before it froze. Her now frozen breath, fell down in between the two of them, melding itself into the snow on the ground at it's impact. He had a look in his eyes that seemed to wish for her to say something, but what?
"Welcome to the Land of Snow..." Nakamura says softly, the silent girl she kept at a distance from herself began to show. Maybe we should go somewhere? Or do something? He'll probably get cold out here. Nakamura thinks to herself, not even paying attention to her thoughts as a figure broke through the surface of the hallowed snow and wind. It was a girl, from the looks of it, another in which she didn't recognize. It looks like this is going to be an all new squad all over again. Nakamura adds to her thoughts as she seems to approach the two of them. The meeting spot seeming to be the petrified tree, one she didn't quite get to. Without another word, Nakamura took three steps to the left and made her way through the snow to the tree. Her footsteps were soft and if you didn't know any better, you'd say that she was walking upon the surface of the snow without breaking it's form. Nakamura's chakra control was already at a peak, what with her previous training and all, it was easy for her to accomplish such a feat.
**The above is from one of my other Naruto Forums. In this scene, my character: Nakamura Michiyo, has just met her new sensei and team. Her previous squad, had been slain by Sound ninja, in an act to bring war between the lands of Yukigakure and Otagakure.
My AVERAGE posts are about two paragraphs long, so let me know if you want other Rp's of mine. biggrin **
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kouri-chan_xx Vice Captain
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Posted: Thu Aug 23, 2007 5:00 am
eek
Insta' pass! Like Instant noodles! Although there are tense problems, as well as the whole, affect effect thing.
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Posted: Thu Aug 23, 2007 1:14 pm
did you wont me to do another or do you wont me to retype it?
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Posted: Thu Aug 23, 2007 1:34 pm
RP SAMPLE~~~~
name- Oketsu no Akame ("Oketsu of the Red Rain")
The wet earth sunk in as the heavy rain poured in, it was hot and dark out. Little Oketsu was inside a secluded hut deep in the forests of Amegakure, it was made from bamboo and leaves and a bit of cement to keep it up from the weather of the land of rain. Light was present in the small hut from a candle that burned on a wooden stand across the room and also a small fire was started in the center. "Oketsu, hand me the sand paper" a man who sat at the end of the hut sitting on a stool seeming to be chissling on something with a tool. "Yes, father" Oketsu had dark red hair, usually it was spiked back much like his father but shorter. The fire lit his eyes, giving it a shining gleam of sanguine red color with speckles of canary yellow surrounding jet black spheres that were his pupils. His face was reddened from the heat in the rainforest that harbored their hut, the temperatures must have reached high 80's in farenheit. The red-headed boy reached over the wooden stand where the candle sat and picked a slip of rough sand paper and delivered it to him. After drawing closer to the fire, Oketsu is revealed having dark circles that surround his eyes as thick as eyeshadow and eyeliner. Father turned looks at Oketsu, they both were alost spitting images of eachother subtracting the dark eyes of Oketsu. "Why do you wear that make up?" he asked. The boy replied "It's not make up, dad..." he rubs his eyes with the sleeves of his black robe which seemed to be of ceremonial purpose.
His Father squinted an eye "hmmm...I don't what could cause this...but it muast have to do with the chakra in your eyes" he sighed. He turns to continue working, he was chissling a bone mask, it was a dome-like mask carved to perfectly cover one's face, two circular holes were carved out to make as eye holes. All around the hut's walls, were bone masks pinned against them, each different size and painted deigns but the same basic shape. Oketsu has been here only a few times, he loved the masks around him, his favorite was one with a beautiful painting of a cherry blosso on the side of a cliff with streaking clouds and beautiful blue colors with pink petals surfing the wind. He looked down "so...all these masks belonged to our ancestors?" Oketsu then looked up to his father while he nodded with a grunt. "When will I get mine?" he asked, he looks at his father's mask which was attached to it's owner's back. On it was painted a sparrow flying in solo against the wind travelling to a faraway place. The red-head boy lowered his head sadly. "Son...eventually" he takes his hand and pats Oketsu on the head.
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Posted: Thu Aug 23, 2007 3:21 pm
Bakuta did you wont me to do another or do you wont me to retype it? You can keep the same story and make it better. Or you can make another story and make it understandable.
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Posted: Thu Aug 23, 2007 3:27 pm
IIISanguineLegendIII RP SAMPLE~~~~
name- Oketsu no Akame ("Oketsu of the Red Rain")
The wet earth sunk in as the heavy rain poured in, it was hot and dark out. Little Oketsu was inside a secluded hut deep in the forests of Amegakure, it was made from bamboo and leaves and a bit of cement to keep it up from the weather of the land of rain. Light was present in the small hut from a candle that burned on a wooden stand across the room and also a small fire was started in the center. "Oketsu, hand me the sand paper" a man who sat at the end of the hut sitting on a stool seeming to be chissling on something with a tool. "Yes, father" Oketsu had dark red hair, usually it was spiked back much like his father but shorter. The fire lit his eyes, giving it a shining gleam of sanguine red color with speckles of canary yellow surrounding jet black spheres that were his pupils. His face was reddened from the heat in the rainforest that harbored their hut, the temperatures must have reached high 80's in farenheit. The red-headed boy reached over the wooden stand where the candle sat and picked a slip of rough sand paper and delivered it to him. After drawing closer to the fire, Oketsu is revealed having dark circles that surround his eyes as thick as eyeshadow and eyeliner. Father turned looks at Oketsu, they both were alost spitting images of eachother subtracting the dark eyes of Oketsu. "Why do you wear that make up?" he asked. The boy replied "It's not make up, dad..." he rubs his eyes with the sleeves of his black robe which seemed to be of ceremonial purpose.
His Father squinted an eye "hmmm...I don't what could cause this...but it muast have to do with the chakra in your eyes" he sighed. He turns to continue working, he was chissling a bone mask, it was a dome-like mask carved to perfectly cover one's face, two circular holes were carved out to make as eye holes. All around the hut's walls, were bone masks pinned against them, each different size and painted deigns but the same basic shape. Oketsu has been here only a few times, he loved the masks around him, his favorite was one with a beautiful painting of a cherry blosso on the side of a cliff with streaking clouds and beautiful blue colors with pink petals surfing the wind. He looked down "so...all these masks belonged to our ancestors?" Oketsu then looked up to his father while he nodded with a grunt. "When will I get mine?" he asked, he looks at his father's mask which was attached to it's owner's back. On it was painted a sparrow flying in solo against the wind travelling to a faraway place. The red-head boy lowered his head sadly. "Son...eventually" he takes his hand and pats Oketsu on the head. Pass.
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Posted: Sat Aug 25, 2007 6:54 pm
biggrin I edited mine. And it's descriptive XD
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Posted: Sat Aug 25, 2007 7:36 pm
Hikaru Tsukiato Ok here's my post. My characters name is Hisakata Tenma. (forgive me, are we doing it japanese or the weird english style? Like Nara Shikamaru or Shikamaru Nara? XD) Tenma waved his hand through his long black hair. It always covered his face and blocked his emerald green eyes from seeing the world around him. He always watched the ninja leave the village. His father had been a ninja before he died, and his mother was recurperating alright after she heard the news. But she had panicked when Tenma had told her of his decision to become a ninja as well. She finally broke down and let him go to the academy. Tenma had always been shy when it came to associating with other people besides his mother, and he wasn't sure of how he'd be talkative in class. He walked up to the academy silently and went off to search for his class. He searched up and down, left and right until he finally found his class. Much to his dismay, they were assigning seats and he had to sit in the front row. Quietly, he sat down, the kid behind him poking him constantly and annoying him. Tenma looked back and whispered, "Can you stop, please?". The boy laughed and responded, "Make me, you little freak!" Temna clenched his fist to the point his knuckles went white. He grabbed the boy from his seat and threw him into the wall, his body making a loud thump as it hit. Tenma quickly sat down and buried his head in his arms, not sure whether to be proud or be ashamed. (Ok i edited it. And not enough detail? o.O XD) Now you pass. That was much better.
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