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:drags a soap box out into the middle of the floor:

I posted the following section in someone elses Journal. It was a response to a conversation I was/am involved with. I got a few IM's after wards about how well it described what the IMers saw in me but couldn't articulate. I thought I should repost it here.

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Oddly it sounds like we're a similar breed with different schooling. Our main difference seems simply that I don't feel bad. I know that if I made a choice then it was with a certain intention. If that intention makes the people I care about happy then good. If it hurts the people I care about I simply take whatever consequences come with that and continue foreward.

I don't look to change, I don't look to be a better member of society. If someone turns on me then I let them. If they betray me then I make them remember that mistake. I to am a person who people come to to get something finished. I don't mind getting my hands dirty. I don't mind if people don't like me. I was always taught that helping people whether they see it as help or not is right. Even if you're just helping them understand that they shouldn't do something they've done because there are consequences. I like to say I keep people accountable. I help those who deserve help and I hurt those who hurt others. How many friends I have left today has no effect on my actions.

When I was growing up my father had a primary philosophies that he never spoke but that I learned.

1. "To be loved by your friends and feared by your enemies is what being respected means."

I personally have a number of philosophies. The primary of them being "A positive action can hold both positive and negative reactions. A negative action can have both positive and negative reactions. The proper choice isn't always one or the other. The proper choice is the one that brings the most balance to an equation."

I understand your position more clearly now and I respect it. I don't completely agree but I respect that you understand your position and are working towards improvement as you see it. That is all any of us in this world can ever do. smile

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Here's the original thread: http://www.livejournal.com/users/minkrose/442354.html

:lights the soap box on fire and walks away:

Lol. I contantly do things that I know are wrong. I don't bother justifying it though. I always have a reason and that reason justifies the action in my mind. Should I become accountable to a greater power than myself, however justification is a useless concept. If I'm caught I'm caught. I'll tell them my reason and then submit to the consequences of my actions. I may seek vengance later but I'll take my medicine on the spot. smile

wordmuthafunkaword

the guild or the thread?

This is the only thread I find I can get into meaningful conversations with people. The rest of the threads are good to watch in and such but they're either full of emote replies to emotes or just a lot of "I'm ugly, here's my pic" and then a page full of responses in argument. The conversations in here are usually much more interesting so I spend most of my time here.

Indeed, I too enjoy the more in depth thought that occurs in here. That and I can use this a place to actually b***h and not have people think I am wanting attention. I just need to b***h now and then xd

Wit is all about perspective wink

I thought I was gonna get fired today.

What do I do when I feels threatened?

First let's clarify the scope of the term by defining it.

"likely in the near future to become endangered"

That can mean anything from life to home to job to sanity.

Now when I feel threatened an interesting process happens that never really comes up otherwise. If I feel when I'm backed into a corner, I react as if in fight or flight mode. Those are the only two options that register. Either walk or tear through. Compliance, negotiation or any other civil response don't even come into mind until hours later.

When in this condition I tend to start shaking. I have trouble hearing because all I can hear is my pulse. This makes all of my responses slower because I have to replay anything said in my head a few times before I understand it.

During this point normally I either just walk out and ignore any further interaction attempts or I become very snide and stand offish. To actually not respond at all is the only other option registering in my head at the moment and to do so put a severe amount of strain on me. Often when attempting simple restraint I get this lightheaded feeling and my vision stops working. Everything goes kinda dark with bright splotches.

In any event that's how I was earlier. Right now my body is simply pulsing and my blood is hot. I'll be like this until probably around midnight.

I know the event itself wasn't that big of a deal in reality but with a lot of combined recent events my mind accelerated the scenario. I restrained myself and even tried speaking without much real luck. I'm on call tonight and I'm having a drink to try to calm my nerves.

edit- I've never before tried to quantify this event before. it's interesting to read.