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 Posted: Sat Jun 14, 2008 9:30 pm
How many times do I have to say I'm not perfect, I love you anyway? I guess that kinda lovey-dovey crap doesn't slip by the ladies anymore. How depressing....
PN-286 AAN-736
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Posted: Sat Jun 14, 2008 9:33 pm
I just don't know what to do anymore. She's so confusing for some reason. I thought I knew that girl inside and out, and BOOM!! That woman changed on me faster than the rabbit population.
PN-287 AAN-737
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Posted: Sat Jun 14, 2008 9:34 pm
I guess it's my fault probably. I'm not beating myself up, just hear me out. The story does continue.
She used to have a terrible self-confidence problem, so I'd constantly tell her to grow some cahones and just stick up for herself. Guess after about a year and a half of that, she's been doing fine.
PN-288 AAN-738
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Posted: Sat Jun 14, 2008 9:36 pm
In retrospect, I gave her a weapon and never told her how to aim. I'm getting beat down too, and it really hurts. What happens when the one you love more than anything in the physical realm just shoots you down in conversation? Do you even know?
PN-289 AAN-739
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Posted: Sat Jun 14, 2008 9:38 pm
Partly my fault again for never noticing the stupid annoying things I do, and her never telling me I'm doing something wrong. I get beat down later and by that time I've already passed it off as nothing and am getting verbally shot for something I can't even recall.
PN-290 AAN-740
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Posted: Sat Jun 14, 2008 9:40 pm
And you know what's spooky? Your chest does feel weird when you're extremely depressed, yet you try and hide it cuz you don't want anyone to think anything's wrong. Your heart just feels weird. It's not an expression or a cliche, it's true.
PN-291 AAN-741
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Posted: Sat Jun 14, 2008 9:43 pm
After looking back at this, and realizing that I'm only 16, I've got a pretty good grasp on this kinda stuff compared to the rest of the male population my age. The problem is, the more I learn, the more I realize I don't know.
PN-292 AAN-742
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Posted: Sat Jun 14, 2008 9:47 pm
What does Sham think of this? Does she think of this in the first place? Does she even care? Will she care if she knew? Will anything be back to how it was, or will something happen that will end it forever?
PN-293 AAN-743
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Posted: Sat Jun 14, 2008 9:52 pm
And what's more, it's like I'm the only one who cares about the relationship outside of Sham and I. My parents haven't asked one question about the two of us. Not....one. You think that's a blessing or something? It's frightening. Do they even care? My dad is playing Call of Duty 4 right now, and he couldn't give a left nut about the rest of the world right now. Scary isn't it? A dad that is lazier than his teenage son.
PN-294 AAN-744
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Posted: Sat Jun 14, 2008 9:54 pm
Mom is so nice and everything, but she hasn't really asked anything about Sham at all either, except if I'm getting flowers for Valentine's Day. The answer is always yes of course. She loves lilies, alot. It always makes me so happy to get those for her, and maybe something else too. I got her a stuffed hedgehog that is soooooooo soft and squishy, you just melt when you hug it.
PN-295 AAN-745
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Posted: Sat Jun 14, 2008 9:57 pm
I managed to make myself smile there for a bit at least. Those were the good old days I'm talking about. We talked, hugged, kissed, loved, no sex for all you perverts out there. She's taken a vow for no sex till marriage. I'm cool with that. For all you horn-dogs out there who can't keep it in your pants and can't understand, you probably won't till you get denied for about the 50th time at the age of 27.
PN-296 AAN-746
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Posted: Sat Jun 14, 2008 9:59 pm
Despite everything we've done, been through, talked about, and all the other stuff we've seen together, it feels like it's all going away so fast. Why? I don't even know why to begin with, and that's what makes me so sad.
PN-297 AAN-747
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Posted: Sat Jun 14, 2008 10:03 pm
It's like a really bad dream, where all my limbs are tied to a stone wall, and she's walking away, not even looking back as I call out her name and weep. That, is what it feels like to have this kind of thing on your back. An uncontrollable grief that just keeps becoming heavier with each passing moment.................sorry for the poetry, it kinda comes naturally.
PN-298 AAN-748
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Posted: Sat Jun 14, 2008 10:05 pm
I want the Sham I feel in love with back. I want to love, and be loved in return. None of the other crap in the way, I just want us. Why is that so much to ask? It's obviously alot to ask, since it's gone. Maybe it isn't gone, but it sure as hell isn't here.
PN-299 AAN-749
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Posted: Sat Jun 14, 2008 10:09 pm
It's kinda cool though, I reached 300 Personal Nudges, or PNs. That's right, I even came up with the abbreviations. If you've read this entire forum, you'd know this. It is worth the read I guess. If you love this forum alot, like it's made you think about your relationship, or life, or it was just interesting in general, please PM Shammy or I. Not like this is just something we've made up, this is real life drama that is happening right now even as I type. Any kind of advice or compliments to our trials and tribulations would be pretty sweet, to say the least.
PN-300 AAN-750
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