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 Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2011 8:58 am
Day two of this weird nervous/stress/jittery thing, still dunno why I'm feeling it.
Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight.
Benjamin Franklin
The mind that is anxious about future events is miserable.
Seneca
Present fears are less than horrible imaginings.
William Shakespeare
It is the trouble that never comes that causes the loss of sleep.
Chas. Austin Bates
We also deem those happy, who from the experience of life, have learned to bear its ills and without descanting on their weight.
Junvenal
Commitment leads to action. Action brings your dream closer.
Marcia Wieder
The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up.
Paul Valery
It was a high counsel that I once heard given to a young person, "Always do what you are afraid to do."
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Work spares us from three evils: boredom, vice, and need.
Voltaire
Nothing contributes so much to tranquilize the mind as a steady purpose--
a point on which the soul may fix its intellectual eye.
Mary Shelley
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Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2011 9:06 am
I work on character designs the past couple days, am happy all day with them. Feeling shitty and my head hurts like hell, but I'm happy about one thing at least.
Then I try to sleep, and under meds I try to finish the story, and everybody dies again.
I think my subconcious is really telling me I'm a sick ********. XD
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Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2011 10:42 am
MMMmmm I Have a sinister yes very sinister
soo evil
Plan
I'm putting together slowly
I hve 2 out of 8 pieces =D so far
as soon as its 8/8
bad juju will run in terror any bad juju that my dog pulls me into again will cower before it >D
Mwuahahahaahahahahhahaha
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Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2011 10:55 pm
Yoru Kurosawa It's like my soul is see-through...
Sometimes, I scare myself. I was just out with a friend. He's cute... very cute. He's also very open. A couple of days ago, he told me about how he stayed up late dancing and necking (never said with whom.) He even showed me the mark on his neck. Today, I saw it, and felt an urge to reach out and touch it... hell, to do more than just touch it.
What is wrong with me? I have someone I care about, I love... why am I doing this?
Right through my empty eyes...
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Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2011 2:13 am
Angry raging ahead.
Ignore please. Ty. C:
Had a really ******** shitty day and my hormones are ******** messed up and if I try to speak I'll start crying and school's not even ******** over and I'm exhausted and my back is ******** killing me and I really DO NOT ******** WANT TO GO TO MY FRIEND'S BIRTHDAY PARTY TONIGHT, BUT I HAVE TO. And I'm failing at school and pushing all my friends irl away and just want to ******** sleep for the next five years. ******** school. Some people are ******** idiots.
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Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2011 3:41 am
Yoru Kurosawa It's like my soul is see-through...
Sometimes, I scare myself. I was just out with a friend. He's cute... very cute. He's also very open. A couple of days ago, he told me about how he stayed up late dancing and necking (never said with whom.) He even showed me the mark on his neck. Today, I saw it, and felt an urge to reach out and touch it... hell, to do more than just touch it.
What is wrong with me? I have someone I care about, I love... why am I doing this?
Right through my empty eyes... Don't worry dude, human attraction to others is totally natural. I remember going to the picasso museum exhibit and there was this hot guy [employee] who they girls were attracted to and clamoring about. He was gay, but due to my eavesdropping skills (well I was just in hearing range) they didnt' care, they would still have sexual fantasies about him since they know that their boyfriends might have some fantasies about other women.
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Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2011 12:05 pm
What is it about me that makes guys on the bus think I want to talk to them?!?! How can someone interpret my sitting there reading without looking up as an invitation to talk to me? No, I don't want to give you my phone number. No, I don't want to hang out with you. Just leave me the ******** alone so I can read!!!
I try so hard not to be rude, but you're the one being rude by trying to force yourself on me like that when it's obvious that I'm not interested. If someone is giving you one-word answers and goes back to reading between every one of your questions, take the ******** hint and leave her alone. I tried to be polite at first, but I'm not going to do something that makes me uncomfortable just to keep from hurting your feelings. If you can't take a hint, then yeah, I'm gonna be blunt about it. Leave. Me. Alone.
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Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2011 1:03 pm
Today was just... Dx
Teacher played re-runs of Friday during class, and... it's not bad, just the lyrics are hilarious to hear w/o auto-tune.
After school chattin' with friends, and I don't know if I should take it personally even if it was in a joking matter. My friend Jill is having a tough time with her boyfriend Eduordo (both are good friends of mine), and has a feeling of breaking up with him as well as expecting him to rip up her ticket so she won't go to prom. I offered mine, then remembered dad would kill me since we already got the tux. Then my friend Taylor asked i a serious matter "Dude, why ARE you going to prom?". Then he went on with the "I was just kidding around, no offense!".
That got me thinking... am I really that unsocial? Disconnected from everyone else? It seems I am since all I'm busy doing is making origami to kill off depression since talking to others I might let a few thoughts/emotions slip out. I'm still trying hard to get under Brandon's "gay-dar" since he's good friends with Jill/Taylor and everyone else I met this year.
Honestly, I have this fear that if he finds out I'll be washed up and left alone, abandoned and the rest of my high school life will be hell. I don't even know if I could emotionally make it to college Dx
I hope to not come out as "whining", since I keep getting that when I talk out my problems or need comfort of some sort...
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Posted: Sat Apr 16, 2011 5:23 am
I think the tylenol and sleeping pills have already stopped working on me. I faked sleep earlier so my sis wouldn't freak, but I only slept like 2 hours. I've been awake since at least 8 PM and my headache isn't going down at all. It used to be that the worst possible headache without meds was a level 7 out of 10 and now for the past few days it's a consistent level 8 unless I'm doing something specifically for destressing, like drawing. But I just say it's down so people will leave me alone so I can just get the stupid ******** homework done. I don't know what to do anymore. It's like everything but the pain in my head is numb. I should probably be glad. The past few months have too good for someone like me anyway. And I'm good at numbing myself. I'll get used to everything again. I'll have to.
I'm just going to go drown myself in Photoshop for a while. Hopefully no one wakes up and I'll be able to force myself to go to sleep soon.
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Posted: Sat Apr 16, 2011 5:41 am
I made the mistake of looking at pictures of him this morning before work. Now I can't stop crying.
I don't know what I'm going to do if I lose him...
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Posted: Sat Apr 16, 2011 6:04 am
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Posted: Sat Apr 16, 2011 7:22 am
Really annoyed and feel like crap
my fever and vomiting got worse -____-
I ve always wanted to go to an asian festival/Japanese one they look soo pretty
and finaly there is one and I just end up being uber sick
Ugh -___- no fair
Ohwell Aslong as no one spams me I m happy my brain=
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Posted: Sat Apr 16, 2011 3:55 pm
I hate luring.
Luring is when somebody who wants a goal achieved by someone else tries to get their attention with another action, then after that action has been achieved they ask of the person they've lured to do the thing they wanted done in the first place instead of the meaningless task already accomplished.
Say, someone wanted you to mow their lawn.
That person might not want to ask you outright, so they conceive of a scenario where it would not be out of the question to ask you. Lets say they come up with the scenario where they can't get their lawnmower started and need help starting it, you an individual with a bit of spare time politely agree and turn it on for them with that intent (and that intent ONLY) in your head. Next, they request you mow their lawn for them since you're already by the lawn mower. This puts YOU in the spot where it would be impolite to decline, since you've already made it clear you have enough spare time to make the trek outside.
My aunt attempted this.
I impolitely declined outright. When she asked "why?" I had given no reason what so ever. If she had asked me to mow her lawn to begin with, I would have done it without even thinking. Tricking me into going outside to start the lawnmower so she can dump the workload on me without it seeming rude is just a cop-out, she tried to reverse the roles in the situation so that I would be forced into a position where I wouldn't decline. I will not voluntarily subject myself to that kind of treatment. Impolitely refusing is better than making her feel a sense of accomplishment for that mind game of hers.
I refuse to be subject to luring.
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Posted: Sat Apr 16, 2011 9:25 pm
I thought real life was distracting me but it's not. I just don't care to be on Gaia anymore.
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Posted: Sun Apr 17, 2011 4:10 am
I HATE PROGRAMMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! crying
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