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 Posted: Wed Apr 06, 2005 10:32 pm
I just took a shower.
I've come to notice that I've been taking more of them these past couple of weeks. Typically I just take one in the morning and that is it. But the past couple of weeks it has been one in the morning and one at night.
It hit me as to why as I was standing there taking off my necklace and Andys dog tags, etc. In June it is six years. Six years since I've been raped.
You think about it, and you wonder why it is still affecting you. I thought last year I had learned the step of forgiveness where I can let go, and allow him to finally be free. Allow God to deal with him, and not allow my hatred for him to make me lesser of a person.
But I've come to realize that forgiveness is a long process. Just because I started it, does not mean I am over it. I guess it is the part of growing up and learning from it all.
I'm surprisingly not as down as I thought I would be about it, and when I saw myself in the mirror when I got out of the shower, I wasnt feeling hatred towards myself. Life is good.
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Posted: Wed Apr 06, 2005 10:33 pm
Sorry if I'm not very active in the upcoming time. School and crew have picked up, and then add in all of my social problems going on, I'm fairly busy. I'll try to get on when I can, but surprisingly enough, Gaia isn't my first priority. xp
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Posted: Wed Apr 06, 2005 10:38 pm
Blue.Reasons Sorry if I'm not very active in the upcoming time. School and crew have picked up, and then add in all of my social problems going on, I'm fairly busy. I'll try to get on when I can, but surprisingly enough, Gaia isn't my first priority. xp
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Posted: Wed Apr 06, 2005 10:43 pm
Chalda Blue.Reasons Sorry if I'm not very active in the upcoming time. School and crew have picked up, and then add in all of my social problems going on, I'm fairly busy. I'll try to get on when I can, but surprisingly enough, Gaia isn't my first priority. xp
Nah, unfortunately enough, I do have this thing I'm trying out, it's called reality. I'm not too sure how it's working out. xp
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Posted: Wed Apr 06, 2005 10:48 pm
Blue.Reasons Chalda Blue.Reasons Sorry if I'm not very active in the upcoming time. School and crew have picked up, and then add in all of my social problems going on, I'm fairly busy. I'll try to get on when I can, but surprisingly enough, Gaia isn't my first priority. xp
Nah, unfortunately enough, I do have this thing I'm trying out, it's called reality. I'm not too sure how it's working out. xp
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Posted: Wed Apr 06, 2005 10:54 pm
Chalda Meh reality is over rated... As long as there in a nice unprotected wireless connection somewhere near the bridge I sleep under and I still have my lap top I'm good.
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Posted: Wed Apr 06, 2005 11:06 pm
Blue.Reasons Chalda Meh reality is over rated... As long as there in a nice unprotected wireless connection somewhere near the bridge I sleep under and I still have my lap top I'm good.
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Posted: Wed Apr 06, 2005 11:23 pm
yeah, that's the way I've been thinking. As long as I've got a power source to leech and a good wireless network to "hack," I'll be good.
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Leviticus can shove it Vice Captain
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Posted: Wed Apr 06, 2005 11:52 pm
Prom is on friday. I dread it. My friend Martha was my "hot date", but she decided to get herself a real date. So now I'm.. like.. the leper. The dateless one. But I'll look fabulous because hair and makeup for this kind of s**t is what I'm good at. Unfortunately, it's my talent. My aunt is a makeup artist of sorts, I think I got it from her. She's 65, but she looks 30. I s**t you not. If I can find a picture of her, you'll see. She's gorgeous.
Anyways. I can pull this off.
And I'll find me someone to swing dance with me during the rap songs. It'll be great.
Lala, if you read this, you'll do the "One more time" dance number we had in the show with me during an obnoxious song at prom, riiiight? I know you had kickass flagwork there, but you remember it, right? Riiiight? *puppy dog eyes*
Anyways. I've decided to grow my hair out again. And set up a booth so people can watch me braid it. My freshman year of highschool, my hair was getting so long, it was a few inches above my butt. I'd sit in class and braid it behind my head, and people would stop and just STARE. It was great.
My day went from s**t to awesome. All because my mom found me some aspirin. biggrin
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Posted: Thu Apr 07, 2005 9:13 am
trose I just took a shower. I've come to notice that I've been taking more of them these past couple of weeks. Typically I just take one in the morning and that is it. But the past couple of weeks it has been one in the morning and one at night. It hit me as to why as I was standing there taking off my necklace and Andys dog tags, etc. In June it is six years. Six years since I've been raped. You think about it, and you wonder why it is still affecting you. I thought last year I had learned the step of forgiveness where I can let go, and allow him to finally be free. Allow God to deal with him, and not allow my hatred for him to make me lesser of a person. But I've come to realize that forgiveness is a long process. Just because I started it, does not mean I am over it. I guess it is the part of growing up and learning from it all. I'm surprisingly not as down as I thought I would be about it, and when I saw myself in the mirror when I got out of the shower, I wasnt feeling hatred towards myself. Life is good. Yeah, things like that are hard to get over. It's only been about 2 years since I was last raped. Feels like it was a lifetime ago, but in reality, I guess it hasn't. Some things, you can't really 'get over'. They become a part of you and stay with you always, making you who you are. How you look at it determines how you feel about it and yourself. I'm starting to move on, and accept it. Not think of myself as lesser. Glad to see you're doing the same. While it shouldn't happen to anyone, at least it does have one good outcome- we're stronger because of what's happened in our past.
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Posted: Thu Apr 07, 2005 11:18 am
Kupi-Chan Yeah, things like that are hard to get over. It's only been about 2 years since I was last raped. Feels like it was a lifetime ago, but in reality, I guess it hasn't. Some things, you can't really 'get over'. They become a part of you and stay with you always, making you who you are. How you look at it determines how you feel about it and yourself. I'm starting to move on, and accept it. Not think of myself as lesser. Glad to see you're doing the same. While it shouldn't happen to anyone, at least it does have one good outcome- we're stronger because of what's happened in our past. Don't have to tell me twice it is hard to get over. I've heard it plenty of times from my ex best friend Anthony that I should have been over it years ago. He thinks it is so easy to just up and forget it one day stare I never said he was smart whee I know that it determines who I am and how I look at myself, but it also determines how I look at a certain gender, and how I look at a certain ethnicity. I try not to judge, but some days it gets hard. It is good that you are starting as well. It is a long, long process. And hell yes we are stronger. Like ..super women xp
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Posted: Thu Apr 07, 2005 11:31 am
trose Don't have to tell me twice it is hard to get over. I've heard it plenty of times from my ex best friend Anthony that I should have been over it years ago. He thinks it is so easy to just up and forget it one day stare I never said he was smart whee I know that it determines who I am and how I look at myself, but it also determines how I look at a certain gender, and how I look at a certain ethnicity. I try not to judge, but some days it gets hard. It is good that you are starting as well. It is a long, long process. And hell yes we are stronger. Like ..super women xp That's absolute bullshit. No one should be expected to get over anything. There isn't a way that you can say when someone should be over something. There's a difference between dwelling, and healing. Healing takes a lot of time, different for everyone. Yeah, prejudices come into play. A part of that is your instincts trying to keep you safe. At the same time, yes, it is unfair to the people you prejudge. But as long as you try and treat them the same, it should be fine. It's understandable, and allowable. Yeah, it is. Still have nightmares, and my tendancey to take super-hot showers. But I'm getting better with accepting, and talking to people about it. We are like superwomen. xd Only good thing to come of a horrible situation.
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Posted: Thu Apr 07, 2005 1:08 pm
It's odd how so many Gaians have been raped.
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Posted: Thu Apr 07, 2005 1:18 pm
Well, not really. I mean, Gaia is a representation of a larger world. In that larger world, there are millions raped. It's just in an atmosphere like Gaia that people feel comfortable talking about it.
While I was being raped, there was only one friend I told. Right after it happened, there were only 2 or 3. Now, my close real life friends know, as do pretty much everyone I know online.
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Posted: Thu Apr 07, 2005 3:15 pm
Kupi-Chan Well, not really. I mean, Gaia is a representation of a larger world. In that larger world, there are millions raped. It's just in an atmosphere like Gaia that people feel comfortable talking about it. While I was being raped, there was only one friend I told. Right after it happened, there were only 2 or 3. Now, my close real life friends know, as do pretty much everyone I know online. Wait, you told someone WHILE you were being raped? Was this a very long rape, or did he happen to be there? And Gaia is by no means a representation of the larger world... There are only certain types on Gaia.
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