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"But master, are you sure? You must be hungry too."
Lillian sounded truly concerned, but master did look as though she wanted Lillian to eat it.
"Well, I suppose I should keep my strength up for signing for decrees!" She exclaimed, and began to eat. She was ravenous and starving, but didn't show it. She finished her meal quickly, and looked back up at master.
As she stared into master's yellow-ish eyes, her throat began to tighten and her mind started arguing again. She threw her hands ontop of her head and dug her nails into her scalp as though she were trying to get the voices out, droplets of blood starting to stain her hair. She thrashed on the ground for a moment, then crawled over to a plush chair.

Her breath was extremely shallow and constricted in her chest. She sat there for not too long, just until eventually her heart's loud beatings seemed to awaken her. She didn't move her head, but carefully moved her eyes to the space of the room were master was. Lillian was gaining control again, but she shuddered at the thought of what master might do if she figured it out. So, without meaning to, Lilian did the only thing she thought would possibly make her feel any better, and began to sing.(The song I'm singing in this scene is In Noctem, by Nicholas Hooper, it was from Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, a deleted scene)
"Carry my soul...Into the night...may the stars light my way...I glory in the sight..as darkness takes the day...” She continued to sing, softly, but not so much that master couldn't hear her. “Sing a song...a song of life..lived without regret...Tell the ones..the ones I loved...I never will forget. Never will forget...”

Lillian smiled to herself as master did nothing but cross her arms. Lillian now turned herself around, back again the chair legs, facing master with a fake smile. She continued to sing softly, just enough for master to hear, but no more. It was like her heart lifted with every note...



Her surroundings seemed a bit clearer, she felt a bit more sturdy, she was hungry still, but she didn't need to beg for food right now. She decided that if she was going to be held captive, she would keep her head as long as she could. She kept singing, a bit louder now, and the sane voice seemed to return to her now that it wasn't in as much pain. The voices in her head resumed arguing, and she gave faint giggles as they told her what to do, but she wasn't obeying either. She wasn't fighting Desdemona, and she didn't want to listen to her...she just wanted to sing..

"NO MASTER!" Lillian screamed, rushing back to her crazed state. But Desdemona had already left.
"I'll miss you..." She whispered at the door. Tears welled up in her eyes, and pain stabbed at her all over. Whenever she was alone or left to think, pain came. It took the breath out of her when she least expected it, hunger gnawing at her and thirst shriveling her. She clawed at the door, part of her wanting to escape, another with a bizzare desire to find Desdemona and stay by her side. She felt even more vulnerable when she was left alone, since she knew Desdemona wouldn't let her die. As cruel and heartless as master was...she kept Lillian alive, she was her life-ring.

Lillian clawed at the door constantly, and when it wouldn't yield, she began to whine, and crawled around her office at random. Lillian tried to focus on happy thoughts...the night she carried her daughter from the shrieking shack all the way to the Gryffindor common room to sleep, while humming a lullaby...where she and Callysto first kissed in this very office, who knew that now all this would be happening in the same place?... Who knew the love of her life would have left her...Who knew Callysto would have left her standing at the altar, to hug those people who had shown up...her thoughts strayed from focusing on happy things..she tried her hardest to imagine Al, only Al, her gorgeous daughter..But just thinking of her daughter made her heart throb, knowing she was apart from those she cared about, and if she died, she would be forever away from the happy places they once had roamed together.... The sadness of this clouded in her head and she couldn't focus anymore, she tried scrunching up her eyes, to picture it, but all she could feel was pain. All she was, was pain.

At the sound of Desdemona's voice, Lillian opened her eyes and they darted around the room. She wasn't sure what to feel anymore...in the time Desdemona had gone, she had kept trying to force herself to disobey, but she so wanted to wipe her mind free...what, no she was Lillian headmistress, of course she didn't want to write a decree...but yes she did it would put her at ease...but it would worsen things...but master wanted her too...but she's not her master...but yes she is...

After a moment or two, she lost it. She screamed a high-pitched terrible wail like that of a banshee, and scuttled towards the corner like a crab, hand outstreched, reaching for something that only she could see. It was like she was reaching for freedom. She curled herself up into a tight ball and shook with fear and pain in the corner, muttering spells under her breath.

"N-yes.." she muttered under her breath, not loud enough for Desdemona to hear. Just write the decree a voice kept telling her...go on...clear your head for a while and write it. Just do what she asks, no point in arguing...you never fought with your husband when he abused you after all...never even defended yourself...why now?


Then rage boiled inside her. "NO MORE!" She yelled, picking up a heavy book among the wreckage from her office, which she chucked at Desdemona's face. Not waiting to see if it had hit, she scrambled around so she was behind her desk, hands over her head, cowering, nervous. She knew she'd get punishment for what she'd just done.

She dug her long white nails into the rug, gasping for breath, and as the pain of the Cruciatus curse swallowed her up once more, she threw her hands upward, clutching her face, and began rolling her knees up to her chest. She let out a howl that sounded like a cross between “No” and “Help”, as all of her willpower drained from her again. And not intending to...she was suddenly chuckling along with the voice, smiling hugely. It was at first a deep, happy laugh, but as the pain built, it grew to a high-pitched hyena sounding shrieking giggle that only bats would be able to hear before long. Tears of laughter and pain dribbled down her puffy red eyes into her mouth, and she was choking on them, laughing so hard she could barely breath.... She hated herself for smiling, but she couldn't stop...her mouth and body were moving without her consent... “STOP.” her brain told her rocking knees, but they continued to roll and flail on the floor. “STOP!” it told her laughing mouth...but she continued to howl and roar with laughter that seemed to make the whole office spin before her eyes.

She couldn't think of anything at that moment but pain, she could hear the blood lust in her master's voice rise as both their laughing voices mixed in the room.... She now let out a scream of fear, a blood-curdling scream that would surely make someone hear her...for she was louder than she had ever been in her life. But there were two doors and a small staircase between her and the school...and master had made them nearly sound-proof and imperturbed...As the pain dropped for a split moment, she crumpled, spread-eagled on the floor, her long hair surrounding her face. Now the pain returned, and master's face was harder and even stonier than before, a grim smile twisting around her face.. The noises escaping Lillian were incomprehensible....”AIEEKAHAHAHHA”...”HELLLAYAYEEE”...”SAVEEEEMEAKAHRGEEEEE” amongst them, with odd laughs in between the screams...haha...haha