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ThrieTheTiger
Crew

Dapper Lunatic

PostPosted: Sun Feb 18, 2007 6:44 pm


neutral gonk crying
PostPosted: Mon Feb 19, 2007 1:54 am


Well Gold, I believe what she ment by "especially" was that, out of all of the Active Player Bios I've seen in here, you're seems to be the weakest. Well, not Weakest as in "Weak Character" but Weakest as in "Profile of less than superior quality".

Nothing that a few comments, suggestions, and a run through spell and grammer checkers couldn't fix however.

Yeah, that's something I'd really do if I were you. You have enough typos, bad spellings, and incorrect grammer in your profile, and some of your posts, that you should really type them up in Word, and run through the checkers before you C&P it onto your Posting Window.

Doing just that one, simple step would go a long way into making your profile better. The less I have to reread sentences because of bad spelling or grammer, the easier it will read. The better it will feel overall.

Arcturus Highwind


Ai Leen
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PostPosted: Mon Feb 19, 2007 6:42 am


sweatdrop

What I'd actually meant was that it hadn't been touched, and I knew he was working on it. Looking at it, that's good advice though. I have a friend in another game that is possibly the worst speller I've ever met, but he has really nice roleplay concepts, and does put his heart into it. Using Word's spell checker has done a lot to make his work easier to read. Keep working at it, goldbrease, and hopefully you can be as good as my friend. 3nodding
PostPosted: Mon Feb 19, 2007 9:17 am


at least your not a grammar natzi sweatdrop . the worst thing about them is that you always see mistakes in their posts and when yah point out they make mistakes they iether claim they did it on purpose to make fun of you, they claim they are allowed to amke mistakes, or they just ignor it.

I had not done anymore work on it as i was waiting for ai leen to give me some tips on what to add since i just added a bunch to my char's hsitory.

goldbrease

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ThrieTheTiger
Crew

Dapper Lunatic

PostPosted: Mon Feb 19, 2007 11:29 am


Ouch neutral harsh...
PostPosted: Mon Feb 19, 2007 1:28 pm


Grammar and spelling are both important...mostly in the same way that trying to take a photograph in the right lighting is important. If you take a picture with the sun behind your subject, you'll get a washed out picture. You can't appreciate how nifty the costume is on that person, because all you can see is that it's glaringly bright in one section of the picture, and too dark in another.

The same is true of grammar and spelling, and this is why you'll find a lot of good roleplayers complaining about it. Roleplaying is artwork in the same way acting is...but it's hard to look past the glaring spelling and grammar mistakes. Instead of appreciating the post, you spend your time trying to figure out what the author was trying to say.

So by having your posts spell checked, and by having decent grammar in there (There are grammar checkers in Word now, aren't there? I don't use Office. sweatdrop ), you allow the person reading your post to see how cool your character is.

Ai Leen
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Lyendi Knightstar

PostPosted: Mon Feb 19, 2007 6:49 pm


Space Elf for hire! I'll do the dirtiest work you give me and complete it with a smile guaranteed! Need your grass cut? No problem! House needs to be cleaned? No Problem! Pesky rodent wont let you sleep at night? No Problem! Annoying terrorists giving you trouble? No Problem! Need your windows cleaned? No...errr...we have a problem...I don't do windows sweatdrop .

The first 20 clients receive a free massage from Aleez! ^^

Call 1-800-SPCE- ELF!

Safety NOT Guaranteed. Calling waivers the right to sue me or use legal action against me.
PostPosted: Mon Feb 19, 2007 7:08 pm


Lindy Knightstar
Space Elf for hire! I'll do the dirtiest work you give me and complete it with a smile guaranteed! Need your grass cut? No problem! House needs to be cleaned? No Problem! Pesky rodent wont let you sleep at night? No Problem! Annoying terrorists giving you trouble? No Problem! Need your windows cleaned? No...errr...we have a problem...I don't do windows sweatdrop .

The first 20 clients receive a free massage from Aleez! ^^

Call 1-800-SPCE- ELF!

Safety NOT Guaranteed. Calling waivers the right to sue me or use legal action against me.


*picks up phone and dials number*
ring ring ring ring

goldbrease

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Lyendi Knightstar

PostPosted: Mon Feb 19, 2007 7:20 pm


goldbrease
Lindy Knightstar
Space Elf for hire! I'll do the dirtiest work you give me and complete it with a smile guaranteed! Need your grass cut? No problem! House needs to be cleaned? No Problem! Pesky rodent wont let you sleep at night? No Problem! Annoying terrorists giving you trouble? No Problem! Need your windows cleaned? No...errr...we have a problem...I don't do windows sweatdrop .

The first 20 clients receive a free massage from Aleez! ^^

Call 1-800-SPCE- ELF!

Safety NOT Guaranteed. Calling waivers the right to sue me or use legal action against me.


*picks up phone and dials number*
ring ring ring ring
-picks up cell on other end- Eh? Who is this and what do you want? You better have a good reason for interrupting my dream!
PostPosted: Mon Feb 19, 2007 11:17 pm


I would like you to draw and color a picture of my av in an anime form. in his current clothing or in a pilot jump suit is fine.

goldbrease

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Arcturus Highwind

PostPosted: Tue Feb 20, 2007 1:03 am


*Uses 800 number to hack calls and make expensive long distance calls, 900 number calls, and to order all manner of weird things running up a massive bill for the Space Elf*

Well, to use Miss Ai Leen's acting example, Spelling and Grammer are to Roleplaying here, as Ununciation and Projecting is to Acting. If you can't speak clearly and loudly, you can't act. Generally. At least in the Stage sense. Or you'd be regulated to Extra status rather than Cast.


Now I'm not going to say it needs to be perfect. My keyboard sucks, quite often I get "additional" letters I didn't press, keys stick, and I have to slow down my typing because the keyboard won't keep up and thus scrambles my input. (For example, I often get things like do'nt because I typed it too fast)

But, it needs to be more or less readible on the first pass through.
PostPosted: Tue Feb 20, 2007 1:39 am


So, Goldbrease, just looked over your profile in full...

Well... what's to say...

One, I'd suggest you nix the Shadow System. Mecha, especially yours, tends to be powerful enough that the fact that radar/sensors can pick them up from beyond the horizon is about the only weakness they have.

Mostly, the history. It'd help out if you pointed out which parts were actually roleplayed out somewhere or not. Most of it seemed quite, off. What I mean is the manner it's written in is like watching someone with no experience drive a stick shift. Start, stop, start, stop, start, stop. It doesn't flow, there isn't a whole lot of detail... lots of Gundam-esque plots and references (I'd suggest always stating where you got an idea/mecha/skill/character from, at least when it is that obvious, just so no one accuses you of plagerizing).

There are Power Issues, with your Mecha, and your character. If it was up to me, and I was running a Mainstream Gaia type roleplay, I'd probably tell you to hit the drawing board. (Also part of why I wished you would have pointed out any parts that have been roleplayed or not. At least to me, a character with roleplaying experience gets to "Get Away" with having more power than a fresh character. Because they've grown, they've come up from being a rookie to being God the hard way, not just because you tossed in a few paragraphs in the course of 10 minutes to say they gained these powers. But because you spent months, years even, gaining them)

For one... the Character has no noticible weaknesses. Think of it in terms of a WoD character, for example. And that you start off with some points, say, 3. 3 points can be three things you have going for you/are good at. For example, being Rich might be one. Expert Marksman might be another. High Tech, top secret gear could be the third. And that's fine. Three things going for you, with your personal wealth not really effecting Combat situations, is fine. No real need for weaknesses.

But as is you have a Mecha, capable of Flight and Ground Operations. With enough power to blow up the GN by itself. (Note: If you have something that could defeat armies by itself, it's probably a sign you're overpowered) With, as you said before, Long, Medium, and Short range capabilities, with a high defense and durability... (I can almost let people slide on Overloading with weapons, if they adopt the Glass Jaw, one good shot I'm down, type)

As well you're personal character is a scientific genius. Has telepathic powers. Is a mechanical wizard and expert pilot, oh, and also has nanomachines and other implants that put him at Beyond Normal.

If you count it up like I do, that's... about 11 "Strong Points", with only one noticible weakness (This Zeon/Born Destiny force hunting him... which doesn't seem to be much of a drawback as your history paints you as being much stronger than them, capable of fighting off regiments, even when they have backup from one of you 'equals')...

Also... those Code Names make me sad. wink But then most codenames are laughable.


So I'd suggest toning down the abilities of your Mecha, and your character, at least a little. And throw in some flaws. Flaws that matter.

Like the Sign says...

User Image - Blocked by "Display Image" Settings. Click to show.

Think of real disadvantages your character (Like most people) has to face. The Hunted by the BD is a good start.

If you want to keep your character as is though... I'd probably say... add in 4 more Real disadvantages at least.

For example, you could copy the Space Elf (Or the Trilogy "Axis of Time") and have in "Lack of Resources". Now in the GNG they don't have the budget/parts/materials to repair your Gundam. So that as you use it, and take damage, you can't repair/replace what you're missing. And eventually, you'll basically be retrofitted to whatever is standard for the ASDF or whatever branch you join.

Another you could possibly come with, that follows the "Lack of Resources" is that whatever Fuel you use is hard to come by. Think... The New Generation from Robotech. Their mecha used Protoculture. Well, there were no more ASC bases, or REF/RDF bases, so every bit of fuel they had (And missiles and ammunition supposedly), they had to steal from the enemy Invid.

So saying something like the only adequate supplies you can get would be from the BD forces chasing you (Thus requiring you to go into combat and risk life and mecha), and salvaging from their burned, blasted husks.

But for the most part, it'd be easier to just cut down a little bit on your Powers. Make the BD a bigger threat to you, personally. (I wouldnt' suggest having them do full assaults on the ASDF, or wherever you're stationed, without Mod approval. But things like Spies and Assassins after Gold alone would be acceptable I bet... and ones that pose an actual threat to him) Or maybe have the BD randomly ambush you while on patrol.



Also I'd suggest you keep your Mecha Modding hands to yourself. wink You know, do the Max Sterling thing. (Again, Robotech, Macross Saga this time), where he customized his mecha to be more responsive to his needs, his patterns, his control style. So it was Enhanced when he piloted it, but probably would do worse if someone else was at the controls.

Minor tweak's mostly. Don't try upgrades like "Now it can move at the speed of thought" or "Perfect Aim". Something like squeezing another 20 MPH out of the engines, or room for additional ammunition, cool.

Arcturus Highwind


goldbrease

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PostPosted: Tue Feb 20, 2007 2:31 pm


well you gota take into mind right now my mecha is walking scrap.
I'm carrying the data core with the only remaining blue prints to my mecha's parts and abilitys. lindy was rping several characters in the rp my mecha apeared in, she knows it has a hard time moveing, one leg is busted at the knee at one of its joints and has temporary holding plates on it. yeah my mecha is currently not as powerful as you think, It can't even fly right now. fuel is teh same type of fuel most mecha use, however It requires 400 gallons of liquid nitrogen to supply and run the shadow stealth and keep the 3 generators cooled. however the thrusters can vent plasma from the generators for flight this leads to some very nasty carbon buildup.

there code names are kinda stupid but I could not think of anything better. and i'm not able to fight one and a full platoon easily. it ait easy to fight someone 1 on 1 who can compact a tank into a quarter scream .

you are right however, no branch of the GNG has enough resources and money to afford the repairs on this unit. I basicly would have to raid a BD base or supply ship for repair materials. my character is in no way rich.
PostPosted: Tue Feb 20, 2007 2:38 pm


Oh... and this bring me to another point...

State things clearly. Miss Ai Leen had this problem with her application for Triad (The Boss 'paj originally thought she was using the 40 foot tall Veritech Hoshi-Te, rather than the 'manifested' version, because she just tacked on the manifested version at the end of the 40 tall one, rather than revising to remove the full description of the 40 foot tall mecha).

You know, State clearly that your mech is currently in the "Walking Wounded" type category. It's not in there right now. At least, if it was, it was easy enough for me to miss.

And those Advantages or Disadvantages I listed were examples, not "Something that must be applied to my character". Just something to kick start the imagination. wink

Arcturus Highwind


Lyendi Knightstar

PostPosted: Tue Feb 20, 2007 4:15 pm


@goldbrease: Wha? Avy art? Hmm...perhaps I could do that...but no offense...he looks really...plain sweatdrop . And what would this jump suit look like? -flails arms- I cant do everything on my own >_
@Arc: Copy me? Wha? What is there to copy from me? Did I do something awesome that I am not aware of? eek
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Gaian Government

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