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Oh my god, I'm so ******** scared. I'm so scared I'm going to be thrown out of school. And my father keeps telling me that I have to consider other options even if they let me stay, because he doesn't think I have the "skills" to succeed right now, and that if I just keep trying I'm setting myself up for disappointment. And he keeps saying things like, "I'll be here for you when you fall, but I won't be able to do anything. I'm just trying to help before it's too late." And everyone else keeps telling me that I have to calm down and stop being so stressed out. And I'm so scared. I'm so, so, so scared.

Update:

Okay, they're letting me stay. This is good. And I'm almost in an overall emotional state that I may actually be able to function this time. Procrastinating about talking to my dad, though. I want to feel good about myself for at least fifteen minutes.

JoVo:

I'm giving it one more shot, since they're letting me. I'm lucky enough to say that I do have friends, money, and something of a support system. And the mental health...well...um...I'm working on that.

My parents do the same. Sigh.

Most definately.

Your rant reminded me of my own situation with my dad. He constantly makes himself out to be the good guy, lenient and joking one moment, then he's self-appointed judge and jury of the world. He holds on to stereotypes and the more traditional ways of looking at things. Money and education are priority and nothing else matters. He's always looking over my shoulder to pick out mistakes (which usually means anything I don't do his way), or make poorly hidden criticisms, waiting for the next opportunity to go on some tirade about how I'm not putting enough effort in, or that I'm not prioritizing "properly." I mean who phones their adult son to ask if he's eaten dinner? Who complains when I "don't do enough homework/study," then that I'm "staying up too late" when I'm putting in extra time for homework? For being top of my class for all three years of jr. high, I recieved "Good, do better next time."

It gets tiring, especially when I'm so neurotic about everything. Speaking out loud in class for a presentation, or simply answering a question can make me anxious, before, during, and long after. It doesn't help that there's always that threat of not being up to the parents' standard.

sad I'm sorry, Keith. That sucks.

With my dad, it's more to the point on traditional standards and values that he enforces on me. He believes that the world is for men and women. No others like men and men or women and women. Then In his eyes Women are the "Housewives".

I have had extensive debate with him on his theorys that women are the root of all evil and that the whole women rights acts were a mistake that made women feel better than they are.

I see his point on some issues that the whole liberations issues sometimes get out of hand, but minorities stuggle, so it is justified, and the only reason that it is getting so far out there is because we notice it more due to the fact that there are people putting an effort forward. The liberation of gay rights in society is something that he is against, but doesn't every human deserve equality in all aspects of life...? Homosexuality does predate... well, it goes back farther than before the birth of christ.

At work... the staff is all women, with the exception of myself, and so many of the hate me so much because of my attitude towards my dad. They say to me, how can you be so mean to him... as he sports and innocent puppy attitude, and they all fall for the fact that he is a huge flirt, always bringing them chocolates and candies, complimenting them so often. One of them said that if I ever said anything about my dad again she'd smack me because he is such a nice guy. When he hangs around other guys... All I really hear about is how he wants a piece of that, or look at those boobs, or what a nice a**.

Sick old ***** looking at girls less than half his age. Oh, yes... the motto, look but don't touch... well that's all good and dandy until you move from the spot you are standing to get a better look. There was a time when I had to tell him to keep his eyes in his own damn head. gawd that day... if he had been on a leash, he would have choked himself. THEY DON'T KNOW HIM LIKE I DO... why can't they leave me alone, why do they have to get mad at me... at least I am real, and not some womanizing old man... Disgusting...

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Chocolate and cookies for all. I feel depressed. Like a dirty old man. Yay! Have some hot chocolate!