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 Posted: Fri Mar 18, 2011 5:02 pm
;w; I'm a very selfish person...*crawls under a blanket*
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Posted: Fri Mar 18, 2011 5:25 pm
I woke up about five hours ago thinking it was elven am or something. Then I thought "I should probably get up, see if I can salvage anything from this day, even though it's, like, 12 or 1". When I forced my eyes open (something I'd been trying to do for a while) and automatically reached for my laptop, I still thought it was sometime around midday. When I turned it on and looked at the time, it was 7:58. Maybe it's just that it's pretty sunny out today? I don't know. But, oh my God, it's a struggle to keep my eyes open. And my stomach again feels crushed. Once, when my doctor asked how my back pain felt, I described it as 'not really pain as much as discomfort. Like in that Centrum ad where the woman is wrapped in heavy chains that drag her down. It feels like someone wrapped my spine in chains so it's a billion times heavier'. Now it feels like the mass of my back is heavier too...xD...Every morning when I wake up from sleeping on my stomach, I feel like my ribs are crushed. And I'm incapable of sleeping on my side anymore. Ughhhhhhh.
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Posted: Fri Mar 18, 2011 7:59 pm
Iunno what I'll do if people start complaining about my idea sad I feel like it's inevitable, even though I said nobody HAS to play, and the fact that it'd be like booing someone for going up on stage and admitting that they have stage fright but are going to do their thing anyway...
I wish I got more credit for doing things I'm scared to do. I get virtually none, even when I know people should know about it because I've talked about it before...people always focus on how whatever I said/did was stupid and horrible even though it was so hard for me to even say/do it.
I need positive feedback to feel like I'm not a total failure. People don't give me enough. When I do something right, everyone's just like "okay", like it's just what's expected...and of course, it is. Doing good things is the norm, not an accomplishment. I need much more positive reinforcement than I ever get.
I wish I could revert back to toddlerhood with my current memories and personality intact. All the praise I'd get for using the potty...all the adoration I'd get for knowing complex algebra...
tl;dr: Nothing I do is ever good enough, no matter how hard I try.
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Posted: Fri Mar 18, 2011 8:19 pm
Kamastr0 The phrase "Have a wank!Have a kitkat" is now stuck in my head, thanksies Gaia
Have you tried kitkat dark? they're quite tastey.
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Posted: Fri Mar 18, 2011 8:44 pm
i've been off line for too long and have no idea what's going on with people. I've worried.
The tsunami warning here after the devastation in Japan was surreal. Once again the neighborhood was panicking - and there were fireworks for some reason. there are always fire works. The evacuation didn't make much sense. one hour before the expected hit, the perimeter of the flood zone was to be closed down- no in or out. No in, i can understand, but no out?
Of course we did not evacuate. 1- there was obviously no need. the animals were fine, there would be no tsunami. 2- we couldn't if we wanted to, no vehicle and 2 people of impaired mobility (my son has been ill).
so when people finally came pouring back from the shelters there was, yes, fireworks. wth
i wonder how many of the kids I grew up with are now dead form this quake and that last big one in Kyoto. A lot of the kids i went to school with back in elementary, their families would move back and forth to Japan. it's just morbid curiosity. and they were nice friends.
Everything is falling apart. what i want most right now (aside from a healthy family) is just to go for a walk. i don't thinkthat's asking toomuch. just a little walk, maybe down to the beach of the park...
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Posted: Sat Mar 19, 2011 12:44 am
I really need to learn how to say no to people. I'm already stressed from my current job, but my friend's mom owns a pet grooming shop and one of her groomers walked out on her today. And of course I'm the first person my friend calls to ask if I can cover that other groomers hours until they find a new one. I understand that I used to work for her mom when I was in highschool so I already know the regular customers and everything about the shop, but I don't think I can handle two jobs plus everything else that's going on right now.
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Posted: Sat Mar 19, 2011 1:05 am
I'm just really happy today, I feel like today was like the best day ever. But then I think about it, and I think I just feel that way because I got to see Chris today. I met with him to practice dance, and afterwards I was just so happy I couldn't stop smiling. <3 And I was able to sorta ask him out as well. I'm going bowling and to dinner with him on Monday, though I didn't keep it exclusive to us two so it's possible that a few of his friends might come along as well. I'm hoping not though. (/selfish) >.< But yes really really happy <3333333 and to top it off it' spring break! A full week of freedom~ :3
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Posted: Sat Mar 19, 2011 1:08 am
MewWhite ;w; I'm a very selfish person...*crawls under a blanket*
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Posted: Sat Mar 19, 2011 8:24 am
@ Kestin, You're doing amazingly well! I'm so proud of you! I'm sure the event will be a great success, why I might even join in if I can find the time! Life is a little crazy atm so you know.
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Posted: Sat Mar 19, 2011 8:37 am
Special message for Cannibal Horsey:
“We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.”
-Oscar Wilde
You're one of the ones looking at the stars; one of the ones who stays strong no matter how hard it gets, and you've come too far to give up now. You're amazing heart
Smile.
(:
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Posted: Sat Mar 19, 2011 8:58 am
LabTech Kestin Iunno what I'll do if people start complaining about my idea sad I feel like it's inevitable, even though I said nobody HAS to play, and the fact that it'd be like booing someone for going up on stage and admitting that they have stage fright but are going to do their thing anyway...
I wish I got more credit for doing things I'm scared to do. I get virtually none, even when I know people should know about it because I've talked about it before...people always focus on how whatever I said/did was stupid and horrible even though it was so hard for me to even say/do it.
I need positive feedback to feel like I'm not a total failure. People don't give me enough. When I do something right, everyone's just like "okay", like it's just what's expected...and of course, it is. Doing good things is the norm, not an accomplishment. I need much more positive reinforcement than I ever get.
I wish I could revert back to toddlerhood with my current memories and personality intact. All the praise I'd get for using the potty...all the adoration I'd get for knowing complex algebra...
tl;dr: Nothing I do is ever good enough, no matter how hard I try.
/hugs
Don't worry, Kestin! If anybody complains about your idea, those people are silly. >>
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Posted: Sat Mar 19, 2011 9:00 am
MewWhite ;w; I'm a very selfish person...*crawls under a blanket*
You're an awesome person, and don't let anyone (including yourself) convince you otherwise. heart
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Posted: Sat Mar 19, 2011 12:29 pm
My grandma just gave me $200 for no reason .____________.
Why do I keep coming into all this money?!?! XD
I've more than paid for both cameras now and still have a bunch leftover so I can buy anything I need while my parents are in Texas ^^
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Posted: Sat Mar 19, 2011 1:17 pm
Why must I always pass out when I'm waiting for something important? x.x .******** this noise, I'm gonna go do something productive that doesn't make me fall asleep or depressed.
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Posted: Sat Mar 19, 2011 1:51 pm
You know you're in love when all the love songs make sense, and somehow relate to you. <3
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