|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Sat Jun 30, 2007 11:05 am
Guildwars4ever A lone figure sat by the edge of the lake, the water was as smooth as glass. He seemed to be in complete focus. After some time, he stood. Then he moved his hands into hand sign I have never seen before. Then, rising out of the water, was a dragon. It ws the Water Dragon Jutsu! But, due to the fact that he was a genin, he could not hold the jutsu for long, nd the water fell back to the lake. After seeing such a marvelous display, I went over to ask the ninja his name. He replyed in a cold voice "My name is Hideo Mamochi, and I will restore honor to the Mamochi name." I was speechless. Here I was talking to a living breathing carrier of the Mamochi bloodline! Then he reached for something in his back pocket. It was smoke bomb! No sooner than he took out the tool than he was gone.
you must not tell from first person, so let's say the merchants name is Hirotamo Kenji, then instead of "I saw him doing a handseal" you must write "Kenji saw him doing a handseal"
third person RP is one of the requirements to pass, so alter that.
also in this post, you play with two characters, it would be better to do a post with one character playing a role, since it will be most likely you'll start with one character as well, so do a sample with one character
(big words coming from someone who RP'ed 20 characters here, but starting with one is a good idea for beginners)
a good point is that you RP describing, instead of "he replied" you do "he replied in a cold voice", that way your post lenth will increase gretaly, and your postlength is what is important (one who's writing essays for posts will get great glory, examples are myself and Aznka, read some posts in the Jikan Dojo, Kumogakure subforum, you'll see what i mean, there are posts consisting of more then 50 lines there)
do another sample in which you fixed the two points of criticism, and PM me to look at it again 3nodding one last advice however: link your sentences, a lot of short small sentences following each other in short succesion will read awfully
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Jun 30, 2007 11:25 am
MitsukiNeko ((Hopefully I get the ok for my character, I'm more of an Inuzuka expert sweatdrop . Anyway, my character is Sachigo Inuzuka and her little wolf is Mirioku.)) Sachiko panted heavily as she dodged the oncoming lunge from Mirioku. Their sensei had instructed them to train on their "wonderful vacation from missions". Sachi had rolled her eyes at his comment. She didn't really think that two days off from missions would be that wonderful. "Comon Miri! Can't you hit me at all?" She yelled. It wasn't a very smart choice seeing as how she was about to collapse. The wolf growled a bit and clawed the ground like a bull about to charge. Instead of charging however, he fell onto his stomach and yawned. His master laughed. Sachi walked over to him smiling and sat down. The day was almost gone, and they had been training since early morning. "You did good little one.. Very good indeed." Said Sachiko as she pet him and watched the colorful sky around the setting sun.
pass, although i would probably post it as this:-c4-cyberlink Sachiko panted heavily as she dodged the oncoming lunge from Mirioku. Their sensei had instructed them to train on their "wonderful vacation from missions". Sachi had rolled her eyes at his comment. She didn't really think that two days off from missions would be that wonderful.
"C'mon Miri! Can't you hit me at all?"
She yelled. It wasn't a very smart choice seeing as how she was about to collapse. The wolf growled a bit and clawed the ground like a bull about to charge. Instead of charging however, he fell onto his stomach and yawned. His master laughed. Sachi walked over to him smiling and sat down. The day was almost gone, and they had been training since early morning.
"You did good little one.. Very good indeed."
Said Sachiko as she pet him and watched the colorful sky around the setting sun.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Jun 30, 2007 11:28 am
A lone figure sat at the edge of the lake with its surface as smooth as glass. He had no expression on his face so he must've been in intense focus. After some time, he stood up and moved his hands to create a handseal he had only tried once previously. He was successful in completing the Water Drgon Jutsu, but, due to the fact that he was a genin, he could not hold the jutsu for long and the dragon fell back into the lake, returning to normal water.
He fell back exhausted due to the intense amount of chakra it required and closed his eyes. He awoke a few hours later only after feeling the rain falling down on his face and rose with a shock. "I'm gonna be late for my first class!" he thought to himself. "I wouldn't be off to a good start to bring respect to the name Hideo Mamochi by being late for my first class." Then he ran down the trail leading to the Village Hidden in the Mist ninja academy with panicked look on his face.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Jun 30, 2007 11:37 am
Guildwars4ever A lone figure sat at the edge of the lake with its surface as smooth as glass. He had no expression on his face so he must've been in intense focus. After some time, he stood up and moved his hands to create a handseal he had only tried once previously. He was successful in completing the Water Drgon Jutsu, but, due to the fact that he was a genin, he could not hold the jutsu for long and the dragon fell back into the lake, returning to normal water. He fell back exhausted due to the intense amount of chakra it required and closed his eyes. He awoke a few hours later only after feeling the rain falling down on his face and rose with a shock. "I'm gonna be late for my first class!" he thought to himself. "I wouldn't be off to a good start to bring respect to the name Hideo Mamochi by being late for my first class." Then he ran down the trail leading to the Village Hidden in the Mist ninja academy with panicked look on his face. okay, you pass now 3nodding but heed the advice i gave to the one before you, Misukineko 3nodding see the above posts
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Jun 30, 2007 11:42 am
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Jun 30, 2007 4:12 pm
Nobody graded my post yet.
-points to page 52-
Whoever does, please feel free to give me pointers.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Jun 30, 2007 5:04 pm
aramatsu91 Aramatsu treaded slowly forward, cautious of his surroundings as he hunted, watching carefully through the dense brush for any signs of movement, any hints of his foe's whereabouts. He panted slightly, the hot, muggy air causing his breathing to be heavier; however, he forcibly kept his breathing as quiet as he could. As he searched, taking one small step at a time, he caught a rustling motion out of the corner of his eye. Resting a hand on the sheath of his katana, he prepared to draw quickly and silently eliminate the target. All of a sudden, a dark figure bursted from the foliage, sprinting for his own life as he tried to get away from Aramatsu. That motion was the last one he ever made. A dashing slash, horizontally across the neck, was all it took. The man felt no pain. And never would. Wiping the blade clean on the man's clothing, Aramatsu sheathed his weapon, slowly making his way back to the village. sorry to be a pain... but you seem to have skipped over mine. could you please grade me so that i may start rping?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Jun 30, 2007 7:45 pm
aramatsu91 aramatsu91 Aramatsu treaded slowly forward, cautious of his surroundings as he hunted, watching carefully through the dense brush for any signs of movement, any hints of his foe's whereabouts. He panted slightly, the hot, muggy air causing his breathing to be heavier; however, he forcibly kept his breathing as quiet as he could. As he searched, taking one small step at a time, he caught a rustling motion out of the corner of his eye. Resting a hand on the sheath of his katana, he prepared to draw quickly and silently eliminate the target. All of a sudden, a dark figure bursted from the foliage, sprinting for his own life as he tried to get away from Aramatsu. That motion was the last one he ever made. A dashing slash, horizontally across the neck, was all it took. The man felt no pain. And never would. Wiping the blade clean on the man's clothing, Aramatsu sheathed his weapon, slowly making his way back to the village. sorry to be a pain... but you seem to have skipped over mine. could you please grade me so that i may start rping? They skipped me too, so don't feel bad.
GAWD I keep seeing more and more people with the Guitar of Angellus.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Jun 30, 2007 7:46 pm
@ aramatsu:
if i was allowed to approve, youd be good to go. i think you are anyways, though, so yeah.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Jun 30, 2007 7:48 pm
@ nuisance:
same thing, but i cant actually approve you..
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Jun 30, 2007 7:50 pm
lol... i have the description stuff down no problem (i have like 1000 posts as a hunter-nin in another guild), its just the d20 im strugglinig with. but thanks... im sure ill get approved eventually.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Jun 30, 2007 8:01 pm
Hnn... here goes nothing. My character's name is Sosuke Morirui. Sorry if it's a little voluminous.
Roleplay Sample:
The enemy's eyes darted left, then right. Thirty minutes passed since his encounter with the Mist shinobi, who had no idea of his whereabouts. It was a good start; ninja did their best to stay undetected. A few hundred meters away, the mist ninja in question was resting at the base of a tree, taking refuge in its shade. 'The enemy's definitely clever... he must've been in a siege situation like this befo-' The mist ninja's train of thought was suddenly broken by a disruption in the underbrush several meters away.
He dashed towards it, and immediately recognized it as the target, lunging at it. The enemy and the mist-nin rolled for a few feet, before stopping. When the ninja picked himself up, he was chuckling, holding the enemy by the front paws. A voice emanated from close by: "Good job, Mori-san." It resonated in an adult tone. The voice was connected to a man of brown hair and hazel eyes, wearing a mist headband. "Mission: Capture the missing pet was successful."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Jun 30, 2007 8:33 pm
aramatsu91 lol... i have the description stuff down no problem (i have like 1000 posts as a hunter-nin in another guild), its just the d20 im strugglinig with. but thanks... im sure ill get approved eventually. Actually I was the Hokage in another guild that had recently died. So I quit, and came here to start fresh. The D20 system is actually pretty new to me also, so if you need somebody to practice with I'm all for it.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Jul 01, 2007 7:59 am
[Nuisance] Sunlight managed to squeeze between the thousands of leaves above. With his eyes closed tightly, Kade dozed silently underneath the large hammock. His body was very exhausted, and it seemed that even the slightest movement caused him to lose even more energy. The day of hard training had left him not only tired physically, but mentally too. His worn down mind ached after spending half of the day in the library, researching the variations of clans and bloodlines throughout the known world. Lying motionless on the cold ground, a small gust of wind blew a single leaf from the oak above him. Somehow, this peculiar leaf managed to float and position itself where it landed right on Kade’s forehead. His body jolted involuntarily as he swiped at his forehead, knocking the leaf off and poking himself in the eye. A sensation of irritation took over his body as he pulled himself to his feet, staring blankly at the single leaf that now lay motionlessly on the ground.
His eye began to water as he made his way back to his house. Though his muscles ached, he decided it would be best to continue resting somewhere he would have to worry about the annoyance of Mother Nature. As he trudged through the thicket, he noticed that the sky had begun to darken and numerous black clouds began to form over-head. Quickening his pace he removed his beloved headband from around his somewhat large forehead and shoved it into his pocket, protecting it from Mother Nature, whom he thought was plotting against him in some sick way, and was trying to annoy him at any cost.
[I hope this will do. My mind isn't really cooperating now so I could not think of anything else. Sorry!] Lol you pass 3nodding If this is what you do out of form that is great! :3
|
|
|
|
|
|
kouri-chan_xx Vice Captain
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
