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 Posted: Tue Jul 27, 2010 3:12 pm
@Sparxx Inferni: Could you redo your rp sample? I'm having a hard time reading it cause of the grammar and a few things that do not make any sense at all.
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Posted: Tue Jul 27, 2010 3:36 pm
Other than grammar what exactly do I need to fix; I kinda need some specifics
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Posted: Tue Jul 27, 2010 3:43 pm
Quote: As the Rouges got closer they started walking towards him, then realizing their numbers they charged him him like a pack of wild animals. The wolves took a tactical approach, proving that they were smarter than their owners by waiting for Yoarashi's next move.... How dose that make any sense? There's a example of something you need to fix, but im not going to go through the whole thing for you.
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Posted: Tue Jul 27, 2010 4:45 pm
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Posted: Tue Jul 27, 2010 5:18 pm
@Sparxx Inferni: Denied, This decision was made after Hinote and I discussed your app. There are many thing in your Rp sample that do not make the least bit of sense, and I do not believe that you showed that you know the bloodline fully. Please remake your rp sample and resubmit your app when your done.
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Posted: Tue Jul 27, 2010 10:53 pm
Rpc Name: yamamoto rikako Village: hidden village of the clouds Rank: academy trainee Bloodline or Clan applied for: Origami no Dara What you know about the clan/bl: (If you put everything it will be denied on the spot) They can manipulate and make paper in thier own chakra and they can make it as deadly weapons and jutsus, in my opinion this is the most deadly and artistic clan ive ever seen Rp Sample: (at least 2 paragraphs of at least 10 lines using said BL or Clan) It was 9 am and Yamamoto quickly runs into a forest outside his villlage,it was sunny the sky is blue but yamamoto could not see it because she was busy thinking to be the best in his clan,Then she finds a grassland after she run across the forest and she stop there(his front view is the grassland and directly behind him is the forest) she then quickly made a lot of hand signs, The leaves from the trees right behind him quickly turn into paper and those paper start to revolve around her and she said "Kami bushin(神 武新）" This jutsu takes advantage of her ability to manipulate paper. She can shape the paper into a perfect replica of her that he can control remotely. And when she stop the jutsu, it merely collapses back into sheets of paper. and then she makes another hand signs and said "Kami Shuriken!!" Yamamoto then infuses paper with chakra and use them as weapons instead of normal shuriken. Unlike normal shuriken, these do not appear to spin. And she quickly hit a tree with his kami shuriken,and right after the tree is hit the paper shuriken crumbles back into papers, She then continues to train until sunset and when he stopped she said "one day i will be as great as you lady Konan" and she smiles. She then got back to his village and stop to a ramen house. "this was a nice training day"she said this while her mouth is full biggrin 
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Posted: Wed Jul 28, 2010 1:45 am
@rakistah091: Denied, Your rp sample is lacking and you do not show that you know the bloodline fully. You also failed to show the bloodlines weaknesses. Please remake your rp sample and resubmit your app when your done.
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Posted: Wed Jul 28, 2010 2:38 am
Orchid Moon @rakistah091: Denied, Your rp sample is lacking and you do not show that you know the bloodline fully. You also failed to show the bloodlines weaknesses. Please remake your rp sample and resubmit your app when your done. awe snap
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Posted: Wed Jul 28, 2010 6:41 am
Rpc Name: yamamura ryori
Village: Sunagakure
Rank: Academy student
Bloodline or Clan applied for: Origami no Dara
What you know about the clan/bl: (If you put everything it will be denied on the spot) They can manipulate and make paper, they can turn them into deadly weapons
the are very weak againts lightning,fire and water(ive added this because its very obvious
Rp Sample: (at least 2 paragraphs of at least 10 lines using said BL or Clan)
My cat was in my arms as I rolled out of the gates and towards the many other countries. I would just have to travel through Kumogakure and Kusagakure to get to Konohagakure. I let my hair flow gently through the ride. My jacket was being pushed behind me with the help of wind resistance. The wind was going against me. Strong as about ten miles per hour, I was able to still skate easily as I went in a sort of downhill plain. I was in the part of Kaminari no Kuni that was filled with cliffs and plains, not cool forests. I was confident to make the tea party.
I've been around to know a general understanding of the world's map. I raced towards Grass Country in the rocky plains of what was known as Kasigakure. I thought about what would happen back home and hope everyone got along with one another. I laughed to myself and then held up my cat to my face not paying attention as I rolled down the hill.
"You excited to meet new people Bun-bun!? We're going to a new Country! You love the hot springs thier! Remember that time you poured ramen all over your face? That was funny! Well, hold on tight Bun-bun! We're going on an adventure!"
I put Bun-bun in my backpack, letting half of his dollness hang out so he could enjoy the breeze too. I whistled and then put on some earphones connected to a music player and put on some calm music for the adventure. I was ready to go to the world.
Omg that took alot of time even though its not that good biggrin
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Posted: Wed Jul 28, 2010 8:51 am
Rpc Name: Tsumi Arashi
Village: Still going to apply for Kiri
Rank: Academy Student
Bloodline or Clan applied for: Chakra Mouth
What you know about the clan/bl: The Chakra Mouths, located on the user's body are known to be able to produce explosive clay when the clay is given them to chew. Inside the mouths, the clay is infused with chakra that causes them to be explosive and also allows the change of shape, size and movement of the clay used by the user.
As weakness, if the user runs out of clay it may leave him/her vulnerable. There is also the natural (or maybe...narutal) vulnerability of the explosives to lightning due to the elemental weakness of earth based techniques.
Rp Sample:
Tsumi has recently moved in the village with her parents. A young girl with a hobby...explosives. Using the special mouths she had on the palm of each hand, Tsumi managed to create explosives using clay as source.
In the new village, Tsumi quickly found somewhere she could test her explosives in peace. It was an open area outside the village, surrounded by mist so it would be hard to find her without being used to the mist.
Tsumi placed both hands inside a pouch with clay she carried with her and put the clay inside the special mouths. After a few moments, the mouths finished chewing clay and had infused it with chakra. Tsumi held the clay with her hands and made it take the form of a white bird. She threw it towards a tree and it flew as if it was a real bird, towards the tree.
As the bird would reach the tree, Tsumi made a one-hand hand sign and muttered a command. The bird exploded, causing part of the tree to be destroyed. "Aw...it didn't destroy the whole tree..." she complained and had already prepared more clay. She molded the clay, this time she was using more clay than before and made it take the form of a snake. The snake moved towards the tree and began to climb the tree in a spiral motion around it. Tsumi once again made the hand sign and muttered the command once more, exploding the snake of clay. The snake had wrapped the trunk of the tree and when it exploded, the tree was almost completely destroyed. "Yes! Success!" she exclaimed and jumped with joy. She had successfully created a stronger explosive.
With the success of her clay, Tsumi went back in the village, it was getting late already and her parents would be worried about her.
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Posted: Wed Jul 28, 2010 9:48 am
(I redid the secnd paragraph because that is where the problem was correct) Rpc Name: Makkura, Yoarashi Village: Kumogakure Rank: Academy Student Bloodline or Clan applied for: Anigan What you know about the clan/bl: To adchieve at least basic training for stage one you have to go through extreme amounts of training or a intense stress/ emotional condition. To completely use stage one, you have look at at least ten animals to fully adchieve first stage. You gain one natural ability to use from an animal such as sight, hearing, etc. Mixing of animal traits can only be achieved on the final stage. Amd last, but not least, the most important part, If you get hit directly by a raiton technique you lose the ability to use your anigan for two post. Rp Sample: " You get a very special mission today my a**," Yo complained seeing that he had no choice in the matter to do this mission. He was given the mission of doing a long, time consuming, boring task of doing recon. He wasnt allowed to fight or kill any members of a Rouge ninja pack. They were becoming powerful and their range of jutsus were growing. As he got closer, he saw a hawk fly by over head; he decided to use his Anigan to use the hawks natural ability to see vast distances. As he scanned the hawk his visoin was magnified 20x what it originally. Yo scanned the area, while doing so he made a map of the area to make for future attacks on this camp. He saw a wolf leave the campsite. He returned his eye sight to normal to use his anigan to copy almost everything about the wolf to get in undetected. Turning into the wolf he jumped down from the tree avoiding the wolf on the way into the campsite. As he walked the inner damp corridors of this campsites poorly made building making a mental map of the area as he walked in the wolf's form using its instincts to guide him. He eventually came to what appeared to be the center of the building. The whole rouge ninja pack was in that one room, conversing and making plans.
The room was packed with rouge ninjas each from a different village. This upset Yo alot, there was so many there making plans for piliging, and finding jobs that ninja villages wouldn't do because it would make their village look like thugs, but since they were already dishonored they would do the jobs to pay for more weapons or food for the group. With all these ninjas in one room,none of them that like Yo, one wrong move and they'd be swarming. Yo walked slowly through the room staying in the wolf's shape. He tried to fit in with the other wolves in the corner. He tried to stay incognito as long as possible, but his chakra was depleting and he needed to get out. He got all the information needed, and moved silently across the floor again as to not attract attention to himself. As he exited the room, he slowly turned back to normal to conserve chakra. He worked his way to the edge of the camp. Most of everyone was still inside just talking having a good time, so this made it easy for him to escape the camp undetected. As he walked into the forest the same wolf that had walked outside the camp before, was now returningwith blood covering itself,probally coming from hunting.Using the rest of his chakra copied the wolf down to everything, but scent to make it appear as if it was a different wolf. He walked past it, and kept a low profile. The wolf ignored him making this an successful mission. On the way back to report to Raikage, he started to complain," He also said that this wasn't going to require much stealth. This job had better pay big, or I'm going to be pissed," he walked into the darkness back to the village hands in pocket grumbling on way.
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Posted: Wed Jul 28, 2010 12:41 pm
Meta: Alright, you did a good job with your edits and I think you're definitely capable of using the bloodline properly. You did well with Zenko anyway, so I have good confidence you'll use the bloodline well. Soooo.....
Despite what this picture may seem to represent...
COBRA APPROVES!!!
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Posted: Wed Jul 28, 2010 1:25 pm
@rakistah091: Denied, That rp sample has nothing to do with the bloodline. Please remake your rp sample and resubmit your app when your done. @iTsumi Arashi: Denied, Your rp sample is lacking when it comes to showing that you know the bloodline fully. You also failed to show the bloodlines weaknesses in the rp sample. As a tip, describe your chakra mouths doing their thing if you know what I mean. Quote: Tsumi placed both hands inside a pouch with clay she carried with her and put the clay inside the special mouths. After a few moments, the mouths finished chewing clay and had infused it with chakra. The use of the mouths are vague and is not descriptive in any way. Quote: Tsumi managed to create explosives using clay as source. The clay its self is already explosive, just like 99% of all other explosives it needs something to activate the explosive properties. The charks mouths simply infuse the explosive clay with chakra allowing the use to activate it and control it at will. (That's the basics at least) Please remake your rp sample and resubmit your app when your done. Sparxx Inferni: Denied, Sorry but in your rp sample you do not show that you know the bloodline fully, a suggestion would be to reread the bloodline a few times and try and figure out what I mean. Please remake your rp sample and resubmit your app when your done.
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Posted: Wed Jul 28, 2010 2:37 pm
Hello, Orchid I hope you don't mind this OoC but there is something I really wanted to say to Sparxx and all future Anigan applicants. I've done some talking with Lance and he helped me remake the Anigan but he did tell me that if its user began to make it god-moddish he would have to nuke it. Now since I'm the head of the bloodline and I spent a lot of time re-making the anigan I really don't want to see this happen which is why I'd like to use this one post to give advice to any and all people who want the Anigan. If that's not alright with you then i understand, I tried waiting until you had a chance to reply to everyone who had submitted their apps but like I said, just delete it if you have to. Hopefully Sparxx will read this before she decides to nuke it...
First thing I would like you to recognize is that the Anigan is extremely powerful and in the wrong hands it can become too powerful. And it, just like the sharingan and konaga clan, can easily be seen as god-moddish if not used correctly. I suggest looking at Animal Planet and seeing some of the abilities animals have. The Rhinoceros Beetle can lift over 850 times its own body weight. Bloodhounds with incredible senses of smell. A tiger beetle's ability which if was used you can sprint at 307 mph (of course you go blind but still that could be a mean tackle). Spiders deadly venom. A rhinoceros tough skin. A snake's deadly constriction. And a cockroaches immunity to most poison is just a few powers available. Now hopefully you see how when not in the right hands it could be serious god-modding? Wolves and hawkeyes are cool for theatrics but I'm sure Orchid really needs to see how you use some of these traits.
What Orchid is saying is completely true and valid. She's doing a great job of accepting and declining this bloodline. It seems like you have been using the old Anigan descriptions but if you look it has changed in many MANY ways. I don't think you've used any of the clan's jutsu which is another part of the clan that you need to look at. You should at least try to include 2-3 of the clans jutsus in your RP sample. Especially when we have techs like Animal Transformation. You could turn your cute house pet dog into a lion, and then turn that lion into an elephant.
Now my personal suggestions are when you are apply for the Anigan you should put your character in a position where he already mastered the Anigan. What I and I'm sure Orchid would like to see from users of this bloodline is how you control the full power of this bloodline. Also I think your gonna need more then just two paragraphs to really show you know how to use this bloodline but don't be discouraged because you really get a lot to play around with and it should be fun. Normally I would not just give advice to one member but I hear that there are going to be two more Anigan applicants and I want them to read this so that they completely understand and make Orchid's life easier.
Orchid Moon Approves this very helpful post.
So does Hinote Tosatsu. Because it matters what he thinks.
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Posted: Wed Jul 28, 2010 4:07 pm
Orchid Moon @iTsumi Arashi: Denied, Your rp sample is lacking when it comes to showing that you know the bloodline fully. You also failed to show the bloodlines weaknesses in the rp sample. As a tip, describe your chakra mouths doing their thing if you know what I mean. Quote: Tsumi placed both hands inside a pouch with clay she carried with her and put the clay inside the special mouths. After a few moments, the mouths finished chewing clay and had infused it with chakra. The use of the mouths are vague and is not descriptive in any way. Quote: Tsumi managed to create explosives using clay as source. The clay its self is already explosive, just like 99% of all other explosives it needs something to activate the explosive properties. The charks mouths simply infuse the explosive clay with chakra allowing the use to activate it and control it at will. (That's the basics at least) Please remake your rp sample and resubmit your app when your done. How is my rp sample showing that I lack of knowledge about the bloodline? The weaknesses are stated at the part that asks me what I know about the "bloodline" in question. "As tip, describe your chakra mouths doing their thing..." you mean describe them chewing clay? I stated that. The chakra is infused while they chew clay. Also, on the first page, it says "make sure to show that you know both the strengths and weaknesses of the clan or bloodline, let us know that you know the limitations of your bloodline or clan" without saying I have to put my abilities being affected by the weakness in the sample. If clay itself is an explosive or not, I don't really care. I stated that clay was used as source of the explosive, because explosives can be made with a lot of things but it was clay being used at that moment and it is clay that is used by the chakra mouths. Orchid Moon The charks mouths simply infuse the explosive clay with chakra allowing the use to activate it and control it at will. A quote from Narutopedia Quote: A fancy and skillful fighter, Deidara possessed special mouths in the palm of each hand to create Exploding Clay, chakra-infused clay that detonated with the command Katsu (喝) and a single-hand hand seal.
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