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 Posted: Sat Mar 12, 2011 9:46 pm
Vinicius Fernagon I have a teddy bear that my grandpa gave me for my first birthday. I love that thing to death. My dad thinks I've finally gone crazy because I've been walking around talking to my teddy bear all day. He doesn't believe me when I try to explain to him that when I talk to my bear I feel like I'm talking to my grandpa.
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Posted: Sat Mar 12, 2011 9:47 pm
MewWhite Jedi Sasquatch It's been close to two weeks and I still haven't heard from her.
I'm getting really worried.
And a bit lonely. emo
And don't worry, you still have me~ (But it's not the same. Sorry. emo )
And thanks. /hugs heart
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Posted: Sat Mar 12, 2011 9:57 pm
Jedi Sasquatch MewWhite Jedi Sasquatch It's been close to two weeks and I still haven't heard from her.
I'm getting really worried.
And a bit lonely. emo
And don't worry, you still have me~ (But it's not the same. Sorry. emo )
And thanks. /hugs heart
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Posted: Sun Mar 13, 2011 4:03 am
Quote from elsewhere on the internetz:
"I feel as though every time I do something fun, by the time it's over I always feel an overwhelming sense of depression, loneliness, and hollowness. I think I'm actually going to try to talk to people about this, because there is something wrong with me and I want it to stop."
Same thing for me, buddy. x.x
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Posted: Sun Mar 13, 2011 5:59 am
Venting. Ton of venting. And holy crap, swearing. And sweet baby Jesus, text wall / pagestretch.
That's it. This is ******** it.
This is one of those now extremely rare moments where I can actually think; where I'm not being my 'normal' ditzy-innocent self. I'm not ditzy. I'm not innocent. I am a ******** monster and I know it.
Sweet Arceus ******** christ. God. God damn it.
No white knight is going to pluck me out of this tower. I created this tower. I locked myself in. And I'm going to break the ******** out right now.
Damn, this tastes good. I should make more s**t like this. ******** yes. God, it feels good to swear right now. All of my demons, present and accounted for? Good. I'm going to rip each and every one of you a new one.
I will stop feeling upset and guilty over a boy who is long since DEAD AND GONE. Not coming back. Get the ******** over it. ******** christ, yes, it sucks. It sucks! People die and they leave you to flounder without them. You have people ALIVE and around you NOW who want you to be happy. For ******** sake, at least do it for them. Also, I will stop being upset over other dead people. Yep, they're dead and don't give a flying ******** anymore. Mourn and move on.
I will stop being a whiny ******** c**t. God damn, I whine more than a pampered celebrity. Jesus. At least get something legitimate to whine about. Or, y'know, just ******** DEAL W/ IT NRD.
s**t s**t s**t losing train of thought. ********. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. Found the train. Getting back on.
If and when I need to vent, I will do it here. No one needs to sit and pat me on the head and coo baby gibberish while I struggle with internal bullshit. Alternatively, I will call up my boyfriend and b***h at him until I feel better. Arceusdamnit, he's a ******** saint. Puts up with my bullshit and doesn't afraid of anything. Oh, good point, demon #3,400,127.
I will forgive and while I will not forget, I will NOT be a catty b***h and bring it up whenever I feel particularly snippish. Jesus. Look up the meaning of forgive, you obviously do not know w-SQUIRRELL!!!-hat it ******** losing train of thought again. I will fix this ******** spacebar. ********, this lack of spacebar annoys the s**t out of me. I will plant those ******** flowers. And they will be ******** awesome and attract more birds and butterflies than we can afford to feed. Hell yes. I will empty that goddamned storage building if it kills me.
I will stop shutting people out. Mainly, I will stop shutting out the person closest to me. He doesn't need that bullshit and neither do I. Cuddle time.
I will stop lying to myself.
I WILL STOP SEEING MYSELF AS SUB-HUMAN. Yes, I am unattractive and kind of stupid, but hey, at least I have nice tits. And who doesn't love titties?
I will regain my sense of humor. I don't give a flaming ******** if you don't like it, I like it, I think it's funny, it made me laugh, and that's all that matters.
I will stop giving a ********. These ******** are mine, you can't have any. I will, however, allow people to take pisses. It would be cruel not to.
Big sigh, s**t I feel tired. I should have gone to sleep a while ago, but then OH s**t CLARITY TIME came, and now I've been up for an additional 3.3 hours. <******** is pretty shitty. I don't need to make it worse by adding more s**t on top of it.
"Life is a s**t sandwich, the more bread you have, the less s**t you have to taste."
thanks for those encouraging thoughts, mom /brofist
Goddamnitstopcoughing. Hahaha, breast milk cheese is pretty ******** funny. Gross, but funny.
Well, s**t. I think that's enough for now. I can't think of anything more.
Self, did you get the memo? For the TPS reports? I hope you did. I'm pretty sick of your s**t. Straighten the ******** up.
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Posted: Sun Mar 13, 2011 11:22 am
I've only had two hours of sleep today. XD I was up from 8am Saturday morning, and didn't fall asleep for the day until like, 6:50am Sunday morning. I woke up at 8:50am Sunday morning, and I've been up since. No naps or anything. XD I know it's my fault, but damn, I'm so out of it. I can't go back to sleep. If I do, I'll mess up my sleeping schedule for school on Tuesday. 8D So I won't get back to sleep until maybe 1am tomorrow.
EDIT: OK, so I lied. I took a two hour nap. XD I can already tell that I'm irritable and stuff. I'm not looking forward to getting to sleep tonight. *rolls around*
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Posted: Sun Mar 13, 2011 2:12 pm
@ Maris *glomp* I ******** love you honey! Take all the time to vent in the world, hell your rant made ME feel better. And you know how I am at the minute!
Still need to go home. Still need to make my doctors appointment, tbh it's vital so screw not having a car I'll take the god damn bus if I have to. I can't COPE like this anymore
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Posted: Sun Mar 13, 2011 7:02 pm
Curse you procrastination!!!
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Posted: Sun Mar 13, 2011 9:12 pm
HE'S GIVING ME A CHAAANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We FINALLY talked after 18 days of not talking (lulz, we talked for 12 minutes, and then he left again XD), and he agreed that he's going to give me a real, fair chance to show him that I can do better!!!! I am NOT going to ******** this up! Knowing that I have a chance makes this sooooo much easier on me! Now I don't have to worry that he could still want to leave me even if I do everything perfectly. As long as I don't ******** this up, everything will be okay! He'll be happy and we'll still be together!
I actually really like the whole not-talking-as-much thing. It gives me time to have a life instead of spending all my time at school, napping, and then talking to him. I wish we had done this sooner, before our grades started slipping and stuff. I know I'll be fine waiting, even if he takes like a month to finally be ready to talk to me again. I can do thissssssss.
I've noticed an improvement in the way I feel. I already feel less dependent. Not just less dependent on him, but in general, too. I've been driving places more often and doing things that I'd normally be too shy/helpless/paranoid/whatever to do. I want to keep this up and get to a point where if he breaks up with me, even though I'll be sad, it won't like... totally destroy me. I already have a few moments where I can see myself having a future without him, but there are also still moments of weakness where I break down and cry at the very idea. It's a major improvement, though, and every day that we aren't broken up is another day for me to make more progress with this. I just really hope that he meant it when he said he would give me a chance, because I'm not ready yet. I need more tiiiime, and thankfully, that seems to be what I'm getting =D <333333
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Posted: Sun Mar 13, 2011 9:45 pm
I just figured out why I've been able to have a girlfriend. The text I just sent said: "It's almost 1am, I know you're not up, in fact I hope you're asleep so you won't be tired all the time, but I just want you to know that I'm sitting here doing my homework and I can't stop thinking about you." x3
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Posted: Sun Mar 13, 2011 9:55 pm
EDITED: That was silliness. Never mind, don't worry about me. xd
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Posted: Sun Mar 13, 2011 10:36 pm
Jedi Sasquatch EDITED: That was silliness. Never mind, don't worry about me. xd D8 *Saw your post before you edited it* You sure?
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Posted: Sun Mar 13, 2011 11:09 pm
Even if my ship was a fleet of a hundred, it would still be too few
To carry all of this love I have simultaneously to you.
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Posted: Mon Mar 14, 2011 1:43 am
Little Miss Fortune HE'S GIVING ME A CHAAANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We FINALLY talked after 18 days of not talking (lulz, we talked for 12 minutes, and then he left again XD), and he agreed that he's going to give me a real, fair chance to show him that I can do better!!!! I am NOT going to ******** this up! Knowing that I have a chance makes this sooooo much easier on me! Now I don't have to worry that he could still want to leave me even if I do everything perfectly. As long as I don't ******** this up, everything will be okay! He'll be happy and we'll still be together!
I actually really like the whole not-talking-as-much thing. It gives me time to have a life instead of spending all my time at school, napping, and then talking to him. I wish we had done this sooner, before our grades started slipping and stuff. I know I'll be fine waiting, even if he takes like a month to finally be ready to talk to me again. I can do thissssssss.
I've noticed an improvement in the way I feel. I already feel less dependent. Not just less dependent on him, but in general, too. I've been driving places more often and doing things that I'd normally be too shy/helpless/paranoid/whatever to do. I want to keep this up and get to a point where if he breaks up with me, even though I'll be sad, it won't like... totally destroy me. I already have a few moments where I can see myself having a future without him, but there are also still moments of weakness where I break down and cry at the very idea. It's a major improvement, though, and every day that we aren't broken up is another day for me to make more progress with this. I just really hope that he meant it when he said he would give me a chance, because I'm not ready yet. I need more tiiiime, and thankfully, that seems to be what I'm getting =D <333333
*glomps* YAY! It's always good to make a step in the right direction. And at least now you feel a little more confident of being able to deal if the worst happens (which it hopefully damn well won't). I'm happy for you. heart
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