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gonk

I luv these funny lists that i find online, so I'm going to soooooo post them here just for fun...sorry for inappropriate language and stuph

50 ways to tease your lover

1. Tickle your lover with a feather
2. Kiss the arch of your lover's foot (oh hell - kiss them everywhere for hours)
3. Count each of your lover's toes with your lips (note: in most cases you should expect 10 )
4. Send your lover a dozen roses, then another dozen, specifically addressed to the pet name you have for your lovers genitals.
5. Give your lover a luxurious bubble bath (pay particular attention to the naughty parts)
6. Give your lover a dry brushing using a soft natural bristle brush.
7. Perform oral sex on your lover, without any expectation or requirement for reciprocation.
8. Trace lines on the inside of your lover's thighs with an ice cube.
9. Give your lover an over the knee spanking for an infraction of imaginary rules.
10. Shave your lover's genitals while they sit on the kitchen countertop
11. Paint your lover's fingers or toes (this one requires a steady hand)
12. Hire 2 massage therapists to come out to the house for a tandem (side by side) massage
13. Write "Property of [LOVER'S NAME]" with a pen on various body parts
14. Send flowers to your lover's place of work signed "secret admirer*
15. Arrive separately at a bar and hit on your lover as if it was the first time
16. Serve a sexy dessert to your lover using your lower abdomen as a serving tray.
17. Figure out naughty things to do with Popsicles (burrrrrrrrrrrrr)
18. Have sex in the back seat of your car (or on the hood if you own a BMW)
19. Have sex in a department store dressing room (watch out for pins).
20. Read erotica to your lover or surf Internet Porn together.
21. Play hide and seek on your lovers body with a bag of M&M's (plain - not peanut)
22. Take your lover for tango lessons and dance with a rose in your teeth
23. While in a public place - AND in a short skirt - inform your lover that you aren't wearing any panties
24. Download 100 love songs from Napster and create ultimate play list for your lover.
25. Accidentally spill your drink in your lap and ask your lover to help clean you up.
26. Using your computer, make a "Coupon" that can be redeemed for your lover' favorite mode of pleasure.
27. Make up code words for your favorite acts of love.. and discuss your love making in public without anyone knowing what you are talking about
28. Fulfill your lover's favorite fantasy (ok, something other than a 3 way this time guys)
29. Blindfold & bind your lover before making love - be a little rough
30. Drip warm candle wax on you lover's most sensitive areas (candles save on utility bills too)
31. Learn a love song and sing it to your lover at a Karaoke bar in public... especially if you cant sing.
32. Flash your lover in an elevator - or an escallator for you brave ones
33. Stroke your lover's genitals under the table at a restaurant
34. Brush up against your lover in very sexy ways in public
35. Give your lover an obscene phone call at their place of work. Be really nasty and make them have to act like nothing is happening.
36. Join the Mile High club and have sex with your lover on a plane
37. Have conversations with your lover's body parts personified
38. Wake your lover up from a sound sleep with oral sex
39. Bring home a "friend" for your lover.. and fulfill their fantasy
40. Watch your lover flirt with others at a party and go home and ravage them
41. Look at the pictures together from an erotic coffee table book
42. Fire up the VCR and make your own private porno film
43. Have a naked picnic in bed (watch out for the crumbs)
44. Have a treasure hunt around the house with sexy notes and clues... finally leading to the treasure... your genitals.
45. Praise your lover's prowess in front of their friends
46. Tease your lover by grabbing her hair in the mall and saying fiercely I am going to make love to you with no mercy tonight
47. Masturbate in front of your lover (watch them intently)
48. Model new lingerie or underwear in your own private fashion show
49. Kidnap your lover and hold them for ransom. Make sure your hide out is the Ritz Carlton.
50. Buy your lover a lap dance at a strip club or go sans-panties and flash the strippers.

Zachary Disease

A man walks into Dr. Wang’s office and says, "Doc I've got a problem."

Dr. Wang interrupts at that moment, and says......"Don't say nother word. I know what's wong with you."

The man looks very puzzled and amazed.

Dr. Wang says, "You got Zachary Disease."

The man ask the Dr. what on earth is that!

To that the Dr. replies....."You breath smells Zachary like your a**."

Medical Benefits Of Breast Watching

This came from the New England Journal of Medicine, so men take heart, and ladies - don't look at us like we're scum when you catch us. We're only doing it for our health.

Great news for girl watchers: Ogling over women's breasts is good for a man's health and can add years to his life, medical experts have discovered. According to the New England Journal of Medicine, "Just 10 minutes of staring at the charms of a female is roughly equivalent to a 30-minute aerobics work- out" declared gerontologist Dr. Karen Weatherby.

Dr. Weatherby and fellow researchers at three hospitals in Frankfurt, Germany, reached the startling conclusion after comparing the health of 200 male outpatients - half of whom were instructed to look at busty females daily, the other half told to refrain from doing so. The study revealed that after five years, the chest-watchers had lower blood pressure, slower resting pulse rates and fewer instances of coronary artery disease. "Sexual excitement gets the heart pumping and improves blood circulation," explains Dr. Weatherby.

"There's no question: Gazing at breasts makes men healthier."

"Our study indicates that engaging in this activity a few minutes daily cuts the risk of stroke and heart attack in half. We believe that by doing so consistently, the average man can extend his life four or five years."

LOL that's hilarious...wow

i'm very bored

Hair Smells Nice

A man walks up to a woman in his office each day, stands very close to her, draws in a large breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.

After a week of this, she can't stand it any longer, and goes to Human Resources.

Without identifying the guy, she tells them what the co-worker does, and that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit against him.

The HR supervisor is puzzled by this approach, and asks, "What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?

The woman replies, "It's Keith, the midget."

Life Explained

Just in case you were wondering:

On the first day God created the cow. God said, "You must go to field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer. I will give you a life span of sixty years." The cow said, "That's a kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. Let me have twenty years and I'll give back the other forty." And God agreed.

On the second day, God created the dog. God said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. I will give you a life span of twenty years." The dog said, "That's too long to be barking. Give me ten years and I'll give back the other ten." So God agreed (sigh).

On the third day God created the monkey. God said, entertain people, do monkey tricks, make them laugh. I'll give you a twenty year life span." Monkey said, "How boring, monkey tricks for twenty years? I don't think so. Dog gave you back ten, so that's what I'll do too, okay?" And God agreed again.

On the fourth day God created man. God said, "Eat, sleep, play, have sex, enjoy. Do nothing, just enjoy, enjoy. I'll give you twenty years." Man said, "What? Only twenty years? No way man. Tell you what, I'll take my twenty, and the forty the cow gave back, and the ten the dog gave back and the ten the monkey gave back. That makes eighty, okay?" "Okay," said God. "You've got a deal."

So that is why for the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, have sex enjoy, and do nothing; For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family; For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain our grandchildren; And for the last ten years we sit in front of the house and bark at everybody.

Life has now been explained.