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Pure Acid Dreamer Captain
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 Posted: Tue Dec 10, 2024 6:23 am
  
While his logic wasn’t exactly sound, Samuel knew a thing or two when it came to a mental struggle. Assuming that was what this was. He didn’t want to force Micha to talk, but he also didn’t know how he could help him if he stayed silent. They joked plenty of times in the past so he didn’t get why this was any different. As Micha responded, Samuel felt even more confused. He questioned him in return to try to get him to explain a little more. He watched as Micha glanced his way and sighed. He then was given a brief comment, and nothing more. Samuel was quiet a moment. Self conscious was that really all this was? He wondered. ”And now? Is that why you’re covering yourself head to toe and stretched halfway across the bed?” he continued.
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Posted: Tue Dec 10, 2024 5:43 pm
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xDarkWinterx Vice Captain
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Pure Acid Dreamer Captain
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Posted: Tue Dec 10, 2024 7:17 pm
Samuel could hardly complain about another persons' logic being sound when his own was often chaotic and looped in such a way that no other sane person could possibly understand it. There was much left unsaid when it came to his own moments of a mental crisis and he wasn't sure how to talk about them. He worried that by sharing them with Micha, it would only be an unwanted burden on him. As they lay there, Samuel questioned him again. He couldn't help being a bit dramatic as he described the distance between them. In truth, he was not very far, but emotionally it felt as though there might as well have been a sea between them. Samuel watched Micha curiously as he seemed to drift even further from him as he spoke softly. He hated seeing like this, he hadn't meant to sound as though he were judging him. He just wanted answers. Shifting on the bed, he wanted to pull him closer but was unsure if he ought to. "What can I do?" he asked. As if there would be such an easy solution.
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Posted: Wed Dec 11, 2024 6:45 am
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xDarkWinterx Vice Captain
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Pure Acid Dreamer Captain
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Posted: Wed Dec 11, 2024 8:44 am
Samuel eventually he would need to be more open with Micha. It was unfair of him to ask Micha to open with him, while not showing the same courtesy. The only problem was that he wasn’t sure where to start. Past panic attacks often felt like coming out of some bad dream. And the more time that passed by, the harder it was to recall what set him off in the first place. He worried that such an answer would sound more like an excuse to avoid talking.
Laying there, they continued to talk. He asked what more he could do and watched as Micha shrugged before speaking. It seemed like an easy enough solution. Though a part of him wanted to joke that being himself is what landed them here. ”I can do that.” he said instead. Shifting on the bed, he dared to be nearer to Micha. If the male was uncomfortable with his closeness, he could simply tell him. Until then, Samuel had no plans of moving. He didn’t like the space that lay between them. Not only that but Samuel wanted to try and bring him some comfort. Reaching out, he wrapped his arms around Micha’s waist and pulled him closer.
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Posted: Sat Dec 14, 2024 10:12 pm
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xDarkWinterx Vice Captain
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Pure Acid Dreamer Captain
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Posted: Sat Dec 14, 2024 11:28 pm
The thought of talking more about their separation was daunting one. Though he knew deep down that it was needed. With so much that had been left unsaid and wounds that were clearly still open, he wasn't sure how they could proceed without talking. It was likely that they going to keep having these same issues, and run into old problems. Samuel didn't know everything about Micha's time in Germany, just that it was unpleasant. He couldn't say for certain how he might respond to learn that Micha had almost taken his life. It was already hard enough to have learned that he had been unhappy and drank a lot in that time. But hard or not, a conversation was needed. It had already been more than a few days since Micha came back, delaying would only make things harder for them both.
As they talked, Samuel held back from making a bad joke. He didn't need, nor want, Micha getting upset with him again. So he simply accepted his words as they were and moved to wrap his arms around him. He agreed that it was a little silly to need comfort for something such as this, but he could see that it was needed all the same. Pulling the male closer, he listened to his sigh as Micha buried his head against his chest. Holding on to him, he felt Micha's own arms wrap around him. Tilting his head slightly, he pressed a soft kiss to Micha's forehead. Samuel then closed his eyes as he willed himself to relax, breathing in the warm scent of soap on the males' skin.
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Posted: Sun Dec 15, 2024 12:13 am
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xDarkWinterx Vice Captain
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Pure Acid Dreamer Captain
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Posted: Sun Dec 15, 2024 1:24 am
Samuel was not looking for an argument either. However, if that's what it came to he supposed it couldn't be helped. If he ended up feeling like s**t after a talk, he would have no one to blame but himself. As it would likely only be a reminder of his own stupid actions. Holding on to Micha, Samuel gave him a soft kiss before settling back down beside. He soon relaxed as he laid there, breathing in his scent. Samuel was sure his own scent was something to be desired. He knew the smell of chemicals still clung to him and eventually he would need a wash. It could wait. Silence soon washed over them and Samuel was at a loss at what to say next. He didn't want to ruin the moment just yet. But by continuing to stay silent it would mean brushing the issues aside once more.
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Posted: Sun Dec 15, 2024 2:28 am
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xDarkWinterx Vice Captain
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Pure Acid Dreamer Captain
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Posted: Sun Dec 15, 2024 3:29 am
Samuel could easily allow Micha to take the blame were they in an average home with minimal options. But no, in all honestly, Samuel had options. Many options. Aside from the shower in the pool room, he also had nine other bathrooms - four being guests, and the others belonging to family members, and an outdoor shower to choose from. Him choosing to stay in bed without a shower was just him being childish and petty.
As they laid there, the silence grew and the minutes marched on. Samuel knew that something needed to be said, but was unsure of where to begin. It was true that normally they would just kiss their problems away. Such an act likely would not be so helpful this time around. As another minute passed, he sighed softly to himself, and opened his eyes. "Is there something else I should know about?" he asked gently. Samuel tried his best not to sound accusatory. He was simply curious to know if this whole thing stopped at just being self-conscious, or if he should be worried that there might be more he was unaware of.
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Posted: Mon Dec 16, 2024 6:31 am
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xDarkWinterx Vice Captain
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Pure Acid Dreamer Captain
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Posted: Mon Dec 16, 2024 11:31 am
Samuel could have easily left things alone. He could have let them stay as they were and pretended that was all was well in the world. If not his own pesky thoughts. Instead, his own mind was abuzz as well. He thought about starting a conversation but was unsure of where they to begin or how far he needed to go back. There were so many understandings similar to this one that he was unsure. Which one was the offending domino that started it all and where did they fail to stop the rest from going down with it. If he had to pick just one, his thoughts would likely align with Micha's own and go back to that night in Paris. As much as he disliked to recall that night, there was much that didn't get talked about. Not only that, but they probably could have been handled some things better, and in general, likely needed to be re-examine some of that nights' event.
Lying there, he soon questioned Micha. He watched as the male pulled back and turned his gaze upon him. Looking him over he was curious to know what the man might be thinking. Would he actually answer him or simply avoid the question altogether. Samuel hoped he would not avoid him, but at the same time he couldn't force him to talk about something he had no interest in discussing. A few moments pass before Micha said anything. When he did speak, he was amused to find the question pushed back on to him. Samuel was not about to back down from the challenge. If this is what it took for them to have an actual conversation, then so be it. "What do you want to know?" he asked sincerely.
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Posted: Mon Dec 16, 2024 10:43 pm
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xDarkWinterx Vice Captain
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Pure Acid Dreamer Captain
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Posted: Tue Dec 17, 2024 12:18 am
Samuel knew that Micha had been trying to avoid talking. But that was all they did, avoid their problems and try to ******** their problems away. He loved Micha, he loved ******** Micha, but even Samuel was starting to see the flaws in doing that. He wanted them to be able to talk and work things out normally. At this rate it was never going to happen. As Micha turned the question back on him, he considered backing out of it. Instead, he decided to challenge him. If Micha wanted him to talk, he would talk. He just hoped he would not hate him for what he had to say.
He watched as the male shifted, pulling away from him, and turning his head to look at him. Samuel stayed on his side and folded his arms to support his head. It came as no surprise that Micha's first question would be about his panic attacks. However, he wasn't sure how to answer. Was he really that changed to Micha in just one year? "Before I answer that, be more specific. Different how? Different like you think they're better than before, or you think I need medication?" he asked, wanting to clarify. Samuel wasn't looking for a way out of answering, he just didn't want to accidentally end up on one of his long-winded tangents and over explain his own history.
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