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Aria Di Blasfemia Eterna Vice Captain
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 Posted: Sat Jul 10, 2010 11:25 pm
actually my parents kicked me off the computer really early yesterday, and i havn't been allowed on until now. i was going to read it if activity was slow tonight. *is really sorry*
(da says cannot find server....i am starting to get pissed at our isp....really really pissed. i will keep trying.)
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Posted: Sat Jul 10, 2010 11:31 pm
AriaofRevelations actually my parents kicked me off the computer really early yesterday, and i havn't been allowed on until now. i was going to read it if activity was slow tonight. *is really sorry* (da says cannot find server....i am starting to get pissed at our isp....really really pissed. i will keep trying.) I can understand your aggravation towards it. And no worries, its not like im rushing you or anything. LOL. So how are things on your end???
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Aria Di Blasfemia Eterna Vice Captain
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Posted: Sat Jul 10, 2010 11:40 pm
had to cycle my modem. things look like they're working.n is it just ch. 1 re-done so far?
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Posted: Sat Jul 10, 2010 11:41 pm
What is with the question mark at the end of your second sentence?
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Aria Di Blasfemia Eterna Vice Captain
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Posted: Sat Jul 10, 2010 11:48 pm
i had to see id DA was working before changing it to a period. the one after ch.1 was because i meant it as a question...but i believe i know the answer now and it's not too important. i like the prologue so far.
"Look. I don't really care what the hell you think^./!^ We do what the hell we want to do, and that is all there is to say." just a note. though i am deeply impressed so far. (ignore the note if he was speaking very quickly compared to normal standards)
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Posted: Sat Jul 10, 2010 11:50 pm
AriaofRevelations i had to see id DA was working before changing it to a period. the one after ch.1 was because i meant it as a question...but i believe i know the answer now and it's not too important. i like the prologue so far. "Look. I don't really care what the hell you think^./!^ We do what the hell we want to do, and that is all there is to say." just a note. though i am deeply impressed so far. (ignore the note if he was speaking very quickly compared to normal standards)Whered this come from sweatdrop
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Aria Di Blasfemia Eterna Vice Captain
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Posted: Sat Jul 10, 2010 11:51 pm
the line is after the prologue i believe. ctrl +f can find it. sorry.
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Posted: Sat Jul 10, 2010 11:53 pm
AriaofRevelations the line is after the prologue i believe. ctrl +f can find it. sorry. Oh. Yeah. Sometimes periods somehow vanish during copy and paste >.> So yeah. Heh heh. Thats funny.
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Aria Di Blasfemia Eterna Vice Captain
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Posted: Sat Jul 10, 2010 11:54 pm
lol. i see. it's the only one i've seen so far, i am getting more impressed as i read.
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Posted: Sat Jul 10, 2010 11:55 pm
Yeah. Thank god it only does it to like 2 or 3 on average or else ID BE PISSED scream scream scream scream scream
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Aria Di Blasfemia Eterna Vice Captain
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Posted: Sun Jul 11, 2010 12:04 am
Are you actually expecting to run across something in the woods since you are wanting everyone to be equipped and ready for a fight."
a ? after woods? idk. it seems fast. (tell me if you want me to stop. i'm just trying to be helpful.)
Some people have already began selling little items from their stands^;^ ranging from beautiful arts and crafts, to expertly designed weapons.
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Posted: Sun Jul 11, 2010 12:08 am
No no no. Tell me anything you want. I like suggestions. Anyways. The Old World forces are known to travel the woods as well as bandits. That is why they equipped themselves. You can never be too cautious.
Just keep reading and keep feeding me feedback
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Aria Di Blasfemia Eterna Vice Captain
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Posted: Sun Jul 11, 2010 12:09 am
you wrote it well enough that i think it's easy to follow. i'm just pointing out petty punctuation things.
The range and variety of the things in the town square is just magnificent and dazzling.
i make that recommendation because it's a narration. just is more of a habit for speaking/thinking, but since it's not an actual characters thoughts, it looks a little more professional without it.
- - - - - ^_^ - - - - - i love this. you should keep it in the book and find a way to make it look sad during the suspenseful parts razz
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Posted: Sun Jul 11, 2010 12:11 am
That last part on your last post. The one you edited in about the stands. Is that a suggestion to add into the story?
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Aria Di Blasfemia Eterna Vice Captain
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Posted: Sun Jul 11, 2010 12:18 am
it's unrealistic according to his powers for him to be affected like that. it puts Baksuetai's blood bender above koriinu. the power was given to discourage any manipulation powers. it should at least do what i intended it to. besides, ever since i made her susan sat worthless and unused even to me. i made her so she could be intigral in fighting something like memic (her inspiration)- enough so that one person should be an even match for him (not taking into account his guardian sadly...i forgot about that). i am just sad to see susan so....idk. pathetic compared to how much i had to wait for this moment. it is....rather disappointing. susan cannot fight. she is sapped of most of her strength...and adam is still being treated like he's equal to a normal character.... it makes all that sacrifice worthless if adam has no apparent boon for his curse. the anticipation of that long wait with susan plugging my character slot is as becoming annoyingly not worth my time.
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