Welcome to Gaia! ::

"oh well, I meant what was on your mind, what could have driven you to do something like that?"

I chose to joke a little "So I'm that ugly huh?" I said with a giggle.

That logic made no sense to me "If you love me so much then why would you hurt yourself, you know it hurts me when my friends are wounded." I said gently looking down at Cloud as I finished cleaning up the blood. "Cloud. . .I care about you more than most and I never wish to see you harmed. Especially not by your own hand." my voice dropped in sadness at the thought I was the reason he hurt himself. i bent down and lightly kissed him "I care about you, remember that." I spoke softly.

With all the blood cleaned up I placed the bowl aside and laid next to Cloud hugging him. When I finally spoke it was soft and slow "Cloud. I love you, you now know that. . . But I am a fighter a warrior, not a hero I'm a destroyer. . .I simply can't be in deep relationship it is the opposite of everything I believe in. . ." I trailed off wondering how he would react.

I held Cloud tighter and whispered in chocked sobs "Cloud you do not understand, it is a mind set. It has bin grilled into my brain. I honestly can not be in a relationship, to a warrior like myself such frivolous feelings are disgusting." I was silent and cried slightly before choosing my next words Maybe this is the time, I never wanted to but now I must. . . I started to speak again this time using all I could to try to get Cloud to understand "I know I've never spoken of my past." I started out "I hoped I never had to .. . the ones I descend from are meant to be heartless fighters. Since I was young I was told such things as a relationship are not possible, that they are considered a weakness and will ultimately mean death. . . I have had this grilled into my brain from a young age Cloud this is what I truly believe, even though I do not believe the death part, I understand what it meant. Any such distraction could kill one in battle." I kept quiet for a long moment then finished "Cloud I truly love you I just for such reasons know I can not be in a relationship."

I had no words to respond my thoughts I spoke unable to think "Is that not what immortality is for. . .not dieing? I thought . . by doing that I had broken the cycle. . . ." I was there in sobs I knew this was going to continue until one of us caved and I had no more excuses, all i knew was "I am unable to change, not at the moment anyway maybe with time but not now. . ." I said trailing off, the best surrender I could manage.

I moved from Cloud and realized we haven't eaten all day. I went down stairs to grab a tray of food and brought it up to him. I nudged him a little to wake him up. "Hey." I said meekly "You should eat something. . .here I grabbed some from down stairs. Eat up."