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Romeo for Tay Vice Captain
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 Posted: Thu Aug 09, 2007 6:52 pm
Alright then Ashlay! Back to work, finally! mrgreen
That's great that you made it into two. Now, with the last paragraphs, I want to see if you can, by adding history and more details, make them just the slightest bit longer and we'll move on with more. =D
And Jarrett... I'm not quite sure what you mean just yet.
You mean you have an issue with writing too much action and not description? I think that's what you meant. ^^
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Posted: Fri Aug 10, 2007 2:07 am
With the Wings of an Angel...
Jarett* and yea, I think I write a lot but I still get to the point to quick.
...And The Horns of a Devil
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Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 11:02 am
Username: Bandit Bunny
Alias: Kiya
What sort of things do you lack in: I dont really know what I lack in, hince the reason for me going to classes
What would you like to work on: Anything that i need to
How would this work best for you?: How ever you suggest
Will this process improve you?: I hope so
Other: My RPC name is Aria just to let ya know
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Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 1:41 pm
Ahh, sorry Jarett. Okay then... I'll have an edit thing on the example you gay me in just a sec and we'll go form there. ^^
And Kiya! Glad you could join. Before we see what you need to work on, I need to see an example of your rping. ^^
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Romeo for Tay Vice Captain
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Romeo for Tay Vice Captain
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Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 1:52 pm
Quote: Under a silver moon, a dark silhouette emerges from behind an large black willow tree. Its long, narrow, yellow-green shining leaves reflect the moonlight well and illuminate the canopy of the tree's above. He dredges through the thick spring undergrowth made up of dense ivy's that hook and tangle themselves on his lanky legs. <---Okay, let's start here then. When you're just merely describing little background, it does help the fact of how you may get to the point too quickly. Here, you may want to add a little bit more of description. How I stop myself from getting to the point too quickly is by giving a lot of background description on what the topic is; in this case, the figure moving through the trees. Maybe you want to add little things about the place he's moving in, like old history or things that live in it? or why their is so many leaves and all? If you barely start with little history, setting, or anything else on a character or setting in the beginning, it's kind of setting you up and away from the point." Ga'damnit, These damn vines. " he says angrily to himself in discontent. He walks out slowly through the thicket into a clearing in the condensed roof of tree's above him. The bright full moon shines down to light this figure up. From head to toe he dawns; slightly off center he has a black musketeer hat with a long white feather pierced through the left side upon his head, a black vest with a crest threaded into it's fabric on his chest with a long worn black cape trimmed in white thread around his shoulders, black tights trimmed in white as well cover his lower half held up by a belt with a beautifully engraved buckle bearing the crest of the lion, his feet sport pointed toe black leather boots threaded with white. <--- This is actually perfect and in place. You definitely want to go from setting/history/past and background to the character themselves and what they may really be doing, or expaining the purpose. Actually, you may want to do that for this post; to give more reason to his purpose instead of just his personality, like how it all fits in.He garnishes a Estramacon that is masterfully engraved in the crest of the lion. His pale white hand rests upon the hilt which is a lions head. The man stops to look up at the stars, from under his hat his pale skin and deep blue eyes appear, despite his disdain for the conditions he is currently in he wears a sparkling smirk. After a short stare into the sky he obtains his position and continues on through the woods. After a short trek through the thicket he emerges from the forest to see a homely farmhouse set upon a knoll that over looks terrace after terrace of grain and other various plants. <--- I don't ever really think it's a good idea to have two posts explain every little detail of the character. It gets the story sidetracked and everything. xD Now, you could also now explain more about the farmhouse: maybe people who live here, the sorts of things that go on there, what really waits for him there. Gives more than just his appearance." Ah, Finally I am back. " he says with a bit of glee. He begins walking up towards the home, climbs up a rock wall divider and goes of site. >--- And I think you did wel on ending it. ^__^ ---<Alright! So, as for setting up, by starting and ending your posts, here's a little thing you could mix around, but what may be nescasary in you posts: Beginning: Either start with History/past of the setting, lots of detail in background and setting, or what a character may be doing with purpose in the setting. Body: Continue i a sequence; allow yourself to use more dialogue and actions in the body of your paragraph, but also interacting with other characters, setting features, and maybe even some purpose of history. End: Conclude what the character is doing, or give a new oppurtunity for what the chaacter is going to do. Or even end with setting, background, or something creative that may revolve around the story. You could mix up a lot of things within an rp post, as long as they make sense. Now I want you to re-write your rp post, trying to make a little changes. ^__^
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Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 2:01 pm
A woman of her early twenties walks through the treetop town dressed all in black with a red cape to cover the tatto that went over her left shoulder. Her golden eyes looking from left to right from under the hood that hid her face. It was finally time to come back to this place, the Inn should be near... she thought silently to herself and just as she had thought it, it appeared infront of her. Taking in a breath Aria looks up the long spiral stair case, her eyes glinting in the slight sun seeping through the foilage.
Slowly she walks up the spiral case, her thoughts running this way and that, remembering how everyone did look and how they might think she being different due to the ink and change of color in hair and eyes. Her eyes were once a blue....like that girl Ailsin, such pretty eyes and face that girl had, but she always kept to herself......along with Raistlin, he had potential, she could tell with the visions she had as a child. She wondered in her friends were the same or different, her visions seemed like dreams to her and so she treated them as such.
But now coming out of her thoughts she sees herself infront of those double doors of so long ago. She had made a promise and that promise she ment to keep. Placing a hand on the handle she closes her eyes and places a hand to her head, pictures running through her mind, suddenly she let go of the handle backing up but she had backed up to far and ended up hitting the railing and almost falling over it she stops just short.
Regaining her composure she tenderly takes hold of the door handle once more and opens it gently and slips into the Inn of the last day. Seeing a few had already gathered she didnt want to make her presance known just yet, so making her way to the bar she sits down, her leather boots clicking on the wooden planks. The dark redish color of a cape that was hidding her face from others gently flowed behind her as she walked and when she sat down it hung around her, hiding her skin and cloathing.
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Romeo for Tay Vice Captain
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Posted: Sun Aug 12, 2007 1:17 am
So Kiya... you're not sure what you lack in, hm... well you're a wonderful writer... and your post, well, it was actually darned good, stating things as it went along. But, I'm not quite sure what you want me to help you on... but here, I'll try. If it doesn't clear to you in the missing part, we'll try again. ^_^ Quote: A woman of her early twenties walks through the treetop town dressed all in black with a red cape to cover the tatto that went over her left shoulder. Her golden eyes looking from left to right from under the hood that hid her face. It was finally time to come back to this place, the Inn should be near... she thought silently to herself and just as she had thought it, it appeared infront of her. Taking in a breath Aria looks up the long spiral stair case, her eyes glinting in the slight sun seeping through the foilage. --->Here, I understand where the character is going, giving slight purpose to her actions. But.. instead of merely giving a lot of action, I think you should explain the setting a bit more; maybe even the character herself, to give a better view of the start of your post and character in all.Slowly she walks up the spiral case, her thoughts running this way and that, remembering how everyone did look and how they might think she being different due to the ink and change of color in hair and eyes. Her eyes were once a blue....like that girl Ailsin, such pretty eyes and face that girl had, but she always kept to herself......along with Raistlin, he had potential, she could tell with the visions she had as a child. She wondered in her friends were the same or different, her visions seemed like dreams to her and so she treated them as such. ---> Here I'm just slightly confused; you're describing these other characters, and her slight ability, but maybe you want to go in more depth with it. Like, maybe her relationship with these people and why she wants to see them; maybe more setting on how she saw them before?But now coming out of her thoughts she sees herself infront of those double doors of so long ago. She had made a promise and that promise she ment to keep. Placing a hand on the handle she closes her eyes and places a hand to her head, pictures running through her mind, suddenly she let go of the handle backing up but she had backed up to far and ended up hitting the railing and almost falling over it she stops just short. --->Why is she so destined to keep that promise? I think I'm starting to see the missing part in your writing as I re-read it. ^_^ You have a lot of actions going on, with little or more setting, of the character herself, or even history about her. What I mean is, giving more character and personality to.. your character! =D I can see that she's going here, but what about inner feelings? Is she nervous about going back? Is she excited? Explain such feelings within her; give her more personality. =DRegaining her composure she tenderly takes hold of the door handle once more and opens it gently and slips into the Inn of the last day. Seeing a few had already gathered she didnt want to make her presance known just yet, so making her way to the bar she sits down, her leather boots clicking on the wooden planks. The dark redish color of a cape that was hidding her face from others gently flowed behind her as she walked and when she sat down it hung around her, hiding her skin and cloathing. ---> Backing into the character and people/setting around her; why does she want to hide herself? Is it because of inner feelings? Who are the people inside that she hasn't shown herself to yet? You don't have to write these things, but maybe along the lines of? =Dhehe, nevermind what I said then! I think I'm understanding now the missing part in what you think you lack. Kiya, I think you get to the point too quickly, without getting too much into your character and setting. Don't worry; having a lot of action is always a great quality, but you sort of have to balance everything to get more feeling into it. ^_^ So then... When starting a rp post, generally get right into the setting, or pair it up with something... like.. a character in the setting around her, taking action, but getting into detail on why such events were happening. Continue in that sequence, and then have more description and emotion on the characters complete side of it. Or you could start off slowly, giving detail of the character and setting, then moving on to dialogue and action and giving an ending of setting and history. You can mix up all of these things into one to make it mold and be purely complete; it's your choice on how ou balance it, though. ^_^ Alright, I want to see you rewrite it with the molding process then, or just make the edits. We'll go from there then! =D
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Posted: Mon Aug 13, 2007 4:00 am
With the Wings of an Angel...
Under a silver moon, a dark silhouette emerges from behind a large black willow tree. Its long, narrow, yellow-green shining leaves reflect the moonlight well and illuminate the canopy of the tree's above. He dredges through the thick spring undergrowth made up of lengthy vines and rotting foliage, the leaves of the previous fall blanket the entire forest. It is well known that these forest harbor many forms of life, some harmless, and others vicious in nature, these woods are the home of the largest man eating plant, the Desiri plant which is known to grow twenty feet tall and can entangle and devour a man whole in a matter of seconds.
" Goddamnit, These damn vines. " he says angrily to himself in discontent.
He walks out slowly through the thicket into a clearing in the condensed roof of tree's above him. The bright full moon shines down to light this figure up. From head to toe he dawns; slightly off center he has a black musketeer hat with a long white feather pierced through the left side upon his head, a black vest with a crest threaded into it's fabric on his chest with a long worn black cape trimmed in white thread around his shoulders, black tights trimmed in white as well cover his lower half held up by a belt with a beautifully engraved buckle bearing the crest of the lion, his feet sport pointed toe black leather boots threaded with white. He garnishes Estramaconon that is masterfully engraved in the crest of the lion. His pale white hand rests upon the hilt which is a lions head.
The man stops to look up at the stars, from under his hat his pale skin and deep blue eyes appear, despite his disdain for the conditions he is currently in he wears a sparkling smirk. After a short stare into the sky he obtains his position and continues on through the woods. After a short trek through the thicket he emerges from the forest to see a homely log farmhouse that is rather large, being that it is a farmhouse. A pillar of smoke rises from the chimney and a warm glow emits from the windows, a women with long brown hair passes in front of the window carrying a wicker basket. As the man sees her cross in front of the window he smiles wide from ear to ear.
" Ah, Finally I am home. " he says with a bit of glee.
He begins walking up towards the home, climbs up a rock wall divider and goes of site.
I wanna keep working on my Rp Composition. Mainly so I can stay on par with some of the members of this guild.
...And The Horns of a Devil
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Romeo for Tay Vice Captain
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Posted: Tue Aug 14, 2007 3:10 pm
That was great! Good job. =3
Hmm... what do you mean by RP composition? Like rping lengthly and continually?
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Posted: Fri Aug 17, 2007 1:40 pm
Username:Storm17
Alias:Storm or Stormy
What sort of things do you lack in:depth, but I don't know where I lack or overdo.
What would you like to work on:Anything
How would this work best for you?:I guess to have some sort of situation or thing to write about.
Will this process improve you?:Yes
Other:Nothing I can think of
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Romeo for Tay Vice Captain
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Posted: Fri Aug 17, 2007 5:58 pm
Allo there, Stormy! =D
Alright then. Before we do anything, I need to see an example of your writing, so we can work from there. =3
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Posted: Fri Aug 17, 2007 7:43 pm
Don't waste your time with politics...
In This situation I mean, That I Add more description to somethings, and don't give much detail to other things I say. I need to find a way to give an equal balanced amount of information for everything. Btw I'm loving that New Avi wink
...Just chase skirts instead
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Posted: Fri Aug 17, 2007 7:49 pm
Xx_In Love and Lonely_xX
After her eyes drank in the walls, they moved to the table, which was just as elegant as she'd wanted it to be. Made of a hardwood, stained and polished to perfection, a design carved delecately into the edges of the wood that she could not quite make out from where she stood. The chairs, high-backed, straight, made of the same darkwood, looked rather uncomfortable in her opinion.
The floor was next, as her eyes wandered down the leg of one of the chairs. A crimson carpet surrounded the perimeter of the table, and flowed seemlessly into the polished marble of the floor....scorching the blood in my vampre heart
After her eyes drank in the walls, they moved to the table, which was just as elegant as she'd wanted it to be. It was made of a hardwood, probably oak, stained and polished to a perfect shine, and an intricate design carved along the perimeter that must have taken hours, possibly even days to complete. So many little spiral vines tracing along, causing her eyes to widen slightly with the thought of the work. The chairs were made of the same hardwood, and were high-backed. She couldn't count how many exactly where there, only that it would seat a very large party. Se thought that the high-backed chair was rather uncomfortable-looking, but she was still more excited than ever at being invited to such a place.
The floor was next as her eyes traveled down the leg of a chair. A crimson carpet sat along the edge of the table, and flowed seamlessly into the marble carpet. She wondered how this was possible, though, for the marble was white and black, the carpet red. She shook her head, knowing that such thoughts inside this place would be frowned upon, especially since a woman was having them....when all fears came around and consumed me...
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Posted: Sat Aug 18, 2007 7:00 am
Romeo for Tay Allo there, Stormy! =D Alright then. Before we do anything, I need to see an example of your writing, so we can work from there. =3
Ok I'll get you something soon!
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