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| Woo! Which would be sweeter? |
| Donkey |
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47% |
[ 8 ] |
| Megalodon |
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41% |
[ 7 ] |
| Something else (post in thread thnx) |
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11% |
[ 2 ] |
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| Total Votes : 17 |
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 Posted: Mon Jan 22, 2007 2:39 pm
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Posted: Sat Feb 03, 2007 12:20 am
Hooray! Did some much needed updates, corrections, and clarifications.
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Posted: Fri Feb 16, 2007 10:42 am
What's this? A new mule? ninja
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Posted: Sun Feb 18, 2007 9:49 pm
I'm gonna have to bookmark this one, since its a definate "Return to" quest. XD I adore the transcript from his radio show, especially.
In fact, if you want, we can do a quest link trade, if your willing.
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Posted: Sun Mar 04, 2007 12:22 am
Prepare to die Gin. twisted
Actually, no. No need to prepare your grave yet, seeing as you're character is absolutely fantastic. He's a pretty well rounded character, definitely different from what I've seen in other threads. He's far, far away from perfect and there's a lot of room for work and progress with him. I really enjoyed the transcript and your writing sample. (Was that for a contest? I vaguely remember reading it somewhere else...anyways, that was off topic.) They really show some of his character. I can tell you put a lot of thought into creating him and you've covered most of the basics.
However, its not perfect. (Of course. If it was perfect, then I wouldn't be typing this, now would I?)
As you can hopefully tell by the first paragraph, there aren't any major, thread-threatening issues here. The one thing that is kind of strange is that in his history, Alan doesn't really have any religious background from when he was little. Now, hypothetically speaking, there must be some people out there who weren't exposed to religion at all when they were children but still turned out as religious fanatics. But it seems to make more sense to have someone who turns into an ultra-religious person would have some kind of religious teachings when he was little.
Like if his family attended church, or if he went to a catholic school or something.
I do agree with Bress' point about the wife. You said that Alan's father-in-law was very conservative. I'm assuming that because of this, Helen was raised with those view points? And if that was the case, she would never even consider a divorce? That's what I'm assuming, but seeing as I don't really have a standing point from a conservative point of view, I could definitely be wrong.
And then your history. Alan's relationship with his sister seems to be something very important to who he is, but you don't really expand on their childhood, instead focusing on his older years (not that that's bad, I'm just saying.) I feel that maybe you should expand his childhood a bit more and delve deeper into their (Alan and Rebecca's) relationship. Reading your christmas entry and bits of your history, I gather the feeling that the two were very close at one point, but the fact that Rebecca was a lesbian split them apart?
The very last and minor thing is the last bit in Alan's personality info were you state that that his ideal dream was to live the "American way of Life" with a perfect little house, perfect little children, etc. The only problem that I see with that is that Alan comes off as too busy, too absorbed in trying to get his opinions across to people to be able to think about family life. He's seems to be that kind of guy who thinks he wants to be a family man and thinks that that's what he wants but in truth, he knows deep down that having a family just isn't high enough on his priority list so he makes excuses and whatnot until the end of his life, and even then he won't have a family.
I dunno, that's what I think but hey, he's your character. wink
So, all in all, excellent character, I'm really just picking at all of these things. Even without changing any of the things, your thread would definitely past the acceptability test of acceptable quest threads.
So, I hoped this helped at least a little bit!
~A.P
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Posted: Sat Mar 10, 2007 12:28 am
Thanks for the critique! heart Sorry it took so long to get back to you, busy week. And yes, that story was an entry into one of the bottle-winning contests
I know, I know, I've been totally neglecting his childhood. XP Catholic School is an awesome idea, I think it will lay a great background for him...although he did have a little bit of a liberal streak in college...Hmmm.
Yes, the reason there is so much animosity is definitely her lesbianism, and the fact that Alan is so stubborn. Do you think I need to work that in more? That's really a big reason--Alan is too proud to say sorry.
Yeah, I am leaning more towards seperation, rather than divorce. But I can totally see an anullment coming through in the few months before he goes to the island.
The one thing I disagree with you over is the whole American dream thing...although I think I'm gonna work in some of your points. Ooo, maybe I can go for a misguided soul thing!
Thanks a lot!
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Posted: Mon Mar 19, 2007 6:41 pm
Introducing...an official alternate animal! Alternate Serum Pipe Dream THE MEGALODONOr...Ancient Shark of Giant Evil Doom!...in a suit. I'm gonna EET J00! Wait...what?That's right! A second idea that is just too awesome NOT to do! It would be a serum 65, with a hypothetical serum for size, the loyalty serum, and (very unlikly, essentially a pipe dream) a serum added later, after the loyalty serum has taken very effective hold, to allow salt water swimming. WTF is that thing???The megalodon, Carcharodon megalodon, was a giant prehistoric shark that probably lived between about 16 to 1.6 million years ago, but some maintain that they went extinct only 10,000 years ago. It is considered to be the largest predatory fish to have ever lived.
...giant prehistoric shark? gonk The best-educated estimates of this creature's maximum size range from 12 to 16 m (40 to 52 ft) (previous much larger reconstructions of the shark's size, up to about 30 m (100 ft), are now generally considered inaccurate).[2] From the size of this shark, its weight is estimated as high as 60 tons, though 20 to 30 tons was more likely. Assuming similar metabolic-weight ratios as the great white shark, it is estimated that a large megalodon would need to eat about one-fiftieth of its weight of food on average per day. From our knowledge of the food chain during megalodon's existence, it is generally believed that this shark's diet consisted mostly of whales, along with large fish and primitive pinnipeds and sirenians. ... gonk Shark fossils are extremely rare because sharks have no bones, only cartilage, which does not fossilize well. Their teeth, however, are very hard. Their teeth are made of a bone-like material coated with hard enamel and they fossilize very well. Megalodon teeth are similar to those of the Great White Shark, but are much bigger, thicker, and with finer serrrations. Megalodon's jaws could open 6 feet (1.8 m) wide and 7 feet (2.1 m) high. The jaws were loosely attached by ligaments and muscles to the skull, opening extremely wide in order to swallow enormous objects. It could easily swallow a large Great White Shark whole!
...but WHY????BECAUSE IT WOULD BE AWESOME THAT'S WHY!!! Also, Toshihiko and I were talking about the Megalodon for some reason, and how a giant nonmorphic shark would totally fit Alan's personality. Plus, the good doctors might be testing out an interesting side effect they found in Rachel's serum: growth. Before, islanders essentially stayed human-sized, but with Rachel and now Oz now growing much larger than their former human bodies, why not test it out on something that is FREAKING HUGE. And instead of something relatively harmless, like another whale or elephant or giant dinosaur, Moreau could recreate something to...keep the aquatics in line. Besides, rumors of a mega-shark near the island WOULD keep some pesky visitors away...another built in excuse. Maybe a few injections of the loyalty serum and something to let him tolerate the salt-water, and Alan could become a loyal aquatic watchdog. Information stolen from: http://www.enchantedlearning.com/subjects/sharks/glossary/Megalodon.shtmlhttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MegalodonAlso, I changed the poll. Here's the old one: What should I add or improve? More art references 25% [ 7 ] More about his history 0% [ 0 ] More about his professional career 0% [ 0 ] More about his family 7% [ 2 ] Something else 25% [ 7 ] No, you're good ^^ 42% [ 12 ] Total Votes : 28
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Posted: Mon Mar 19, 2007 7:12 pm
Personally, I love the idea of a Megalodon serum. I'm just curious as to how much he'd actually grow. Maybe we'll have to look at the resident whale for comparison...of course, that's a failed serum...soo...who knows?
But yeah! Definate props for the new serum!
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Posted: Mon Mar 19, 2007 8:54 pm
Hey, Gin, if you don't mind me asking...
Why the loyalty serum? And why would he swim in salt water? Wouldn't that just kinda...defeat the purpose of being trapped on an island?
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Posted: Mon Mar 19, 2007 9:46 pm
Well, what I was thinking is kind of an overdose of the loyalty serum... Essentially, he'd become a GIANT watchdog. If he has the loyalty serum and he is able to swim in saltwater, why would he leave? He would stay anyway, right? That's why it would be administered later on.
Besides, he's nonmorphic. If he were to escape, who would he tell? They would kill him first.
But really its because the lakes and streams would be a little restrictive for a whale-sized shark xd
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Posted: Wed Apr 25, 2007 12:50 pm
do a whaleshark serum if you can't get the extinct shark
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Posted: Wed Apr 25, 2007 2:47 pm
But whale sharks only eat plankton.
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Posted: Thu Apr 26, 2007 5:19 pm
Raur: Whale sharks, while also amazingly awesome, do not eat meat. XD Although it is something for me to think about... Martyk: See above. ^^ But you are right. Now that I've had a little more time to think about it, I'd probably drop the whole "loyalty serum + saltwater serum" thing if I decided to go with the Megalodon. (I'm still on the fence between the two animals, plus a whole menangerie of other animals that I think would be cool too. XD) Also: AMAZING MINDSEND ALANSHARK SKETCH! 8O
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Posted: Fri Apr 27, 2007 9:41 am
I donno, him turning into a donkey has kinda grown on me xd
Sharks are cool tho. Giant sharks even better.
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Posted: Fri Apr 27, 2007 1:04 pm
Same here, then again you could always try a whale shonkey if you just can't choose Har har.
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