Welcome to Gaia! ::

Kikue bowed again, and then she nodded. She wasn't sure if he remembered where he duplex was, although the note he had left proved otherwise. She approached the door, opening it, even though part of her said it might not be polite to go ahead. She started out into the heat, her nose wrinkling at the heavy air.

Kikue nodded her head dully, her ears crumpled against her head. The air was nothing short of disgusting. She headed for her duplex immediately, Miller's note still scrunched in one of her paws. Inside...inside...inside... She wanted to say something polite, like he didn't have to take her back, but her mind was bent on merely getting there first.

Kikue led the way back to her duplex. It wasn't too far, but it made her conscious again of how many people were on the Island so far. And how many more would come? Did they really have the facilities to accommodate a never-ending stream of subjects? Surely the Island could only be so big... But what about the people who were done their serums...would they kill them once they were done with them?

She shuddered, even in the heat. The thought made her skin crawl.

She tried to shake it off, and stood at her duplex door, fumbling with her key in her large paws. The door was always locked. She didn't trust to keep it open, especially when she was away...but even when she was inside. It wasn't safe.

Kikue was, in fact, grateful for his help, even though she often preferred to do things on her own. Her paws just weren't cooperating and she was getting frustrated -- something she rarely ever was. She placed the key into one of Miller's hands, stepping back a little so that he could get to the doorknob. She said nothing, simply because she did not want to acknowledge what she was doing -- or rather, not doing.

It had been a task to write by hand anymore, much less open her door. It was a revelation she was trying to ignore.

Kikue gave him a grateful smile, accepting the key back again. "Thank you," she said, although her voice was but above a whisper. She slipped inside, the cold blast of air like a refreshing breeze to her. Once her paws were inside, she took a deep breath, her nostrils flaring. Good. This was good.

Immediately, armed with the human part of her mind, she clamped down on the inevitable surge of instinct that someone was invading her territory by passing the threshold of her door. It was always like this, always fighting to even get people inside where she might be able to socialize with them.

Turning on her heel, she faced Miller, being very careful to keep control over her instincts...which were far from happy. She forced a fragile smile. "You're...you're welcome to stay...I was planning on taking a nap after visiting but...I could probably stay awake a while longer..." Kikue paused there, knowing she'd have to at least mention what was going on in her head at the same time. "Only...it's important to tell you that my animal is very territorial...which is why it is hard for me to invite people to my duplex...the cat part feels like it's being invaded upon...so I do my best to control that." All she stared at the floor while she said this, trying not to seem threatening ( as much as it was possible ).

Everything was so complicated.

Kikue stared. She felt awash with emotion again, something she had always been able to control, only to break down on this island and loser her grip. But this...she didn't know what to say. She was rooted to the spot, looking at Miller's unchanged face -- oh but it would change, soon, and that was an even more depressing thought -- but for right now, it was the same as before. And saying these things...

Tears welled up in her eyes. She couldn't stop herself. She wanted to be in control; she wanted to not let the cat take over when someone startled her into it. Like when she had changed...

She reached out, putting her now strong arms around him, hugging him. She stuffed her face in the crook of his neck and tried not to get too upset. Miller was nice. Nice like Nita. People like that made her resolve come back to her...made her think she could still do this.

He thinks I'm not a bad person, even after what I did during the change. I know I couldn't stop it...but that doesn't mean it was okay...

She was thankful that he had even the courage to say all of it to her, even if he didn't for some reason believe it. It sounded good. That was really all that mattered.

"Thank you...I'm sorry..."

That had just about done it. Kikue took one of her paws and placed it over her face, fairly breaking down sobbing at hearing those words. Who should be sorry? Who should be sorry for all of this? Her? Her father, for breaking her hand in the first place? The labs...? She could always stay calm, could always intelligently give an answer, but not like this. Not after killing a rabbit and gorging on it, not after going to see a friend and thinking about all of these things.

She didn't know who was supposed to be sorry. Just that, she was. Sorry. Sorry for not being in control...why, when she couldn't be?

Her crying was something between animal and human. She pressed the pads of her paw harder onto her face, like it might mask some of it. Oh gods. Oh gods. What was she doing here?