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Dear Diary,

Andrael's dad died. Well, that certainly was blunt. I found Chailyn and Andrael when I was walking home. After a while, I found myself nested up with Chai and Andi on the couch of Chai's home. I was a little shaken up, but Andi needed me. No, needed us. I stayed the night, then left early in the morning. I didn't really want to leave, but I suppose Chai was there to keep him company. Besides, I was having strange dreams that night.

I don't know how Andi is going to survive without Arrikanez -- they were so close. They loved eachother. I hope I never lose my mother. I don't think I could live without her, no, I know I couldn't live without her. Together we're a whole.

Well, anyway. Don't breathe too deep, don't think all day, dive into work, drive the other way. That drip of hurt, that pint of shame, goes away, just play the game. You're living in America, at the end of the millenium, you're living in America, leave your conscience at the tone. When you're living in America, at the end of the millenium, you're what you own.

Gee, that's optimistic, considering I don't really own all that much. Haha. I have to hold on to what I have, I guess. I'm going to go before I think too much about death. The last thing the world needs is another pessimistic, melodramatic teenager. There's enough of them already.

I hope Andi's alright. Perhaps I'll make him something.

~ Nalira.

Nalira stared at the dirty, cobweb infested ceiling, shifting uncomfortably in her bed. She closed her eyes, feeling the warmth radiate between her and the sheets. She was not, perhaps, in the most comfortable position, but moving would cause a sudden chill, and that was the last thing she needed. So, there she lay, twisted up in a seemingly painful position.

Her lips went, all of a sudden, very dry. Nalira ran her tongue over her lips in an attempt to moisten them, and, after failing, let out an exasperated sigh. She was dehydrated and needed a drink, but getting a drink involved moving, which was something she simply did not want to do. So, frowning, she moved further into the blankets, closing her eyes once more, feeling her mind wander away from reality.

Sunlight poured in through the open window, illuminating her features. Her face held little to no colour, like the rest of her body. Her skin was pale and sallow, giving her a very sickly look. Her dirty blonde hair fell over her face in strands, and had grown substancially since her Author had cut it all off and her body had the pinched look of somone who had grown very quickly in a short amount of time.

Suddenly, the door handle turned, snapping Nalira out of her half-conscious state. She immediatly sat upright, the blanket slipping from her body and sprawling carelessly over the bed. As the door opened, Nalira fell back into the sheets, blowing her hair from her face. Lemonlime raised an eyebrow, sitting at the end of Nalira's bed.

"Happy Birthday, dear." She said kindly, pushing her hair away from her face. She moved forward, laying next to Nalira, shoving her over with a gentle nudge to the ribs. Nalira sighed, moving over and turning to face her mother with great annoyance. She just wanted to be left alone.

"You're never happy anymore. It's your birthday, show me that beautiful smile." Nalira quirked an eyebrow, turning away from her mother irritably. Lemonlime sighed heavily, staring at the ceiling in disgust. "You really should clean your room." She stated, coughing as dust entered her mouth.

"I didn't even know it was dirty. Funny thing, that, isn't it? Remember that time I lost my vision?" Nalira hissed cooley, screwing up her nose. Lemonlime let out an exhasperated sigh, sitting upright and moving from the bed, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Well, I know when I'm not wanted." She shot back, a hint of hurt in the tone of her voice. Nalira shrugged, turning her back to her mother, drawing her legs up to her chest, snuggling further into the blankets. Lemonlime stared at the girl infront of her for a few moments, looking to the ground with a heavy heart. She turned, placing her hand on the doorknob, and with one last look over her shoulder and a whispered 'Happy Birthday', she closed the door.

Nalira sat up, gently reaching forward. Just as she had expected - her mother had left her birthday gift on the bed. Nalira glowered, bending down and sliding the present under her bed. She didn't need presents, she didn't need anything. She wasn't a charity case.

Irrational thinking, perhaps, but she just wasn't in the mood. Crawling back into bed, Nalira closed her eyes, snuggling deeply into the blankets. It didn't take long for her to fall asleep, nor did it take long for a vivid dream to start to build within her mind.

- - -

Nalira was stood in the middle of a room. It was unfamilliar, and for some reason, without thinking, Nalira rose her hands to her face. She started to count softly under her breath, a crooked smile on her face. When she spoke the numbers, it was very slow and deliberate, as if she was weighing down every word.

"One." She whispered, pausing, listening for any sign of movement. "Two." Once more, she paused. "Three, four, five." She hesitated, there was something moving in the room. "Six, seven, eight, nine." Another pause. Footsteps echoes through the enclosed room, causing her heart to beat much faster. A triumphant smile spread over her face. "Ten." She breathed, opening her eyes. She looked around the room a few times, her eyes trailing over every object carefully. Wait a moment, she could see? She could see. But, for whatever reason, she didn't care that she could see, she just had to find whoever she was looking for.

She moved over to the right hand corner of the room, stopping inches before the surface and running her hand over the smooth concrete wall. She looked over her shoulder, turning her whole body to followed her gaze. "Finando .." She whispered, her gaze wandering over the room once more. She slowly moved towards her bed, crouching down, raising the blanket. " .. Come out, come out, wherever you are." She chanted, but there was nothing there. She stood, narrowing her eyes.

Suddenly a warm summer breeze rushed over her body, causing a chill to run down her spine. She turned, staring. She ran over to the window, thrusting her head out, a mad grin on her face. She closed her eyes softly, feeling the wind blow her hair behind her in a mixture of blonde and grey. Once again, he had escaped her grasp. He was like trying to catch smoke with your bare hands.

Nalira turned, leaning her back against the window. Wait -- the window was open. Nalira let out a gasp, her hands lurching forward instinctively as her stomach dropped out; that sickening feeling of missing a step, the moment where you're suspended in air. She let out a petrified scream, feeling herself falling through the air.

All of a sudden she was on the ground, looking up. Panic rose quickly from the tips of her fingers as she watched her mother falling from the window, her throat seizing up as she attempted to scream her Mother's name. She squeezed her eyes shut as Lemonlime impacted the ground, her whole body shaking violently, tears streaking through her closed eyes.

She hesitantly opened one of her eyes, whimpering violently as she stared at her mother, crumpled on the ground in a pool of her own blood. She let out a chocked sob, rushing forward and crouching down beside her. Tears streaked her face in rivers, her hands clenched at her sides. She thrusted her head into her mothers chest, her tears staining the frabric that covered her body.

"You let me die .." Was all Nalira heard before she felt hands forcing themselves around her neck. She let out a choke, staring forward fearfully as her mother sat upright, her wrapped tightly around her daughter's neck. She wheezed, gasping for air that wasn't there. Her head was spinning, everything was going dark.

- - -

Nalira awoke with a start, gasping for air. She instinctively rose her hands to her neck, feeling around for any broken bones. Letting out a sigh of relief, she drew her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around her body and rocking back and forth, trying to make sence of what had just happened.

She hadn't had night terrors for months. Nalira shook her head, wiping the event from her mind, curling back up into the blankets, closing her eyes cautiously and falling into a dreamless sleep. It was stupid to think anything of it, it was just a dream, afterall. Wasn't it?

ha

[ Message temporarily off-line ]

Nalira stared at the needle pressed against her arm, feeling it slowly sink into the tender skin. She threw her head back, tears streaking her face as she pushed the syringe into her body. Her hand lost grip of the needle and moved to clutch her arm painfully.

"What am I doing .." She groaned, her breath becoming softer and faint. She jerked away as a hand touched her shoulder, scrambling backwards. Her bottom lip trembled as she leapt forward, latching onto the unknown figure.

Sweat dribbled from under her hair, her body shaking from the substance she had injected into her body. She coughed viciously into her hand, clutching onto the man in font of her, the drug-dealer. He was here to help her, he was going to save her. He was going to take her away from her nightmare, wasn't he? Wasn't he?

She closed her eyes weakly, the drug finally taking effect on her body. Everything seemed to fade away. Nothing hurt anymore. She wasn't afraid. She sunk to the ground slowly, leaning her head back against the wall, groaning quietly. Everything felt so much easier. There was so much more to live for.

She smiled to herself, the first smile in weeks. She had stopped visiting her mother in fear that she might not be there when she arrived. Fear she might have passed in the night. She had stopped seeing her friends, in fear they would reject her. She had stopped thinking in fear she would do something she regretted.

She blinked blankly as the dealer took her hands, smiling at her triumphantly. She leant forward, placing her head against his shoulder, breathing in the musky scent of his clothes. He smirked, gently pushing her back, shaking his head and running a finger down her cheek.

"Same time tomorrow, my pretty? A familiar voice whispered, grabbing her chin between his thumb and forefinger. Nalira nodded slowly, leaning into his touch. He stood, grinning to himself and sweeping off into the distance, leaving Nalira in the street. Numb. Vulnerable. Alone.

Nalira stood, wavering slightly, coughing into her closed hand. Everything was so light, there was no heavy burdens on her shoulders, no fears, no worries. She breathed in the crisp air happily, moving from the deserted Alley way, moving into the slightly crowded street.

She was alive again.

[ Nalira & Chai. ]