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 Posted: Sat Sep 03, 2005 2:32 pm
definatlyamule Chalda Rant rant rant.
It''s just one of those days. I''m pissed off and lonely and stressed and angry and everything all rolled into one. There is no communication at my work which makes it nearly impossible to do my job properly. Desite all of my efforts to get the lines of communication open it''s still not working which is such a piss off. My cheek is still itchy. Work is totally dead right now which makes me bored except for a ghost that keeps opening one door no matter how many times I''ve closed it. Shoo poltergist! I just want to go home. Which is funny because this is the exact time I leave my other job. what do you do in your job?
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Posted: Sat Sep 03, 2005 2:39 pm
Chalda definatlyamule Chalda Rant rant rant.
It''s just one of those days. I''m pissed off and lonely and stressed and angry and everything all rolled into one. There is no communication at my work which makes it nearly impossible to do my job properly. Desite all of my efforts to get the lines of communication open it''s still not working which is such a piss off. My cheek is still itchy. Work is totally dead right now which makes me bored except for a ghost that keeps opening one door no matter how many times I''ve closed it. Shoo poltergist! I just want to go home. Which is funny because this is the exact time I leave my other job. what do you do in your job? Does the museum have air conditioning?
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Posted: Sat Sep 03, 2005 2:48 pm
definatlyamule Chalda In my weekend job I'm a museum host in a castle. In my weekday job I'm a cashier in a cafeteria. Does the museum have air conditioning?
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Posted: Sat Sep 03, 2005 11:57 pm
MY dad works for Boeing. The union went on strike so they are asking him to do 12 hour shifts a day. He comes home cranky and rude. Since I am the only one in the family who doesnt run and cry when he yells, I get the full blow of it. Heh...it's funny...I really don't care anymore. He's stressed from work, he always does this he neevr will quit. at least we have some extra money to buy thigns we need now.
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Posted: Sun Sep 04, 2005 9:50 am
ButterBalls Went to Las Gaviotas, Mexico. It's by Rosarito. Surfed, gambled, people drank/smoke, parents got drunk, and more. It was relaxing. Came back to gas being three dollars.
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Posted: Sun Sep 04, 2005 1:31 pm
ButterBalls Chalda ButterBalls Went to Las Gaviotas, Mexico. It's by Rosarito. Surfed, gambled, people drank/smoke, parents got drunk, and more. It was relaxing. Came back to gas being three dollars.
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Posted: Sun Sep 04, 2005 4:30 pm
Well... is the price that it says on the gas pump actually the price your parents pay or do they have to pay more? That would indicate if taxes are already included or not.
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Posted: Sun Sep 04, 2005 4:32 pm
Chalda Well... is the price that it says on the gas pump actually the price your parents pay or do they have to pay more? That would indicate if taxes are already included or not.
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Posted: Mon Sep 05, 2005 12:01 am
A song by Kasey Chambers explaining my mood...
Am I not pretty ehough?
Am I not pretty enough? Is my heart too broken?
Do I cry too much? Am I too outspoken?
Don't I make you laugh? Should I try it harder?
Why do you see right through me?
I live, I breathe, I let it rain on me
I sleep, I wake, I try hard not to break
I crave, I love, I've waited long enough
I try as hard as I can
Am I not pretty enough? Is my heart too broken?
Do I cry too much? Am I too outspoken?
Don't I make you laugh? Should I try it harder?
Why do you see right through me?
I laugh, I feel, I make believe its real
I fall, I freeze, I pray down on my knees
I hope, I stand, I take it like a man
I try as hard as I can
Am I not pretty enough? Is my heart too broken?
Do I cry too much? Am I too outspoken?
Don't I make you laugh? Should I try it harder?
Why do you see right through me?
Why do you see, Why do you see, Why do you see right through me?
Im more than just a pretty face... I promise....
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Posted: Mon Sep 05, 2005 2:42 am
Yeah... Its 2:18 and im felling alittle lonely and lost. I dont know what I want to do with myself anymore... In games everything, life seems so easy... All the effort it takes is a click of a button... I wish life was really like that, maybe then I could be of use to some people... I just wanted to say sorry to all the people I whine to because I just fell misirable and I really dont know why. I guess im being selfish and asking for too much. Yeah, I just want someone to hold me... And ive been scaring myself lately... The thought of suicide tantalizes my mind... It seems so plesent and natural but at the same time, I dont feel the guilt I once did when I did seriously consider it. Have I become so numb to life? How could someone be so emoationless... I want to love... And my emoations are screaming out of my heart and mind, but I cant express them physically... I know I shouldent wollow in my own pity and burden everyone else into worrying about me but I just dont know what to do. I want someone here with me right now, to warm my cold little body and to hold me and teach me how to feel again... Most of all, I just want to know forsure that there are men in this world that wont hurt me like the ones before... I know that there are kind-hearted men that will look beyond my brests and my face... But where are they? I mean ive found one... But how can I be sure... And now that ive found such a kindered spirit... What do I tell him? What does he think of me? What do I do now? I feel totally helpless, like an infant left to brave the winter winds alone... And I also feel as if people dont trust me... Also my best friend Liz has been noticing that I am drawing away from her... Well, if I was to ever leave this world... I guess drawing away now might ease the pain... And why I want to die well... Whats the point of living when theres nothing to feel... Everything is just the same exprission over and over... This life is dull, and the only time I can actually get my feelings out is when my eyes are watering when my mother tells me that I have to do better in school before I can do anything with my life... My dream... And how my stepfather thinks so little of me... What am I talking about... Everyone does... Im little Sam... Little fradgile Sam. Well if you think im weak, and if im small, and I need someone to hold my hand for the rest of my ******** life... Well you can ******** the hell off. I dont need people like you around. Im not a little girl, I never was, and I never will be. Its not my fault that I dont know how to act my age... My mother wishes I could be a child, well you know what, I was robbed of that privlage... And she blames me for being numb. Heh, fine then, the blame always falls on me. So be it then, guess it might be easier to remove my presence from you with those new handy cutco knives eh? You wont have to worry about little sam anymore... Sure im loved... But its not helping enough this time.. Friends and family just arent enough... And im going to be a selfish b***h and say well... I want something more than that. Please someone tell me im worth more than a french whore... Right now... I feel less than human... I just... I give up... I give up on this whole game... I guess I have two choices... 1) Continue on as if there is nothing here except school ect... Or 2) I ******** take my favorite cut co knife out of my moms knife block... Sit in my room just like I am doing now... Open my one window, the one closest to my computer... Sit both my duck pillows on my lap as I have them now. Take the knife sharpener and just... Sharpen the knife over and over... Then wipe it clean with a damp cloth... Test it out on my arms and legs ect... Then take my full body mirror and face it to my window... Open up the curtians, stand up, take a deep breath... Hold it in for about three seconds and stab the knife into my throat causing me to loose the hold on the breath I had just taken and falling face foward on the mirror and sliding down its front... I lie there for about two minuents... Gurgling and regreting what I had just done, knowing these were my last seconds... I hold the knive in my hands, I am now drowining in my own blood... I cry... And I die...
So... Those are my choices... Not very pleasent... But... Yeah... I think that my choice right now is... Im going to stay away untill I feel the need for sleep. Pop my sleeping meds... And go to bed, thinking of him and wondering what he thinks of me... Heh... Yeah, I guess... I really am that horrible of a person... I am disgusting... Hes too good for me anyhow, he deserves better, all I am is a pretty doll left in the rain...
And thats all I have to say... The current time is 2:40 am... Bye...
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Posted: Mon Sep 05, 2005 12:47 pm
The closest person in my life has decided something unknowable and has stepped behind a wall.
I'm not depressed. I think I'm still numb. Apathetically unfeeling as of now. If I need help, I'll come here.
I am safe.
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Posted: Mon Sep 05, 2005 9:35 pm
My ex and i were fighting. He said he broke it off because if it went sour dow nthe road his studies would suffer 'cause and he knew he could start the relationship again. But he has a new girl. Well, not really, shei sj usta frickin sex kitten. Thats all he wants her for. That ******** hurts. I love him so much >.< Sad, I didnt know until it was too late. Now he pretty much hates me because he too ka few things i said wrong
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![[~Rommie~]'s avatar](https://a1cdn.gaiaonline.com/dress-up/avatar/ava/9e/3f/bb1d5fa143f9e_flip.png?t=1224032207_6.00_00)
