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 Posted: Mon Feb 19, 2007 10:29 pm
The Bandit King Jing Well, I kinda like this girl(no surprise there) But I highly doubt she likes me back, she's even mentioned another guy and her friend had me find out if my best friend liked her, well she(The girl I like) told me she doesnt like my best friend anymore but she does someone else, but she thinks the guy she likes has interested in other girls. So I'm debating on whether to just help her with her boy problems, or just tell her and get the rejection over with. UPDATE: Well, I've decided to get help through A mutual friend to find out if she has any intrest in me, if not, life moves on, slowly but it does if she does however, i have no clue what to do i've never had a Gf before sweatdrop
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Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2007 8:50 am
cry - *sigh* decisions, decisions.
Ok, here's the scoop. So, I'm in training for this really great job. I found out yesterday that the instructors think I'm good. So, I have a great chance of getting hired. But... *sigh* since I have no computer at home, I have to walk to the library to sign on and post in the guild. I don't want to give up SG and my upcoming plot twists are good. (at least I think so) But I'm literally hustling about for 15+ hours a day. Not to mention the walk home and other stuff. And when(*fingers crossed*) I get hired. The walk will be longer--in the OPPOSITE DIRECTION OF THE LIBRARY!!
*grrrrr* -angry scowl- I wish I had my computer... I gotta get another one-and fast!
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Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2007 4:34 pm
Real life is always more important. Look at it this way, if you spend time here, you'll be missing out on a really great job. But if you give us up for a while, take the job and make some money, then you can afford your own comp. Jobs the best idea in my opinion, but its up to you.
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Posted: Mon Apr 09, 2007 7:38 am
Thanks for the words of wisdom, Kyou. I wasn't considering giving up the job. It's too good and will open up a lot of doors for me. I just dont want to give up SG, especially since I didn't stay in FG long before having to bow out.
Good news though.
I only have to do the 15+ hour days for 4 days a week... then I get a heart 3 day weekend! heart
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Posted: Sun Nov 04, 2007 3:54 pm
I'm an angry, angry child today....[!!Warning!!] [Fujin’s Life contains Emo ( I hate being called Emo, its such a f** title -_-) Angst, self harming, drug abuse, neglect, self loathing & mild swearing][ Listening to: Disturbed - Hell] [ Watching: new Avatar] Q. You’re a Christian Fujin? A. Yes that’s correct, but I don’t feel like one today... It's a sick game I have to play, pretending that life smells like roses when really all I taste is ash in my mouth, and hell has never been this close to me. The Devils breathing down my neck, telling me the only way i can relieve all of this anger and sadness is to... kill myself.
That’s right guys, I'm a self harmer, not as serious as I used to be, it's only when I’m pushed so deeply into my depressed little corner. I also scieve/bunk off/skip school to wallow in my self-pity, doubt and just generally self loath until the site of myself makes me ache. (There’s a reason for that)
I've recently (as in, a few weeks, I’m not a junkie whee ) taken Cannabis or Weed to see if it could help me forget about the piss heads that have ******** up my life and left me with these god awful memories.
My only foundation has been God, my love for my friends and the art that I work on, oh and Ryoko of course that’s pushed me forward.
Sometimes I wish that that car should've finished me off, when i was lying on the floor with my head throbbing and people asking if i was all right… I felt bliss, relief, but I didn’t see those golden gates, i didn’t see that bright light, i just saw darkness, and I’ve never been so scared.
As soon as I saw the darkness I thought about you guys, I wanted to live desperately; you guys were my light!
This is a side I really HATE about myself; it’s like looking in a mirror and seeing your alter ego in the steering wheel.
I haven’t even explained why I feel like this and how it all started sweatdrop lol, it’s a long story that’s really for people who generally care.
This is as far as I go I’m afraid, the road ahead is complicated and really disturbing, all I wanted to do is vent this out anyway.
People say they ‘want’ to help, but really when troubles like this come along, it’s ignored because no one really wants to know about the strife’s in life, the difficulties one has to face.
It’s happened to me time and time again, so much so that I’m just so sick of fake company and words that fall on deaf ears. I’m a distraught, hurt and lonely person and all I have is myself, all I can do is rely on myself.
...And this I why I feel so sad, and angry and hurt
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Posted: Sun Nov 04, 2007 10:38 pm
I'm glad you trust us enough to share all of this. You're wrong though, because you aren't alone. I can try to tell you that I honestly care but words can be so cheap.
To be honest life can be crap, and most of it is digging around in the mud (stay with me here). But there are diamonds every once and a while, and those are worth any amount of digging through crud. If you give up though, all that work was for no reason, and you'll never know what gems you'd have picked out. And there are wonderful parts to everyone's life, so don't think for some reason you're cursed to never be happy. There's no reason to feel bad about feeling bad either.
Everyone is entitled to their low times, and no one should feel they have to hide it from anyone, even themselves. When you feel like this reach out to people you know will hold their arms out, if you're afraid no one else will, reach out to me, because I don't mind at all. I don't know how much I can help, but this is the best I can do and I more than willing to offer.
The best advice I can give you is to just get away from the people you see as fake. Usually they won't be able to understand how you feel anyway.
If you need to talk PM or IM me.
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Posted: Tue Nov 06, 2007 6:35 pm
*seconds Kyou's back up.* Me too. I won't go into a speech like Kyou did, mostly cause he covered basically what I was gonna say.
But seriously. If you ask any of my friends, you'll hear that I'm there if they ever need to talk about something (Though a few will say I give too much advice ._.), and you're DEFINITELY a friend. So seriously. If you ever feel like s**t, had a bad day, are pissed off for whatever reason or WHATEVER you want to talk about, talk with me.
And YES, I DO KNOW that this is 2 days late. XD
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Posted: Fri Nov 09, 2007 8:35 am
Thanks Guys, I really mean it. Knowing that you guys are there to back me up, really helps me feel appreciated. Sersiously i hate that side of me, ive actually avoided re-reading that because I just find it cringy and awful, but thats what my lifes about I'm afraid u_u that and I havnt slept for two days, Ugh! *bangs head*
Anyway! I'll hold you to that offer Kyou and you too Kichi, god knows i'll be disturbing you in the early mornin (time difference lol) asking for help. heart
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Posted: Fri Nov 09, 2007 5:29 pm
You don't need to hate it. There's nothing wrong with feeling that way, its better to accept both sides of yourself, the part thats positive and negative. Hating what you aren't usually proud of about yourself will only make it seem worse when you get in your low points.
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Posted: Fri Nov 09, 2007 5:42 pm
I'll do my best to be on then Fu.
On another note.
I. Am. SO. AMAZINGLY. FRUSTRATED. My internet is cutting out like 5 times an hour since I got home from school yesterday. And we can't figure out what's wrong. I hope we get it fixed by tomorrow...
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Je suis a toi Vice Captain
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Posted: Tue Nov 20, 2007 11:52 am
This is probably the latest reply on the face of the earth and I feel terrible for it, but I wanted to say that you are a wonderful person Fu. The previous messages from Kyou and Kichi are spot on. Battles against yourself are the hardest to fight and, though I don't compare, I've been there before too. Don't feel alone because you are never alone, we're here for you.
There's this one quote by this guy (who I don't know the name of and it's driving me insane) that I remember and the situation is appropriate I suppose . . . It usually comes to mind when I am hating myself because my antagonist is more often me than anyone else . . . He that wrestles with us strengthens our nerves and sharpens out skills. Our antagonist is our helper.
I don't know if that would necessarily help you but I know finding something you can rely on to make you feel better always helps . . . I hope I myself have helped in some way. I hope you'll be okay, just fight through, your heart is strong.
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