| Family Guy!! |
| HALARIOUS!! |
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95% |
[ 45 ] |
| SUCKS!! |
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0% |
[ 0 ] |
| So/So |
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4% |
[ 2 ] |
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| Total Votes : 47 |
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 Posted: Fri Jul 28, 2006 8:31 am
Meg: I just want to kill myself I'm gonna go upstairs and eat a whole bowl of peanuts.
(Lois and Peter stare in silence)
Meg: I'm alergic to peanuts.
(Peter and Lois keep staring)
Meg: You dont know anything about me. (runs upstairs)
Peter: Who was that guy?
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Posted: Fri Jul 28, 2006 8:32 am
Peter: Well, I'm gettin' something really special too. And by special I don't mean special like that Kleinaman boy down the street. More special like... like Special K, the cereal. Hey, what do they do with the regular K? And for that matter, what ever happend to K. Ballard? You know, if you said mallard and you had a cold, it would sound like ballard.
Brian: Do you listen to yourself when you talk?
Peter: I drift in and out.
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Posted: Fri Jul 28, 2006 8:34 am
Peter: Ok, here's another riddle. A woman has two children. A homicidal murderer tells her she can only keep one. Which one does she let him kill?
Brian: That's... that's not a riddle. That's ... that's just terrible.
Peter: Wrong, the ugly one!
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Posted: Fri Jul 28, 2006 8:34 am
Peter: Lois, um, go get the medical dictionary and look up "fork" and "lung."
Lois: Why?
Peter: Time is a factor, Lois.
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Posted: Fri Jul 28, 2006 8:36 am
Peter: I'll give you $40 for that coffin.
Store Owner: Sir, this casket is $1,000.
Peter: I'll give you $2,000.
Store Owner: Sir, that's double what it costs.
Peter: $60.
Brian: [to the store owner] He doesn't know how to haggle
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Posted: Fri Jul 28, 2006 8:37 am
Brian: Peter, are you sure, you've never had much luck telling jokes.
[Flash back to Peter in a net surrounded by apes with guns]
Peter: Okay, Okay. How many dirty stinkin' apes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Three: One dirty stinkin' ape to screw in the light bulb, and two dirty stinkin' apes to throw faeces at each other. Hehehehehehe.
[Apes c**k shotguns]
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Posted: Fri Jul 28, 2006 8:38 am
Peter: We all love the bible in this house.
Francis: Really? What's your favourite book of the bible.
Peter: Umm ... the one where Jesus swallows the puzzle piece, and the man in a big yellow hat has to take him to the hospital.
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Posted: Fri Jul 28, 2006 8:39 am
Congressman: There is no just cause for an invasion of Iraq.
Peter: Well that may be, but what were all forgetting is anyone that doesn't want to go to war is gay.
Congressman:I want to go to war.
Congressman:I want to go to war.
All of Congress:I want to go to war.
d**k Cheney:I was the first one who wanted to go to war.
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Posted: Fri Jul 28, 2006 8:40 am
Lois: Okay here we go, "What color is a firetruck?"
Peter: Aww, oh God I always get these. Umm..okay..uhh..all right..firetruck..firetruck firetruck firetruck firetruck. What color are those red firetrucks? Uhh..Oh god I can picture them now...all red and everything.
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Posted: Fri Jul 28, 2006 8:42 am
(Lois and Peter watching a beer commercial containing two women rubbing tanning oil on each other.)
Lois: Typical male fantasy, women drinking beer. A man must have made that commercial.
Peter: Of course a man made it. It's a commercial, not a delicious Thanksgiving dinner.
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Posted: Fri Jul 28, 2006 8:44 am
Man: Wow, Lois Griffin, Hey, I love your act! Nice mellons.
Peter: Now listen pal!
Lois: Peter, I'm holding mellons.
Peter: Oh
Man: And her hooters aint bad either.
Peter: Now hold on a second.
Lois: Peter! I'm holding hooters!
Peter: Oh, sorry.
Man: No problem .
(pause)
Man: Your wife's hot.
Peter: Alright that's it!
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Posted: Fri Jul 28, 2006 8:45 am
Lois: Peter, did you paste a new picture of yourself on our wedding picture?
Peter: Yeah I think it looks better.
Lois: You pasted it over me.
Peter: Yeah I think it looks better.
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Posted: Fri Jul 28, 2006 8:46 am
(Peter looks around and sees the KKK following him and Cleveland.)
Peter: Holy crap! Do you you see what I see?
Cleveland: I'm afraid so!
Peter: We're being chased by ghosts!
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Posted: Fri Jul 28, 2006 8:48 am
Peter: HOLY CRAP! I'm communticating with nature! Uh, tree, if one of you falls and no one is around to hear you, do you make a noise?
Tree: Oh yeah, Scott fell over last week and hasn't shut up about it since.
Scott the Tree: Oh yeah, go ahead and b***h, but you don't see anyone trying to HELP ME!
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Posted: Fri Jul 28, 2006 8:49 am
Mr.Weed: Peter! Are you sleeping on the job?
Peter: Uh uh...no! There's uh..a..bug in my eye and I'm trying to suffocate him.
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