Welcome to Gaia! ::

"I appreciate it, thank you." Although she had to wonder how long it would take him to realize he wouldn't need to go anywhere because she was taking about him.

“I met him in the hallway a few months ago. At the time I thought he was kind of cute but definitely handsome, especially with his unique eyes. Since he’s a resident of the barracks we’ve talked off an on since then.” More on than off since she spent probably close to seventy if not eighty percent of her time with Wolframite especially since they slept in each others rooms; platonically of course.

“He can be a bit cocky at times but when you’ve been around as long as he has you kind of have to give it to him. Kind of entitled to teach new recruits, like myself, a thing or two.” Eight, going on nine years from what he had told her initially.

“One thing that might cause a problem is that he is a higher ranking officer.” Laven hazarded a glance at him to see if he was catching on or not. “I worry that he might think I’m using him to get out of my quota or that I’m trying to turn him into my white knight so I don’t have to fight anymore. Which isn’t true, I’m trying to work hard so Lopezite doesn’t need to cover for me, I wouldn’t want him to pick up the slack for me either.” It made it easier when they patrolled together. He gave her the confidence boost she needed and an out in case things got too dangerous; but together they seemed to get things done but not without a little playful time as well.

“A word of caution. His mood swings can kind of give you whiplash if you’re not careful so please” Laven looked at him pleadingly, “watch what you say. You know he’s about to attack when his ears pin backwards and he gets this terrifyingly mean look on his face.” She scrunched her own face as a joke but he did not seem amused. “Consider it a lesson from the learned since I have a permanent mark on me because of him.”

Out of every clue she had given him, that last one should be a no brainer as to who she was talking about since it is the one thing she has yet to let him forget.

For a moment there it seemed that Wolframite was slowly putting the pieces together and was finally figuring it out that it was his qualities she was listing. But then he turned his attention onto her, sharp as it was he managed to single-handedly prove several of her statements true with just four words.

Yes, he was most definitely jealous. And yes... his mood swings could give a person whiplash if they weren’t expecting it.

Nonetheless, in response to his sudden anger, Laven jumped to the side away from him with a startled ‘eep’.

Who the hell is Wolfeite? she wanted to ask but found she had no voice as he focused on the completely wrong things and continued to just spitfire questions in her direction. When finally he stopped to take a breath Laven reached over and grabbed his dragon plushy and for a split second wondered why its ear was wet before swinging her arm out wide to smack him with it’s fluffy a** right in his face.

“Are you kidding me?” The look she gave him was one of utter disbelief as she rolled back over, wincing as she rubbed her heel against the bed, and threw one leg over his so she sat on his lap. “I have no idea who that is!”

Even with his legs under the blanket, as a Captain, he could very easily unseat her but at least his paws were free as she cupped his face with both hands and leaned in close enough that their noses almost touched. Glacial blue eyes searched his for any sign that he was either pulling her leg or honestly thought she was interested in some other officer.

Beyond the anger and frustration, she definitely saw the jealousy that dripped from his accusations but hidden behind even those she could have sworn that she saw a glint of hurt; however fleeting it may have been it was most definitely there.

“Finish these sentences…I wanted my first kiss to be with…” Laven paused for a moment. “I would kiss…” She paused once more for him to fill in the second blank, “again if given the chance?”

There, he said it. And yet.. There still seemed to be this lingering confusion or disbelief as if he was just shooting from the hip, taking a shot in the dark, and despite hitting the nail on the head Wolframite still seemed to believe that she had to be talking about someone else.

A part of her wanted to flick his ear or the tip of his nose scoldingly out of frustration because she honestly couldn’t tell if he was simply trolling her to be an a** or truly, honestly, believed it had to be someone else she was talking about. For as much as she had been prancing around the topic out of fear of either being rejected or losing him as a friend because things between them were uncomfortable or awkward, Laven felt almost desperate for him to just… get the hints.

And so, rather than getting angry at him for shouting at her, she drew in a calming breath and exhaled slowly as she closed that already small distance between them and grabbed that second chance greedily. Her kiss was gentle if not chaste but not as shy as before, nervous perhaps but with a little more confidence. Before she had done it believing he would be surprised enough by the act that he would get off and let her go, she wanted, if not needed, him to stay.

When she finally pulled away, Laven felt a bit winded as before. Her forehead leaned against his however her eyes remained shut. “I don’t get you. In one breath you tell me that I can be happy and have close to a ‘normal’ life. That I can find happiness here or there. You encourage me to be selfish… but when I am… in that same breath you are jealous, if not angry, over yourself.”

Laven leaned back and lowered her hands to her lap. She made no move to get off him, however, otherwise it would be to retreat back to her bedroom to pull out every drawer and move ever piece of furniture until she found that little ankle biting piece of s**t that woke them up.

“Yes, you…” She stated with almost a heavy heart as if she was preparing herself for the worst.

“Every quality I described was you, especially the mood swings.” Again she wanted to hit him with the plush for startling her the way he did but Laven stayed her hand. “But I can’t tell if you reject the idea so much that you want it to be someone else.”

The more she spoke, the more Laven could feel the courage she felt pull away only to be replaced by that same worry as before. “It is ok if you don’t feel anything for me.” Her heart panged at the outright lie but she continued on to hide the hurt. “I’ve been happy with how things have been between us. I honestly don’t mind if you want to pretend none of this happened. If it would be easier, we can just chalk all this up to too much candy or some surreal dream.”

Please don’t give me hope where there otherwise is none. Things were fine the way they were before and I can be happy with that.

Laven shifted slightly so she could sit in a more comfortable position.

She could feel his breath stir the hair atop her head as she listened to his heartbeat as he spoke. For every bad quality he listed she had a counter to it, all that remained was the unknown. They each had their own secrets which held them back and out of respect for the other they hadn’t really ever pushed for answers.

“It’s easy to see the worst in ourselves and the best in others. I’m no saint; I’m just as selfish and greedy as you are.” Her voice was quiet as she simply allowed herself relax within the circle of his arms. With how heavy his paws were they were what kept her grounded here in the present moment rather than allowing her mind to sink into deeper more depressing thoughts or worries.

“Perhaps it is due to my youma nature, the dragon beast inside of or a part of me. But it fiercely protects what it has claimed and is perceived to belong to it; which at some point has extended to you.” The only difference between them was that he bore no mark from her.

“I lied to you when I said you should try to work things out with Mali. I’m a selfish creature, just as you are, in that I don’t want you to go back to him. I don’t want you to give him the chance to hurt you again.” Wolframite was so sad, so broken when he had come to her room that night. Through the earring she could feel how much his heart was breaking from losing a friend. There was only so much she could do to make the pain go away.

“You deserve to be happy just as much as anyone. However, I am also greedy in that despite the time you give me I have to stop myself from knocking on your door.” It has become less frequent since they started sleeping beside one another. With such small beds there was definitely an adjustment period but over the course of the last few weeks she had found it difficult to fall asleep on nights he was not there. Whether it was because he had things going on or across the hallway she wasn’t sure, but since the night their youma sides acknowledged each other it didn’t feel right without him there.

“It is ok if we need to take things slowly. Just keep things as they are for now and work on learning more about one another.” Laven turned so she could wrap her arms around him and nuzzled her cheek against his chest.

“Just as you agreed to come after me should I run away,” She tilted her head up to look up at him. “When you’re ready to talk I will stay and listen, and I will do my best to understand.” For him to fear that she would turn away completely it meant that there was a looming shadow that may test the very foundation they stood upon. It was a foreboding thought but not one she could turn a blind eye to either.

“Until then, nothing needs to change.” However, he did owe her an example of a better kiss, but perhaps right now would not be a good time to foster such thoughts or ideas.

Laven’s lips parted as if she was about to say something but not a sound was made nor word uttered. Instead, it seemed as if she had forgotten how to breathe. Her head tilted to the side ever so slightly and it became clear in the way that she looked at him that she was struggling to process what he had said.

With the strength of his words alone he had struck the ground they stood upon and in it created a noticeable crack.

Seconds passed before she shifted. Her body felt oddly numb at this revelation and yet she managed to unwind her arms from around his torso and push herself up so she could move off his lap.

Eight years, her lips moved but nothing was said. For the entire time he has been a part of the Negaverse, with the exception of this last year, he was in a committed relationship with someone only to just walk away and for what?

“I don’t understand…” She could feel the stinging burn of unshed tears as she pulled away and move to the edge of the bed. They had each wore one of her earrings on a few occasions and yet not once had she ever caught a glimpse of this man; the only officers she remembered Wolframite sharing was his General and the corrupt.

Her movements were slow as she carefully walked across the room over to his desk and in it, just where he said they were, was his rings. For everything he said she could have, he already had at one time but in the end, left it all behind...

The simple act of blinking sent a steady stream of hot tears rolling down her cheeks when she lifted the cold metal rings up and held them in the palm of her hand. “Why would you give him up,” The lump in her throat silenced her momentarily, and in that time she looked around his room and then at him. “For this…?”

What joy was there to be trapped here in the Dark Kingdom? To be looked at by other officers with disgust or be treated like they were less than a human because their physical appearance and abilities were different. They were half youma; part of them derived from beasts within the Rift. But that didn’t mean that they were devoid of emotion or thought.

He was the only reason she had survived in the barracks for as long as she had. He brought her joy and comfort where there otherwise was none in the time that her Captain was otherwise preoccupied with life as a civilian. Without him, she wasn’t entirely sure she would be here right now.

Laven’s heart ached terribly as she put the rings back in their place and closed the drawer. Her mind wandered to the similarities between her and his former husband and had to wonder if she was somehow his replacement. What she said earlier was true, that she cared about him deeply; when he was hurt or upset she felt it too, and if he was scared she would hum a soothing song or hold him until he was calm again. However, a thought did pass through her mind as she wondered if the day would come where he would abandon his word and leave her too.

If the day ever came it would break her. Even if all they were was friends if he decided she was no longer worth having around and up and left… it would shatter her completely. Just as it likely did to his husband…

“You told me you chose to be a half youma. But-” She lifted a hand up to try to wipe away her tears to no avail. “If you had someone who truly cared and supported you, why would you trade that away for a life here? To be abused and treated like a novelty pet?” The irony to it was that here she was condemning Mali, someone she knew very little about and had only seen through memories Wolframite had shared. But at least the corrupt had told him face to face rather than a dispassionate text.

“Do you still love him? Is that why you keep them? Or is it because you regret leaving the way you did?” Wolframite hadn’t even been a half-youma for a full year yet here she was confessing her feelings for him when he likely still harbored feelings for his ex.

At eight year years of service, assuming he was near her age, he would have at least been a consenting adult when he was recruited. But ten years? That meant he was just a kid, not even out of high school when he was given one of those useless ‘weapons’ and told to play the role of a good soldier and fight. Her own awakening no longer seemed so cruel when compared to his. Yes her life as she knew it had abruptly ended but at least she had a chance to actually live where he was robbed of many life experiences and those that he did have were eventually ripped away.

Trapped in a daze, Laven crossed the room and sat on the edge of the bed near enough to him that she could feel the mattress bow beneath his weight but still remained out of arms reach. Tears still slid down her scaled cheeks albeit slower than before as she continued to try and process his explanation.

Simple things such as carving pumpkins or knowing how to cook were lost upon him. Before she had assumed that it was because he had a permanent loss of memory due to a battle he had been in since she knew he loved to fight. But to learn that it was a punishment for leaving the Negaverse was almost too much for her to handle.

For the first time in months she felt a seed of hate towards the Dark Kingdom, the Negaverse and their Queen begin to grow. The punishment didn’t justify the crime because there was no crime committed. Not even a month ago he had asked if she hated Metallia and at the time her answer had been no. However, now she had a reason to question or second guess her motives and orders.

“I understand that this war gives you purpose and that you like to fight.” She had watched him fight a youma recently and despite getting hurt he still looked like he had fun. But then afterwards he still wanted to spar with her when they got home.“I feel like I should be surprised that you enjoy killing but I’m not.” He was a hunter, born and bread for this sort of thing. But what she attributed to his youma nature she now learned that that was part of who he was before the change. He once told me that if I couldn’t kill that he would. But would he be able to stop if I asked him to

“When all you know is how to be a soldier, it makes sense that it would be difficult to let it all go and try to live an ordinary life.” It made sense that they would struggle after losing half their memories, important moments gone as if they never happened and all because they wanted to live a simple life.

It was something military men and women experienced that every day when they returned from a deployment, were discharged or lucky enough to retire. It was common enough that spouses would fight over misunderstandings or because one could not relate to another especially in terms of triggers or PTSD reactions. Her aunt and uncle had went through something similar which ultimately ended in their divorce. They had two kids at the time and now their family was a complicated mess.

“But what makes us… this… different than your marriage?” Laven let the questions hang in the air for a few minutes before very quietly adding, “What makes me different?” They both deeply cared for Wolframite and wanted to support him in the only way they knew how but if his husband couldn’t succeed what made him think that she could?

There is nothing special about me. I’m pathetic and weak. Can’t fight and won’t kill. What use am I to him other than to be a shoulder for him to lean against? How long until he realizes this and decides I’m too much work to keep around?

“What’s to keep you from leaving me too?” All she had was his reluctant agreement where his husband had a marital vow. For the first time since she left his side, Laven finally turned to look at him. He admitted his fear that she would leave him as Mali did but it seemed the bigger fear was that he would be the one to take the first step.

“I understand feeling apprehensive or having self doubt. But if you’re going to achieve your goals then the first step is learning from your mistakes.” Which is something he was already doing on his own. “As much as you may want it to, it’s not something that simply happens over night.”

“You’re right though, I might get hurt again.” Laven has been bitten, nipped, clawed and had felt the effects of his venom in her body. Physically none of that would change if they simply remained friends or pursued a relationship with one another. It was a part of his nature as a half-youma. Thankfully her own abilities complimented it in a way that she was able to circumvent a lot of it if she simply practiced more in her water form.

Emotionally though, that was something that had barely been tested yet. He was an enigma as she use to pride herself in being. But over the last few months, if she were to really think back on the moments they shared, Wolframite was quite open with his thoughts or emotions whether he meant to be or not. His tail and ears gave a lot away if only you knew how to read the small twitch or swivel. Not to mention the use of her earrings; his willingness to help her learn how to use them opened up a different way of communication that most friends, or couples, even had.

“The fact that you were the one to open up and tell me all this rather than wait until someone else decides to try to cause friction or a rift between us means that you’re acknowledging your mistakes and trying to take a step away from what, and who, you used to be.” Before he was selfish and hurt others but at least he was honest and acknowledged that it may happen again. However, now he was in a place where he felt comfortable and where he belonged because at least here he was happy. Perhaps that might be the difference needed to work towards being better not only for others, or her but for himself.

“You’re not infallible, Wolframite. There will be days where you slip back into old familiar ways; you’ll stumble and fall. But if you’ll allow me, I would like to be the one there to help pick you back up just as you’ve been there for me.”

“Knowing that you had happiness for a time but gave it up was a hard pill to swallow, but my feelings for you remain unchanged. I still care about you. I still want to continue to make memories with you, go get drinks together on Halloween and rent the cabin this Winter. I want to do the mundane things like carve pumpkins, go on walks, watch Friends until we fall asleep…” There were so many places she wanted to take him once she was able to teleport them herself. Allow him to be the one to bring them back so it wasn’t just one of them expending so much energy on transportation.

“What I don’t want to be is a nuisance or to get in the way of your goals. The last thing I want is to be a distraction. So, if that means we continue to spar together so you can rely on me as a patrol partner rather than worry then I don’t mind training more.”

Laven turned to look away, her eyes focusing on some arbitrary spot on the floor while her hands fussed with the blankets she sat upon. “This is just me being selfish but my biggest fear is losing you and what we have. Yes, I want to be with you.” Despite his past she couldn’t just simply ignore the feelings she had towards him. Although she wasn’t the one he had wronged, and while it wasn’t her place to forgive him, what Laven could do was give him a chance if that truly was something he wanted.

“You give me goals to work towards and moments to look forward to. I don’t need promises, even if that means I absolve you of our former agreement, all I ask is that you be honest with me.”

His possessiveness almost pulled from her a pleased purr when Laven got up from the bed, but she stymied the reaction for now. Instead she turned then took a few steps so she stood in front of him and leaned forwards so her forehead rested against his. “I don’t mind.”

“I’d rather try and know for certain then to spend a life not knowing and wonder ‘what if’.” Even her youma side seemed content with this agreement as the break in the storm calmed the turbulent sea.

The foundation between them may have been struck hard enough that it left a crack and while it may be difficult to cross at parts it could be filled with water and with that at least she could swim.

It would be difficult to revert back to being only friends but if it was between that or losing him completely then she would do her best to preserve at least that for both their sakes.