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 Posted: Sun Dec 10, 2017 6:08 pm
October 21st, 2017
Text to Cordelia:
3:04AM. Please be safe walking home.
3:05AM. Please text me as you go and when you get home.
3:06AM. What can I say, tea is important.
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Posted: Sun Dec 10, 2017 6:25 pm
October 21st, 2017
Text to Fritz:
3:07AM. Are you sure you don't want me to come over? [Message Deleted]
3:08AM. Make yourself some tea, Fritz.
3:09AM. I'll let you know as soon as I'm home. <3
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Posted: Sun Dec 10, 2017 8:28 pm
November 9th, 2017
He was having an attack.
They happened every so often, still, because he couldn't control them. Fritz was standing in his kitchen, fingers clenched around a sponge oozing soap, and he was scrubbing at the countertop. It had been fifteen minutes; he'd stayed scrubbing that one spot for at least ten of those minutes.
His fingers felt bruised.
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Posted: Tue Dec 12, 2017 7:05 pm
November 9th, 2017 One night while sitting across from him at the diner Cordelia had borrowed the phone of one Fritz St James. She'd distracted him with conversation as she'd fussed with his ringtones, sliding his phone back over to him after setting a special tone for herself. When she called the tone started out the same as any other notification Fritz might get as his phone rang. After the first blip it morphed into a song that she hoped would inspire him to answer in knowing that it was her. Sitting in her own living room now, pondering what to do with her evening, Cordelia plucked up her phone to place a call to Fritz. Do do doo do do dooo.
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Posted: Thu Dec 14, 2017 12:37 pm
November 9th, 2017
Distantly, he was aware of the phone ringing.
Distantly, he was aware that it was the familiar and stomach fluttering ringtone of Cordelia.
Distantly, he was aware that he was the only one home because Wendell was out with Peter and there was no one else to pick up the phone, and if he didn't do it now, it would go to voicemail.
Distantly, he was aware of all of these things.
He kept scrubbing.
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Posted: Thu Dec 14, 2017 8:22 pm
November 9th, 2017 [ Text to Fritz: ] Was just checking to see if we were still on for movie night.[ Text to Fritz: ] You said six, right?[ Text to Fritz: ] Betting you forgot to charge your phone again. If you get this, I'll see you soon. She'd sent a few texts to Fritz St James as she'd gotten ready for the walk to his apartment, not worrying about the missed call or the texts that went without response as much as she might have once-- or, perhaps, as much as she should have. She had grown accustomed to the disdain Fritz had for all things technological and that there were nights where he humored her with conversing through text meant more than he likely knew, and yet... Cordelia threw her coat on over her shoulders, tugging her gloves out of her pockets to slide them on as well. A notification popped up on her phone that her Uber driver had arrived downstairs and after providing an address for her destination they were off with only one stop in between for the snacks she'd said she'd bring along. The building was quiet as she made her way up the stairs to his apartment. She wasn't sure what she had expected, but the almost eerie stillness wasn't it. On the other side of Fritz's door she could hear water running. Lips pursed together, Cordelia knocked on the door.
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Posted: Mon Dec 18, 2017 9:11 am
November 9th, 2017
The texts arrived safely to Fritz's phone, but went unnoticed. It was somewhere in the living room, possibly on a table or falling into the couch cushions, and too far away to actually be anything more than a distant, muffled ringing sound. He knew who was calling, but his mind refused to take note of this, the haze around him too thick to penetrate.
His fingers were reddened, rough. Fritz had moved from the counter to to the island opposite it, scrubbing at the marble top with a ferocity that made his hand throb and his chest ache, soapy suds crawling their way up his arm. His sleeves were rolled up his forearms, the collar of his dress shirt unbuttoned just enough to reveal what would have been his oath mark, if he'd been powered up.
He didn't hear the knocking, but the door was unlocked.
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Posted: Wed Dec 20, 2017 8:20 pm
November 9th, 2017 The water was running but she heard nothing else inside. Cordelia knocked again, this time louder. No response. Whereas she hadn't been worried before, she was now. Unease crept through her, pushing her to anxiousness as she knocked again. In her head she imagined worse case scenarios-- What if....? No. Fritz wouldn't. Yet just thinking about what if had her heart racing faster. What if? What if? What if? Cordelia's hand reached for the doorknob, shaking as she gave it a twist. It popped open and she heaved a sigh of partial relief. He'd left the door open for her. Maybe.... Maybe... She set her bag down on the floor, kicking off her shoes so as to not drag the outdoors any further into Fritz's apartment. When she spotted him she paused, heart holding in her chest along with a breath. "... Fritz? Thank goodness you're alright." Words were spoken softly and likely too soon. She wouldn't know how not alright he was just standing across the room, but he was standing and that was a start. He wasn't lying on the floor. He wasn't... Cordelia's eyes closed for a moment as she chased that thought away, drawing in a deep breath before stepping forward, catching the tension in the way he was holding his body, noting how furiously he was scrubbing. "Fritz..." Cordelia reached out slowly, gently placing one of her hands over his. "Fritz, it's alright."
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Posted: Wed Dec 20, 2017 8:42 pm
November 9th, 2017
His head didn't rise, but something in Fritz's jaw tensed at the sound of Cordelia's voice, a muscle flexing, body suddenly rigid. His fingers curled around the sponge with enough force to almost crush it, soap suds oozing out from between his knuckles, white and foamy.
His mouth opened, and then shut, and he kept scrubbing, because he had to get this clean, he had to fix this, he had to -
Fingers touched his own, gentle and soft, accompanied by words just as gentle and soft. Fritz sucked in a sharp, painful breath that felt like knives in his throat and had to force the words out, crowded in his chest. He felt like he was drowning in them.
"No, I have - I have to finish - " He moved his arm, pressing the sponge onto the counter. "I have to get this clean - "
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Posted: Thu Dec 21, 2017 7:57 pm
November 9th, 2017 Crystal blue eyes drifted down to the counter top to see if she could catch a glimpse of what he was seeing. She knew that she wouldn't; knew the frenzy and the panic just as well as if it were her own. How many demons had she run from under the guise of scrubbing her own kitchen clean? "It's clean," she said softly, firmly, her hand gently pressing down atop his to stop his movement. She held his hand for a moment before reaching to draw the sponge away from his raw, soapy fingers. Her thumbs brushed lightly over the backs of his hands, trying to anchor him to the here and now away from whatever was haunting him. "Let's rinse up and dry off, alright? I've never seen a kitchen so clean in all my life-- It's a kitchen my grandmother would be proud of." She held on to his hands firmly, hoping that she could get through to him enough to let him know that drawing away wasn't an option. She wasn't going to let him go. She wasn't going to let him face this, whatever it was, alone.
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Posted: Fri Dec 22, 2017 8:41 pm
November 9th, 2017
He couldn't stop. His hands were moving of their own accord, fingers pressing white knuckled into the sponge, and he couldn't stop. The haze that was settled around him felt too thick, too suffocating, reminders of everything he had failed at and everything he was continuing to fail at beginning to seep in through the cracks.
It's clean.
Her hand on his felt simultaneously wrong and right. He wanted to pull his fingers away, wanted to wrap them around hers. Wanted to drag her into his arms almost as much as he wanted to push her out the door and close it behind her, leave himself alone with his thoughts and his frustrations and his mess of a life.
Fritz closed his eyes. Some of the tension in him eased, and then, as though he had been holding it all in, all of it seemed to ebb out of him, and Fritz turned, sinking down onto the floor of his kitchen, his back against the island. One arm was still stretched up, caught in Cordelia's grasp.
He drew his knees up to his chest and pressed his forehead to them, breathing heavily.
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Posted: Mon Dec 25, 2017 11:03 am
November 9th, 2017 Cordelia felt the tug on her hand as Fritz sank to the floor and for a brief moment she thought to let go. She thought to let him be, to give him his space. She didn't because of his hand in hers; because of their fingers twined and the fact that even as he'd fallen he hadn't drawn away. Cordelia sank to her knees before him, inching forward cautiously until she was settled as close to him as she thought he would permit her. Her hand held his tightly, thumb brushing lightly along his knuckles. She leaned in to lightly rest her head against his, words softly spoken as she murmured to him. "Just breathe, Fritz... With me. In and out." As she spoke she drew their hands up between them, pressing his hand to the center of her chest and holding it there as she drew in a deep breath. She held it for a moment before releasing it, hoping that he would try to match his breathing to hers.... And that maybe he'd ignore the way her heart was pounding.
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Posted: Fri Dec 29, 2017 8:53 am
November 9th, 2017
It was hard to think.
The attacks happened less often as of late, but it didn't make them any more bearable when they did happen. Fritz kept his eyes shut and focused on the sound of Cordelia's voice, letting himself breathe in and out in time to the syllables, trying to steady his uneven heartbeat.
Her fingers slipped away from his - both a relief and a disappointment - stop that, Fritz - but he kept his hand where it was, lifting just a little to press against her sternum, fingertips barely brushing against her. It felt -
Stop that.
He breathed.
"Sorry" came after about five minutes of silence, quiet and ashamed.
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Posted: Fri Dec 29, 2017 7:55 pm
November 9th, 2017 "Never be sorry," Cordelia spoke softly as she brought one hand up, palm lightly cradling his jaw. Her touch was gentle as she tilted his head up as she leaned in, tenderly brushing her lips to his temple. "You are so absolutely incredible and you never have to apologize for that, not to me." Because I understand.
Because I've been there.
Because I love you... She closed her eyes as she leaned in, resting her forehead lightly against his, trying desperately to ignore how much she wanted to wrap her arms around him-- how tightly she wanted to hold him while reassuring him that everything would be alright. She didn't, certain she was already pushing boundaries too far just by lingering as close as she was. It was with that thought that she leaned back again, fingers rising to gently brush a lock of hair away from Fritz's face. "Think we can get up? Head over to the sofa? I can heat up some water for tea...."
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Posted: Sat Jan 06, 2018 8:24 pm
November 9th, 2017
The instinct was to pull away, to jerk his face from her hand. He couldn't do it, though he wanted to, because he could feel the uneasiness lying beneath his skin, could feel the guttural reaction that made him want to bury himself away and never come back.
She was too close. Her warmth was overwhelming him, the kiss to his temple lingering too long, too much, too open. His emotions were on display for the world to see. Fritz could feel the simple pressure of her lips all the way from his head to his toes.
How badly he wanted to hold her.
How badly he wanted to kiss her.
He closed his eyes.
"Tea sounds lovely," he mumbled, because it was all he could say.
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