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 Posted: Fri Aug 14, 2015 8:18 pm
He was still being carried in Hitch's arms, and he wasn't about to let go until Hitch grew tired of it. Tolliver clung to his lover's shoulders, his neck, face buried in his hair, and listened to what he was being told. It made a swell of warmth rise in his chest, because again, Hitch did not often talk about himself, and every time he did, every time he was personal was incredibly intimate.
"I hurt so much," Tolliver whispered, and he'd closed his eyes, feeling the weight and the warmth of Hitch telling him that he loved having him there wash over him. "I thought it was just, you know...an end. I thought things were going to be so ******** up after that, but you came and you..." Was it too melodramatic to say that Hitch had saved him?
Tolliver gave a little watery laugh.
"I love being here," he said, and squeezed Hitch tightly. "I love the way you make me feel like I'm my own person, even if - " He took a breath, shaking. " - even if I'm yours, even if m-my heart is very much not my own anymore, you still make me feel like I'm just my own separate person from Fritz, and I need that."
He closed his eyes.
"I need you."
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Posted: Fri Aug 14, 2015 8:35 pm
Hitch would never really get tired of it; he liked the weight of Tolliver in his arms and the unspoken trust that came with it. That, and again, it was a matter of feeling wanted, needed. Tolliver never stayed in his arms long without burrowing, kissing, nuzzling, all some of Hitch's personal favorites.
His cheeks burned faintly at Tolliver's confession, a fresh surge of adoration seeping into his bones and he swayed with his lover - almost like unconsciously moving to music that wasn't there. "I'd do anything for you, " and he didn't feel ashamed saying it. "Anything. I mean that Tolli."
Then there it was, the mention of Fritz and another confession that meant very many things: yes, he was not Fritz. "Cause you are, " he murmured, tilting his head so he could bury his face in his lover's beautiful, vibrant hair. "I don't know him that well, but - everythin' I saw about you two is different. The way you sit. The way you smile. The way you look at people, " and his nose wrinkled in a distasteful way as he spat out, quite distastefully, "Mr. Hitchcock." Don't ever call him that Tolli, please, for the love of everything.
"I need you too - not him - " Definitely not. " - not anybody else."
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Posted: Fri Aug 14, 2015 9:43 pm
He wasn't afraid of falling. He knew Hitch would catch him if he slipped, and the swaying didn't scare him, only soothed him, Tolliver holding on and trusting him entirely. He felt Hitch's words sinking into him like warm, gentle water against his heart, and Tolliver turned his head, pressed a kiss to Hitch's ear.
He couldn't say it. It was there, on the tip of his tongue, right there, but he couldn't say it, Tolliver swallowing it down, pressing it back into his chest for later. He would find the right moment to say it, even though he knew it had already started growing in his heart, steady and strong and burning and so completely wonderful. It was precious to him, Hitch was precious to him.
He was not Fritz. He was Tolliver, nothing more, nothing less. He was not his brother, and never would be, and Hitch wanted him for who he was, not who he wasn't, and that made all the difference in the world.
Tolliver's nose nuzzled into Hitch's hair, mimicking what Hitch was doing to him, tingling sensations ebbing up and down his spine, his chest. "I love your smile," he said softly, and he was smiling himself as he pulled back enough to look at his lover, fingers trailing tenderly down his jaw. "And your eyes. And your face, and your heart, and...and the way you look at me."
His face flushed, heartbeat increasing.
"You look at me and I just want to melt into you," Tolliver whispered.
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Posted: Sat Aug 15, 2015 5:37 am
Those lips on his ear, ugh, damnit - it was meant as a simple little token of affection, he knew that, but it didn't feel like that. Hitch shivered and rumbled a sound that was equal parts demanding and pleading, no words needed. His inhibitions were low enough that it was basically impossible to bite it back, and maybe low enough that he didn't want to.
Logan didn't believe he was gorgeous, far from it - but Tolliver didn't use gorgeous. Or handsome. Not even sexy. No, he found a mother ******** loophole beneath Logan's walls, coiling beneath his fractured and ruined sense of self-worth: he said he loved them. And somehow that made a ******** world of difference, and somehow, no matter how hard the darkest parts of his tried to diffuse it and break it down into a half-truth or something that it wasn't, he couldn't. God help him, he ******** believed him.
He wanted to say something back - something meaningful and profound. Something to draw the praise back to Tolliver and send him back into a blushing fit where he could dote on him and love him like he deserved. But he was taken aback. He was ******** tongue-tied, and everything ******** betrayed him: those same eyes, those same lips, that same heart. The ******** way he looked at Tolliver. His cheeks burned and for a second, it almost really did feel like time just up and stopped.
Then, he decided to give Tolliver what he asked for; he kissed him, clutching him tighter still in his arms, leaning against the wall to clumsily kick off his shoes. He wanted to melt into him? - yeah. That was something he could do. Actions spoke louder than words ever would anyway.
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Posted: Sat Aug 15, 2015 7:33 am
He was starting to slowly realize just how little Hitch thought of himself; how every time Tolliver complimented him, he either deflected it or turned it back to Tolliver with a smile and a kiss. How he seemed to think there was not much worthwhile about him, and Tolliver couldn't quite understand it because Hitch was everything. He was kind and caring, with a huge heart that held so many emotions inside of it. His endless patience directed at Tolliver, his desire to protect, the way he seemed to know exactly what to say and do to make Tolliver feel better - it was an endless sort of comfort and warmth to Tolliver, something he'd grown accustomed to, something he needed more than anything else in the world.
He was a terrible liar, and awkward at speaking, which meant that everything he said was the absolute truth, with no hidden motives behind them.
Tolliver felt as though the air in his lungs had dissipated, because all he could see was Hitch, and that burning look of adoration and need in his eyes, and it was almost overwhelming to him, Tolliver swallowing hard, throat feeling dry. His fingers were trembling against Hitch's face, and for some reason, he felt strangely vulnerable, like things were changing, shifting somehow, into something deeper and more meaningful.
And when Hitch kissed him, Tolliver's eyes fluttered shut and he gave a soft whimper of surprise and pleasure mingled together, hands cradling Hitch's face as they moved back, Tolliver not even noticing what Hitch was doing with his shoes, only what he was doing with his arms, with his arms tight against him.
"Logan," Tolliver breathed out, voice trembling, and he surged forward again to kiss him, and the plastic bag of bourbon on his arm swung, entirely forgotten.
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Posted: Sat Aug 15, 2015 7:54 am
Hitch groaned audibly when Tolliver said his name, half-stumbling towards the mattress that was their bed. Somewhere along the way he dropped the bag of food, which fell to the ground with a heavy rustle of plastic. Tolliver was right to feel what he did, because it was different. They were together now. They'd decided on their own terms to become something more than they were, and Tolliver, he'd done something to him, he'd --
He leaned down and dropped Tolliver onto the bed, falling heavily after him to loom over him, an arm on either side of his boyfriend's head as he stared down at him - intensely, expecting, more of all needing. "Do it." He leaned down and nipped his lover's neck sharply, soothing it with a swipe of his tongue. "Melt into me, " if Tolliver had already forgotten; Hitch hadn't.
He reached down with one hand to tug the collar of his shirt down a little, biting him there again - and again, soothing it with his tongue, only this time he used his lips too, almost as though he were kissing it better in the most sensual way he could. "An' stay there, " and he pulled back again, this time inches away as he hovered just over Tolliver's face, their noses millimeters apart. "Stay."
It wasn't even - it wasn't specifically a ploy for sex. It was a demand (a plea?) for closeness. Sex was one end to that, yes, but not the whole of it. He wanted every kind. He wanted Tolliver. He needed Tolliver.
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Posted: Sat Aug 15, 2015 8:09 am
He let out a little gasp that was muffled against Hitch's lips as he fell back onto the bed, Tolliver barely having a second to realize where they were going, and he was shaking all over, his nerves fraying. The bag with the bourbon was still twisted around his arm, but Tolliver wasn't thinking about it, because he was staring up at his lover, his boyfriend, all of the breath completely knocked out of him. He couldn't even really handle the intensity of that gaze; it felt like it was burning into him.
The first do it confused him, Tolliver's brows drawing together; Hitch's sharp bite drew a soft cry from him, fingers clutching Hitch's shoulders, digging in. But then it became clear what he was talking about, and Tolliver couldn't gather his thoughts together, shifting restlessly beneath him, the second n** and kiss pulling another whine from his dry throat.
He was suffocating, drowning in his emotions, in everything he felt. Hitch's face was barely a scant inch apart from him, and even if he'd wanted to, Tolliver couldn't think of a single thing he'd say except yes. Yes, he was going to stay there, stay here with Hitch, utterly and completely.
I love you.
It burned into his head, his heart, repeated silently over and over again, and he hoped desperately that Hitch felt it in every touch of his hands, tasted it on his tongue, read it in the looks of adoration that Tolliver seemed incapable of stopping. He couldn't get it out of his head, but he also couldn't say it yet either, and it was there, and it was everything.
"Keep me," Tolliver managed to get out, and his voice was raw and hoarse, barely above a whisper. "Everything I am is yours."
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Posted: Sat Aug 15, 2015 8:34 am
The intensity of Hitch's eyes didn't diminish; if anything, it just grew warmer, deeper, and stronger than ever, just the barest hint of a smile on his lips. He shifted again, pressing the lengths of their bodies flush together with a low, pleased sigh. Not being able to feel him, all of him skin to skin, was almost suffocating, but... this would do, just for this moment, just this one thing...
He slid his hands down along Tolliver's arms, untangling him from the bottle of bourbon at last, then taking his lover's hands by the wrists and coaxing them to wrap around him. His face eased closer, nuzzling in against his ear to utter one word softly, but no less possessively: "Mine."
(And maybe those stupid, idealistic, far off thoughts of holidays spent by someone's side didn't seem so far off anymore. - Logan really was a romantic at heart, but survival necessitated a realist, not a dreamer.)
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Posted: Sat Aug 15, 2015 8:55 am
Tolliver's eyes fluttered as Hitch shifted, a little catch in his throat making him tilt his head back slightly and swallow hard. He still felt restless, fingers digging into Hitch's shoulders until they were pulled away, and he almost whined in protest until he felt the bag being untangled. The circulation came back into his arm, and he slid them obediently, tentatively around Hitch's neck.
The possessive whisper against his ear drew a quiet whimper from Tolliver, one of agreement and need, and he buried his fingers into Hitch's hair, pressing himself close, and even just holding him like this was what he needed, in spite of everything wanting more. He clung to his lover, breathed out a soft kiss to his cheek, and then pressed the side of his face against Hitch's.
"Mine," he whispered, just as softly, and just as possessively. "All mine, and all yours."
And then he kissed him, because it was obvious what they both wanted, what they both needed right now, his fingers tugging at Hitch's shirt, and Tolliver was falling, head over heels - and dizzily, wonderfully, he thought distantly, it had been the best date of his life.
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