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Eulalia Danae
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 29, 2010 5:24 pm


Oh sad day. I'm going to miss you T00L. We'll have to make sure to game and stuff on Xbox, and in general keep in touch.
PostPosted: Sun Feb 14, 2010 5:43 pm


Eulalia Danae
o.O is that a sex joke that I am just not getting?

Fertile Crescent = birthplace of mankind = 'perfect' climate for humans. Therefore, it follows directly that because there is not much of a winter there, humans are not particularly well-suited to winter temperatures and weather. It's why we invented clothing, after all... but clothing only helps, it is not a complete fix. Therefore, your inability to function as well in the cold/winter may or may not have something to do with the lack of winter in the Fertile Crescent.

I'm not good enough at sex jokes, nor inclined towards that kind of humor often enough, to be making such innuendos.


EDIT: This is AC... I'm just avoiding my main for a while. Got into a fight with someone and haven't figured out the mature and responsible way to handle it yet. May or may not be going inactive on Gaia... not quitting, 'cause I still have plans to make stuff into a book series, but it's been a long, long time since I've been up for rping (as you know), and that's the only reason I came to the site in the first place.

Acelr


Eulalia Danae
Captain

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PostPosted: Thu Feb 18, 2010 1:06 pm


Aw. Sorry to hear you got in a fight. =(

And it's usually people who aren't inclined to that sort of humor which tend to surprise me with subtle or sudden sex jokes. Then again...that's what I do to people, so I suppose it's only fair.
PostPosted: Fri Feb 19, 2010 1:29 pm


I kinda finished my book. If anyone wants to read it, here's the link.

gaialoverlawl.deviantart.com

It's called A Clear Night. My first foray into writing, as you can tell, and the style I used is quite uncommon. Third person present tense. It was awkward at first, but I got used to it. I'm on a Fable fanfic now, but I might abandon it for a Mass Effect one. Dunno, kinda a toss-up. Let me know what you think!

BallistaTengaki

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ArynChris

PostPosted: Sun Feb 21, 2010 2:14 am


Skulblaka Sol Makina
I kinda finished my book. If anyone wants to read it, here's the link.

gaialoverlawl.deviantart.com

It's called A Clear Night. My first foray into writing, as you can tell, and the style I used is quite uncommon. Third person present tense. It was awkward at first, but I got used to it. I'm on a Fable fanfic now, but I might abandon it for a Mass Effect one. Dunno, kinda a toss-up. Let me know what you think!

Not too bad... I think there's a problem with the flow of it, though. One of the first things I noticed is that you cut from action to physical descriptions and histories without a transition or starting a new paragraph. Makes it tougher to follow the story.

Another thing you might try is filling it out a bit more... over write before you under write, because it's always easier to chop out unnecessary lines than it is to fill in a skeleton.

Part 6 = Part 9
Part 7 = Part 10
Part 8 = Part 11
(unintentional re-submission of these three parts)

After these parts, the writing gets a lot better, in that it's more absorbing. Still think scenes should be fleshed out a lot more, but it's better. Transitions between times of day could use some work--spacing or *** lines or something. Sometimes a conversation doesn't make sense, like a question is asked and the person doesn't seem to hear it, or seems to answer a totally different question.

I think you skip around a lot more than you should... I'd like to know what happened with the Zoma, and who died, what happened, but you cut straight from the decision to go in to the consequences, and then Zenith seems to be complaining about her own personal lot and slapping Lotus... only, Lotus didn't deserve that and it doesn't make sense for Zenith to be in the right there, because Lotus had the moral high ground over Zenith.

There are points where you switch to and from past and present tense.

Ending is kinda weird. 0.o Not sure what to think... you cover way too much time with this in way too little detail. Kinda confusing, all told.
PostPosted: Sun Feb 21, 2010 11:41 am


ArynChris
Skulblaka Sol Makina
I kinda finished my book. If anyone wants to read it, here's the link.

gaialoverlawl.deviantart.com

It's called A Clear Night. My first foray into writing, as you can tell, and the style I used is quite uncommon. Third person present tense. It was awkward at first, but I got used to it. I'm on a Fable fanfic now, but I might abandon it for a Mass Effect one. Dunno, kinda a toss-up. Let me know what you think!

Not too bad... I think there's a problem with the flow of it, though. One of the first things I noticed is that you cut from action to physical descriptions and histories without a transition or starting a new paragraph. Makes it tougher to follow the story.

Another thing you might try is filling it out a bit more... over write before you under write, because it's always easier to chop out unnecessary lines than it is to fill in a skeleton.

Part 6 = Part 9
Part 7 = Part 10
Part 8 = Part 11
(unintentional re-submission of these three parts)

After these parts, the writing gets a lot better, in that it's more absorbing. Still think scenes should be fleshed out a lot more, but it's better. Transitions between times of day could use some work--spacing or *** lines or something. Sometimes a conversation doesn't make sense, like a question is asked and the person doesn't seem to hear it, or seems to answer a totally different question.

I think you skip around a lot more than you should... I'd like to know what happened with the Zoma, and who died, what happened, but you cut straight from the decision to go in to the consequences, and then Zenith seems to be complaining about her own personal lot and slapping Lotus... only, Lotus didn't deserve that and it doesn't make sense for Zenith to be in the right there, because Lotus had the moral high ground over Zenith.

There are points where you switch to and from past and present tense.

Ending is kinda weird. 0.o Not sure what to think... you cover way too much time with this in way too little detail. Kinda confusing, all told.


Yea...I hadn't had a lot of experiance in writing when I wrote this. Thanks for your help.

BallistaTengaki

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ArynChris

PostPosted: Wed Feb 24, 2010 9:04 pm


Sure thing. A lot of it just takes practice. ^^
PostPosted: Sun Apr 04, 2010 11:45 am


Happy Easter, folks. ^^

ArynChris


BallistaTengaki

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 04, 2010 4:03 pm


STARBURST JELLY BEANS!!!!!


.........that's all I have to say about that. sweatdrop
PostPosted: Sun Apr 04, 2010 4:07 pm


I cannot help you eat your jelly beans, but you may partake of my fresh strawberries. XD

ArynChris


BallistaTengaki

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 04, 2010 4:09 pm


NOM NOM NOM!!! 3nodding
PostPosted: Tue Apr 13, 2010 10:45 pm


My PMs are broken. Happy Birthday to the older Jess. ninja

ArynChris


BallistaTengaki

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PostPosted: Wed May 12, 2010 3:15 pm


I have tried to set up my RP in like 6 differant guilds and all of them either never took off or the guild just erased it due to lack of activity. I'm convinced I just wrote it wrong, so if anyone wants to critique or tell me what I did wrong and what I can add, feel free.

Here's a link to the guild threads.
1.[link to characters]
2.[link to RP]
PostPosted: Mon May 31, 2010 3:36 pm


One must be a member of those guilds to view those threads, sadly. Got a copy that isn't in a Hidden guild, by chance?

*eats people*

ArynChris


BallistaTengaki

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PostPosted: Tue Jun 01, 2010 1:28 pm


Nope. I do, however, Have a better link for you.

Das Link
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