|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Sat Nov 26, 2005 11:54 am
((I adjusted him slightly so hopefully this is better. The system I'm using for his special abilities, Magna Carta, is real. As well as the eight facets of the chi used. ^.^;; I may need to say which chi are controlled by which personality, so that's the only major detail I can think of off the top of my head ^_^ Enjoy again.
Name: Mano Locke
Age: 18
Alignment: Unknown/Dependent upon internal circumstances to be explained later in detail
Special Abilities: Dependent upon his personality that is controlling him at the time, Mano, has a powerful hold over a couple chi areas, or elements if you wish to use that term. There is Mountain, Water, Air, Heavenly, Fire, Ice, Lightning, and Earth. Each has their own abilities, and when all are mastered a person has the capacity to unlock the ultimate power of Magna Carta though still may not be able to do this.((Not just stolen from the game mind you but actually researched ^_~)) This is a power that is not usable by Mano except in his hidden fourth personality. In other words, he can't use it unless he is about to die or something other that strikes a heavy nerve. His special ability is not only the usage of chi, but the fourth personality that can use Magna Carta. He doesn't know about that person and doesn't even understand that persona, but he does know that sometimes if he's near death or something emotional of that nature occurs, something happens afterwards. But luckily, nobody dies, at least they haven't yet.
Appearance: Mano was never a person who liked to stand out and being born into poverty probably wouldn't have helped into that department. He wears hand me down dress shirts at various charities, such as Goodwill. This causes the shirts to be a bit old looking, but he doesn't mind as he has clothes. He wears these shirts buttoned up and is careful with them, since he only has a few. Mano normally dons a pair of jeans, being one who grew up poor and so bought older clothes rather then new. He owns about three pairs of shoes for the sole purpose of wearing each out slower.
Mano wields a set of hazel eyes, and a head of light brown hair. His hair is short, normally cut by himself as he finds it hard to afford a barber. Mano stands at about 5 feet 11 inches and weighs probably around 150 pounds. Despite this seemingly lack of weight, he holds a decent set of muscles enough to defend himself. His skin is slightly olive tinted. Mano rarely carries a bookbag that has books in it. Normally slung over one shoulder it carries a few knick knacks, but nothing school related past maybe a few pens and pencils.
Personality: Mano is, to put it plainly, unpredictable. He doesn't seem to have much of a purpose for the things he does, at least when viewed from the surface. Before the 'eruptions' he was a 'normal' child. He played games even if he didn't like his siblings and participated in his after-school activity. But after he erupted, he became reclusive, self-confiding, schizophrenic, and bipolar. He didn't change immediately, but the shifts did occur, and they altered him drastically. He changes personalities often, and though he knows about who they are and what they do, he can't control them. There are only about 3 personalities outside of the host, Mano, that are able to be identified.
One is a Suffra feeling that the powers Mano possesses are used for the good of people everywhere. This persona, called Jade, is a very defensive and protective identity that wants to help anyone that it comes in contact with, even enemies. The next is a Paradigm named Tenasha. This personality has the desire of power. It feels that everything that hadn't erupted, should worship him as a god. Very prideful, but very powerful. More powerful then Mano and far over Jade, but he's in more of a rage. The third is a neutral bystander named Drothis who will act to save himself, but doesn't care what people think of him;(?) nor does he really care for them. His desire is to stay alive, if he kills the erupted it's a pity, if he kills the unerupted simply another pity. The fourth personality is an unknown personality. It has only shown up a limited number of times, and in special situations at that. It seems that this persona is like Jade, but stricter. It will not stand down and only defend, but that does not mean that it has ever killed anyone. Name is unknown, as Mano isn't aware of the fourth personality's existence. The name it has called itself to the few that remember the event is Calintz. Only one or two doctors understand truly why the schizophrenia popped up, but would tell no one as per medical laws and their own morals. He didn't want anyone to know, nor did he want them to see it. Hence the reclusive and anti-social tendencies.
Despite all of these reclusive tendencies, he does wish somebody could understand, or could help him. He doesn't want to deal with what he has been and hopes to find someone, or something that will make him alright. Not quite an 'emo' per say, just a kid with problems that tries to deal with said problems, in the wrong way.
Sexual Orientation: Varies dependent upon internal circumstances, normally is Heterosexual.
History: Mano was born into poverty. Raised in poverty, and has only seen the rich from a distance. His family had enough money to send the children to school, feed them pitiful meals, and let them attend one activity outside of school, granted it wasn't expensive. He hated every moment of it and despised all in his family except his mother. The welfare system had helped his family for many years, but with the number of his older siblings being in the teen's, he was left behind. Mano was the youngest of 17 children, and each hated him for being 'mommy's little boy.' The family lived in a shack, with his father lounging around all day, and his mother going from job to job trying to get the next meal together so they could eventually stop relying on welfare. Mano chose an activity hoping to stay away from those disgusting beasts in his home for as long as possible. He enrolled in a very cheap class to teach about far eastern techniques. It was a small class and the teacher, though knowing much, was desperate for students and so lowered his price for admission.
The class taught Mano about Chi, and how it is the energy, or elements, of everything. If there is a certain type of Chi missing from the air, then a person would not be able to enact an attack, or other things. Normal functions such as running and raw hitting strength were still there, but nothing near as powerful as what this man taught. Mano devoted himself to learning this life. Maybe for the need of something more than his family, or it could be that he believed it. Unknown to him, this would change his entire life soon after he turned 16 having gotten a strong hold over all of the chi, but not a master quite yet.
Mano was walking home one day and he saw a man run past towards a car. He had a bag full of something, it also had the nearby bank's name on it. The mask on his face and the general looks of him made Mano realize that he had to do something. He sprinted after the man, using Earth chi to give him strength. As he caught up he pulled out his play sword and hit the man. Stunned the man looked back at the boy and turned shooting him in the chest. Luckily it would barely miss his vitals. But the shock knocked him back and he hit the ground. His head would make a sickingly loud crack as it hit the ground. He lay there for a moment before his eyes shot open. The robber was still looking down at the kid he had just shot. Obviously, this man wasn't ready to shoot a kid. As 'Mano' stood back up his eyes narrowed and he was moving, something of an aura surrounding him. His sword in his hands and the aura spreading to around that as well.
The sword came up and hit the man hard. He let both the weapon, and the bag go, as he was now unable to breath. 'Mano' stared down at the man with that glow around him. His breathing calm as the man whimpered. Then 'Mano' spoke, "I am Calintz, the one who protects and gives. You are warned." Then this person who called himself Calintz began to walk away, and about 10 feet from his home he would collapse as Calintz had given way to Mano. The police had found the man soon after the boy had walked away, but none knew who this man that the robber kept speaking of was.
In that same day his mind 'separated' to form the schizophrenia that the doctors saw. His mother saw him floundering around and took him to see a doctor. Of course they couldn't afford a normal one and so he was at a free clinic. After many doctors and tests, he was allowed into an exceptional hospital to study him. It was there his mental disruptions were discovered, but unrevealed to anyone except for patient and mother.
Mano continued only a little while longer in the same after-school activity being labeled as a freak and a 'Nova.' His master saw something else though, and despite all his better judgement he went to speak with him. The master told Mano about his powers and how he would have to continue learning no matter what. He gave Mano a real sword that day, different from any normal one, as well as a practice one. This is what he said, "Mano, do not use that sword. It will be used when the time is right. Till then, only use your hands, feet, and that practice sword. You are to not kill people, for that is not the way. Understand and go on your way to discover more.
He was disjointed and couldn't understand his powers or mind at first. He then heard about the other 'Novas' from the television, the doctors, and the letter a doctor sent him. So Mano decided he should check out this so called Academy for himself; it would be interesting to find out what could be done about his abnormal powers, and condition.
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Nov 26, 2005 1:07 pm
I just had to interject something.
Schizophrenia and multiple personalities are two different things.
Schizophrenia is a loss of touch with reality, having delusions and hallucinations, loss or severe change of affect (display of emotion), and paranoia.
What you're looking for with "split personalities" is called "Dissociative Identity Disorder."
It's a common misconception... just wanted to clear it up.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Nov 26, 2005 1:24 pm
They make a demensional pocket and step into it? No one can see that demension, so they're invisible.
But I'm not too sure if that's what happens. ^^;;
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Nov 27, 2005 3:44 am
I used to be a better roleplayer, until recently my skills have been slipping lately. So I'd like you to rate one of my roleplay's plots.
The land of Tarania consists of three nations. The Northernmost Republic of technology is Mondiale. In the midst of tall mountains, the city is full of factories, creating many machines for making life easier. The city is also teeming with knowledge of many sorts, lead by the president, Isaac Grandbourgh. To the Eastern region of Tarania, surrounded by forests and swamps, is Khageea, the Theocracy of magic. Khageea is a serene forested city, home to evokers, practitioners of the arcane. The people of Khageea are experts at many forms of magic, as they use magic to deepen their devotion to the gods. They are lead by their leader, Tzee Leires VII. She is believed to be the reincarnation of the greatest of their gods. Lastly, is the Kingdom of Eros, lead by their king, Triose. Eros has the best army force in all of Tarania. Surrounded by the Eternal Steppe, Eros is a beautiful flourishing Kingdom with incredibly high population density. It has amazing development and the best government in the land. This was when Tarania was at peace, known as the Era of Tranquility.
Once at peace, conflict begun to stir between the three nations. The Era of Tranquility fell into darkness as eventually, they broke out into an all-out War over the various conflicts. Many had died and once the war came to an end with no decidable victors, demons were released across Tarania to cause even more death and widespread destruction, depleting the numbers of survivors. As the numbers dwindled, the nations became less hopeful until three warriors rose from the three nations. The Era of Sorrows was coming to an end.
From Mondiale rose the spearman, Peter Ivalis. Peter was a low class knight sent to the western lands to battle the demons. He was the only survivor of his battle. However, he got lost in the woodlands in the central region. From Khageea was the healer, Saint Zhaa Jana the Pure hearted. She was the highest priestess in Khageea's grand temple and attendant of Tzee Leires VII. She found Peter, wounded in the forest and used her divine magic to heal him to perfect health. They traversed Tarania as a duo for a few weeks. From the Kingdom of Eros was Dagero, the Paladin. His powerful sword had put many monsters to death and brigands to justice. He was sent with a troop of soldiers who had shown great promise in power. After destroying demonic armies, his troop had disbanded. Not too long after, he had met with the traveling duo of Peter Ivalis and Zhaa Jana. The teamed up and became a powerful trio, as Dagero acted as a drill sergeant, teaching Peter the way of the spear and Zhaa Jana the way of the bow. The three went to face the Demon Lord. With Peter's strength, Zhaa Jana's virtue, and Dagero's valor, they overcame the Demon Lord and banished him to Hell. This is known as the Era of Salvation.
One hundred years later, Mondiale has the President Zachary Sander, Khageea's lead by Tzee Leires VIII, as Eros is lead by King Tabotias. The Demons are beginning to develope conquest over Tarania once again. As it turns out the Demons have a new leader, who is using magic as an attempt to revive the Demon's Lord. And so, the demons are rising in power... As their leader is rising from the grave. This was the start of the Era of Risen Hell...
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Nov 27, 2005 8:30 am
Chaos Sakura ((I adjusted him slightly so hopefully this is better. The system I'm using for his special abilities, Magna Carta, is real. As well as the eight facets of the chi used. ^.^;; I may need to say which chi are controlled by which personality, so that's the only major detail I can think of off the top of my head ^_^ Enjoy again. Name: Mano Locke Age: 18 Alignment: Unknown/Dependent upon internal circumstances to be explained later in detail Special Abilities: Dependent upon his personality that is controlling him at the time, Mano, has a powerful hold over a couple chi areas, or elements if you wish to use that term. There is Mountain, Water, Air, Heavenly, Fire, Ice, Lightning, and Earth. Each has their own abilities, and when all are mastered a person has the capacity to unlock the ultimate power of Magna Carta though still may not be able to do this.((Not just stolen from the game mind you but actually researched ^_~)) This is a power that is not usable by Mano except in his hidden fourth personality. In other words, he can't use it unless he is about to die or something other that strikes a heavy nerve. His special ability is not only the usage of chi, but the fourth personality that can use Magna Carta. He doesn't know about that person and doesn't even understand that persona, but he does know that sometimes if he's near death or something emotional of that nature occurs, something happens afterwards. But luckily, nobody dies, at least they haven't yet. Appearance: Mano was never a person who liked to stand out and being born into poverty probably wouldn't have helped into that department. He wears hand me down dress shirts at various charities, such as Goodwill. This causes the shirts to be a bit old looking, but he doesn't mind as he has clothes. He wears these shirts buttoned up and is careful with them, since he only has a few. Mano normally dons a pair of jeans, being one who grew up poor and so bought older clothes rather then new. He owns about three pairs of shoes for the sole purpose of wearing each out slower. Mano wields a set of hazel eyes, and a head of light brown hair. His hair is short, normally cut by himself as he finds it hard to afford a barber. Mano stands at about 5 feet 11 inches and weighs probably around 150 pounds. Despite this seemingly lack of weight, he holds a decent set of muscles enough to defend himself. His skin is slightly olive tinted. Mano rarely carries a bookbag that has books in it. Normally slung over one shoulder it carries a few knick knacks, but nothing school related past maybe a few pens and pencils. Personality: Mano is, to put it plainly, unpredictable. He doesn't seem to have much of a purpose for the things he does, at least when viewed from the surface. Before the 'eruptions' he was a 'normal' child. He played games even if he didn't like his siblings and participated in his after-school activity. But after he erupted, he became reclusive, self-confiding, schizophrenic, and bipolar. He didn't change immediately, but the shifts did occur, and they altered him drastically. He changes personalities often, and though he knows about who they are and what they do, he can't control them. There are only about 3 personalities outside of the host, Mano, that are able to be identified. One is a Suffra feeling that the powers Mano possesses are used for the good of people everywhere. This persona, called Jade, is a very defensive and protective identity that wants to help anyone that it comes in contact with, even enemies. The next is a Paradigm named Tenasha. This personality has the desire of power. It feels that everything that hadn't erupted, should worship him as a god. Very prideful, but very powerful. More powerful then Mano and far over Jade, but he's in more of a rage. The third is a neutral bystander named Drothis who will act to save himself, but doesn't care what people think of him;(?) nor does he really care for them. His desire is to stay alive, if he kills the erupted it's a pity, if he kills the unerupted simply another pity. The fourth personality is an unknown personality. It has only shown up a limited number of times, and in special situations at that. It seems that this persona is like Jade, but stricter. It will not stand down and only defend, but that does not mean that it has ever killed anyone. Name is unknown, as Mano isn't aware of the fourth personality's existence. The name it has called itself to the few that remember the event is Calintz. Only one or two doctors understand truly why the schizophrenia popped up, but would tell no one as per medical laws and their own morals. He didn't want anyone to know, nor did he want them to see it. Hence the reclusive and anti-social tendencies. Despite all of these reclusive tendencies, he does wish somebody could understand, or could help him. He doesn't want to deal with what he has been and hopes to find someone, or something that will make him alright. Not quite an 'emo' per say, just a kid with problems that tries to deal with said problems, in the wrong way. Sexual Orientation: Varies dependent upon internal circumstances, normally is Heterosexual. History: Mano was born into poverty. Raised in poverty, and has only seen the rich from a distance. His family had enough money to send the children to school, feed them pitiful meals, and let them attend one activity outside of school, granted it wasn't expensive. He hated every moment of it and despised all in his family except his mother. The welfare system had helped his family for many years, but with the number of his older siblings being in the teen's, he was left behind. Mano was the youngest of 17 children, and each hated him for being 'mommy's little boy.' The family lived in a shack, with his father lounging around all day, and his mother going from job to job trying to get the next meal together so they could eventually stop relying on welfare. Mano chose an activity hoping to stay away from those disgusting beasts in his home for as long as possible. He enrolled in a very cheap class to teach about far eastern techniques. It was a small class and the teacher, though knowing much, was desperate for students and so lowered his price for admission. The class taught Mano about Chi, and how it is the energy, or elements, of everything. If there is a certain type of Chi missing from the air, then a person would not be able to enact an attack, or other things. Normal functions such as running and raw hitting strength were still there, but nothing near as powerful as what this man taught. Mano devoted himself to learning this life. Maybe for the need of something more than his family, or it could be that he believed it. Unknown to him, this would change his entire life soon after he turned 16 having gotten a strong hold over all of the chi, but not a master quite yet. Mano was walking home one day and he saw a man run past towards a car. He had a bag full of something, it also had the nearby bank's name on it. The mask on his face and the general looks of him made Mano realize that he had to do something. He sprinted after the man, using Earth chi to give him strength. As he caught up he pulled out his play sword and hit the man. Stunned the man looked back at the boy and turned shooting him in the chest. Luckily it would barely miss his vitals. But the shock knocked him back and he hit the ground. His head would make a sickingly loud crack as it hit the ground. He lay there for a moment before his eyes shot open. The robber was still looking down at the kid he had just shot. Obviously, this man wasn't ready to shoot a kid. As 'Mano' stood back up his eyes narrowed and he was moving, something of an aura surrounding him. His sword in his hands and the aura spreading to around that as well. The sword came up and hit the man hard. He let both the weapon, and the bag go, as he was now unable to breath. 'Mano' stared down at the man with that glow around him. His breathing calm as the man whimpered. Then 'Mano' spoke, "I am Calintz, the one who protects and gives. You are warned." Then this person who called himself Calintz began to walk away, and about 10 feet from his home he would collapse as Calintz had given way to Mano. The police had found the man soon after the boy had walked away, but none knew who this man that the robber kept speaking of was. In that same day his mind 'separated' to form the schizophrenia that the doctors saw. His mother saw him floundering around and took him to see a doctor. Of course they couldn't afford a normal one and so he was at a free clinic. After many doctors and tests, he was allowed into an exceptional hospital to study him. It was there his mental disruptions were discovered, but unrevealed to anyone except for patient and mother. Mano continued only a little while longer in the same after-school activity being labeled as a freak and a 'Nova.' His master saw something else though, and despite all his better judgement he went to speak with him. The master told Mano about his powers and how he would have to continue learning no matter what. He gave Mano a real sword that day, different from any normal one, as well as a practice one. This is what he said, "Mano, do not use that sword. It will be used when the time is right. Till then, only use your hands, feet, and that practice sword. You are to not kill people, for that is not the way. Understand and go on your way to discover more. He was disjointed and couldn't understand his powers or mind at first. He then heard about the other 'Novas' from the television, the doctors, and the letter a doctor sent him. So Mano decided he should check out this so called Academy for himself; it would be interesting to find out what could be done about his abnormal powers, and condition. Question... this isn't for Galvan right? What roleplay is it for?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Nov 27, 2005 10:59 am
It was going to be for Galvan but if you don't like it then i suppose it isn't.
And referring to the schizophrenia pointing out I saw my mistake. But Dissociative Identity Disorder is something else. There are only a few cases of this disorder and it's unknown if it is even real. Multiple personalities is different from schizophrenia, but a person normally realizes what they do and more. But that's an extensive subject that I've gone over in psych but don't feel like typing it all out with just one hand. ^_^ I do need to adjust that. But he simply would have multiple personalities since he does see what he's doing in other forms, but simply can't control it. It goes deeper then that, but yeah ^_^
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Nov 27, 2005 11:06 am
'kay. I'm going to take this slow. First problem. He never had an eruption, he learned how to control chi and has a split personality who might be a nova. He's not.
When going about applying for Galvan, just think back to all the comic books you know about for abilities. Super strength, super sight, manipulation of fire, etc. Generally bringing martial arts (it's the best term I can come up with at the moment for the manipulation of chi) in as the power. It can be enhanced by the power. Like if a kickboxer got super strength, but it's not the power itself. It's not the power to kickbox.
I really hoped that helps somewhat. ^ ^;;;
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Nov 27, 2005 4:55 pm
I just wanted to let you know that I posted something on the past page in case you missed it. If you didn't miss it, then I don't mean to be rude or impatient. Its just that it was the last post on that page, so it could be easily overlooked.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Nov 28, 2005 2:05 pm
Pandali Alright, this is a roleplay that my friend and I created. Its just a rough sketch and I'm not sure if she's going to end up running it with me or not, but I was wondering what you think. Quote: NEW ISLAND HAS BEEN FOUND! The island, which has yet to be named, is covered in sandy beaches and lush jungle. At the center, a large volcano looms which is believed to be dormant. Several competitors have been chosen to compete to be chief of the island! Being chief includes naming the island and ownership, but they also have the duty to care for the island and its rare inhabitants, as well as to discover how they can be used to help progress the world. The competitors will be given a set of tests to complete and will earn points for how well they complete them. Whoever earns the most points becomes CHIEF of the Island. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Alright, that's the summary. Myself (Pandali) and Vanessa_Antonia_Dupree will run the competition and decide the points. We're going to try to keep it structured and each challenge will be limited to a certain amount of days on the island so that it doesn't get carried away. We will take up to 12 competitors. Each challenge will be set when the one before has been finished. There will be a total of 6 challenges. The points will be between 1 and ten, the winner of each challenge always gets 10 and there could be several people with the same score. Rules and Applications are below. Please PM all applications (you must include everything): Gaia name: name: (full name please) gender: age: (please be relative, nothing below 25 or above 55) Profession: bio/history: (be descriptive! why where you chosen? who were you before?) Appearance: (no pictures, once again, be descriptive) *: (if you read everything, you know what this is) Rules: 1. Follow TOS and Guild rules. 2. That means NO god-modding 3. Please keep it pg-13 4. Anything Pandali or Vanessa says goes 5. Post "sporks are duh coolies" in your application, please enter this next to the star 6. Each post should be at least 5 sentences 7. Have FUN! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Challenges: 1. Get into partners and have 3 days to build a shelter and find edible food with the least harm to the island possible 2.Race to the top of the volcano, first one there wins. 3. Map a part of the island from the ground with a partner. 4. Assigned an animal group, find a group of that animal, id it, and track it and take notes for 2 days. Done with partners. 5. Comb the beach, try to find most valuable item. 6. Given lab kits, discover something of value on the island. Option of working in groups or alone No, I didn't forget, I just haven't had time... I'm going to fix a few grammar things here; what you've got concept-wise works, but I'm going to suggest some things you could add if you like... Later edit: Okay, Chaos Sakura is no longer in need of further editing at the moment, so A Someone is next on the list... I'm not sure if I'll be able to finish that during the school week or if it'll get pushed to the weekend. In other news, if I have a few minutes to put a few finishing touches on one of my own profiles I've been working on, I'll be able to post it here tonight and give the rest of you something to do ^^. The island, which has yet to be named, is covered in sandy beaches and lush jungle. At the center, a large volcano looms which is believed to be dormant. It isn't technically necessary, but you could probably expand this description to a good paragraph... Being chief includes naming the island and ownership, but they also have the duty to care for the island and its rare inhabitants, as well as to discover how they can be used to help progress the world. Kudos for using the right its. This sentence is a little strange though--I think your main issue is this thing called 'parallel structure' (more or less using the same grammatical structure when talking about the same kinds of things within the same sentence). Here's a way to make it better: Being chief of the island includes naming the island and [insert -ing phrase like "owning it"], but the winner [rather than just saying "they"] is also responsible for caring for the island and its rare inhabitants as well as discovering how they [say something specific like "the island's products" in place of this 'they' too?] can be used to [help progress the world is a little vague, but if you don't want to be any more specific I suppose it's okay] help progress the world. Whoever earns the most points becomes CHIEF of the Island. Unless 'Chief of the Island' is meant to be a full title, island probably shouldn't be capitalized. Alright, that's the summary. Myself (Pandali) and Vanessa_Antonia_Dupree will run the competition and decide the points. We're going to try to keep it structured and each challenge will be limited to a certain amount of days on the island so that it doesn't get carried away. Perhaps "We're going to try to keep it structured by limiting each challenge to a certain [number] of days on the island so that [the game] doesn't [or: won't/can't] get carried away" ? Each challenge will be set [begin?] when the one before has been finished.The points will be between 1 and ten, the winner of each challenge always gets 10 and there could be several people with the same score. That comma needs to be a semi-colon if nothing else, as otherwise you have a comma splice. Here's a way to rephrase it altogether though: "Each team [or: player] will be awarded between one and ten points for [completing] each challenge; the winner [or: winning team/player] [of each challenge] will always recieve ten. (You could add on the 'same score' clause, but since it makes the sentence rather long and rambly it's more efficient to just let it go if it's not utterly necessary.) Note--the 'better' sentence suffers from repeating the phrase 'of each challenge'... 5. Post "sporks are duh coolies" in your application, please enter this next to the star Comma splice again (connecting two full sentences with a too-weak-for-it comma)--replacing the comma with a semi-colon will fix things. 1. Get into partners and have 3 days to build a shelter and find edible food with the least harm to the island possible Perhaps: Get into partners, build a shelter and find edible food in three days with the least harm to the island possible 2.Race to the top of the volcano, first one there wins. Comma-splice-ish. Make't a semi-colon again... 4. Assigned an animal group, find a group of that animal, id it, and track it and take notes for 2 days. Done with partners. A little odd, but since it's not meant to be a full sentence I'll just cut out the extra 'and' for you: Assigned an animal group, find a group of that animal, id it, [the and here was the one that died] track it, and take notes for 2 days. 5. Comb the beach, try to find most valuable item. Comma-splicey. Try: Comb the beach and try to find the most valuable item. Just in general, I would consider more about what motivates the players to actually participate--owning an island is cool, but most people wouldn't want to actually take care of it. Perhaps there's either cash or some valuable commodity on the island involved? Also, who set up this contest? The government? A reality show?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Nov 28, 2005 4:51 pm
*Copies previous words for those who might've missed them*: Okay, Chaos Sakura is no longer in need of further editing at the moment, so A Someone is next on the list... I'm not sure if I'll be able to finish that during the school week or if it'll get pushed to the weekend. In other news, if I have a few minutes to put a few finishing touches on one of my own profiles I've been working on, I'll be able to post it here tonight and give the rest of you something to do ^^.
/And I did manage to finish it, probably to the detriment of my English paper. (I'm feeling vaguely guilty for finishing this rather than getting a start on A Someone's post--selfish, I am...) Notes: This character's personality has gone through several different versions since I started working on her; she may adjust herself again in roleplay, but I think this rendering is fairly close to how she'll end up. I'm also aware that her powers will require some cooperation from my fellow roleplayers; I don't think it'll be unmanageable, though...
Name: Chloe Markson
Age: 14
Alignment: Unknown (more or less 'doesn't care')
Special abilities: Chloe is continuously aware of any and all efforts at lying, deceiving, and otherwise concealing the truth in her presence. The medium involved is not important; lies will reach her through television, books, movies, and even other languages. Deceptions like illusions and words that are technically true but meant to conceal may also pique her awareness. Her level of perception does vary according to her mood and how much attention she's paying her surroundings; though her power has been growing slowly but steadily ever since eruption, subtle and/or small deceptions often still pass under her notice. Note: Chloe is not aware of what the truth actually is--only that a lie is taking place. Her eruption also magnified her own ability to lie; given a few moments for preparation, Chloe could probably deceive even a psychic.
Appearance: Chloe is about five foot three with paleish skin, hazel eyes and just-below-chin-length light brown hair cut into some semblance of a bob. Her face is slightly round and still reminiscent of a child's. The fact that she rarely smiles and her heavier than average eyebrows lend her a more serious look than childhood usually implies, however.
Though not medically overweight, Chloe would not describe her body as particularly attractive. She has yet to develop much of a chest; her hips, on the other hand, are quite thick enough to qualify as 'chunky'. She favors loose-fitting shirts, long sweaters and jackets to downplay her body shape; Chloe is not extremely in tune with fashion, but she does wear decorative scarves, belts and hats (mostly hats) when the mood strikes her.
Personality: As a child, Chloe was friendly, talkative, and enthusiastic about sports but bored and fidgety in school itself. As she matured she grew considerably less open and social, however; for example, rather than attempting to be friends with everyone in her new middle school, Chloe simply stuck with who she already knew from gradeschool. Her enthusiasm about athletics also decreased considerably after a disappointment with the school soccer team; she still physically challenges herself when the mood strikes her but hasn't been on an actual team for a good two years now.
Her eruption sent her personality downhill, however; rather than just being reserved, Chloe gradually became cynical and misanthropic with the knowledge of just how many humans lied on a daily basis. She is also overly straightforward and blunt about what she feels and thinks, perhaps in some kind of compensation for all the lying she senses. When challenged, Chloe tends to get aggressive and ends up in people's faces much more often than she should. She still fidgets often, especially when she's bored or dislikes her surroundings. Her grades have always varied widely according to how much interest she has in the subject, how much she likes the teacher and how much her father bothers her about her grades; however, the post-eruption Chloe is reaching new lows in how little she can care about her education.
Sexual Orientation: Most likely heterosexual. Chloe's had a brief crush or two before but hasn't otherwise tested her sexuality.
History: Chloe's parents divorced when she was three; ever since then she and her brother Aaron (three years older) have lived in the suburbs with their father, a pilot. Their mother, an actress, has floated in and out of the picture over the years, alternately asking for money and, after some particular success, sharing it more generously than necessary. Chloe had a generally normal childhood, characterized by competition with her brother, varied academic success in the local public school, and playing on the community soccer and basketball teams. In fourth grade her teacher, worried over her attitude in school, convinced her dad to have her checked for ADHD; the doctor ended up putting her on several different medications over the next year or so, but as each caused more problems than it solved they eventually dropped the idea. In seventh grade Chloe officially outgrew the community soccer teams; she tried her school's for awhile but disliked her teammates and dropped out a few weeks after practices started. She's tried a few other sports since then but has yet to find the same physical thrill in other exercise.
Chloe's eruption occurred after school one day late in her eight grade year; she was listening to one of her close friends relate a story about one of their fellow students when she realized suddenly that the girl was undoubtedly lying. Unsure of how she knew, Chloe asked the friend whether or not she was sure the story was true; though the girl answered affirmatively, Chloe remained inexplicably certain that the whole story had been somehow concocted. She dismissed the feeling at the time; however, her awareness of lying continued to grow steadily. She finally confronted first her brother and then her father with the issue; though neither believed her at first, by the time her letter arrived Chloe's father was willing to experiment with sending her to Galvan. Chloe was reluctant to try it, however, and in the end was convinced only by her father's promise to let her return home if she wanted so long as she tried it for a few weeks.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Nov 29, 2005 6:51 am
*blinks*
Ummm....
well... you could.... O_O *tries to sounds smart and give her something to edit but can't come up with a single damn thing*
We worked out your powers a bit already. So those powers have my approval... so in other words... DAMMMMMNNNNNN.....
It's FANTASTIC! ^__^
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Nov 30, 2005 3:59 pm
Name: Varko Kearion Age: 19 Alignment: Good (Forgot the name Special Abilities: Dark hand, hand glows black and it increases his attack. May have a side affect, like turn them into a stronger person or they faint. Appearance:  Personality: Hes a happy go easy slacker, till someone tries to hurt some one inocent, or younger than them, he goes and fights that guy. Often makes Lose-Lose situations. (Ex of lose-lose: he hurts me badly, i take him down with me.) Sexual Orientation: Hes helplessly romantic, he can't think strait when a beautiful woman is around. Tries to impress, but often fails to do so. History: Unknown, his powers awakened when he saw a gang war going on and shot his family, his anger erupted, so he charged and hit one of them, his hand glowed back and the guy disentegrated where he stood, the rest had the same fate, his power had weakened since then, but he practiced every day, then he went to live and study in the academy.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Nov 30, 2005 4:44 pm
I'm sorry. I'm going to be very blunt when I answer your application. To be frank it's simply not up to the level necessary to assure me taht you can roleplay at this level. The description of your power was near incomprehensible. I believe i stated quite clearly that i did not want anyone's appearance to "look like their avi" posting a picture there doesn't change the message.
Finally, your history had ONE period in the entire thing! (not that it was long enough or anything) You need to be way more descriptive, and have powers that are much more well thought out.
I'm sorry, you may want to consider that Galvan may be a bit too advanced for you.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Nov 30, 2005 4:45 pm
And if your heart is set on Galvan and really feel the need to try again, then go back and read the rules and introduction post. Yes, all of it.
And if you did already. Then read it again.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Nov 30, 2005 10:13 pm
[ Message temporarily off-line ]
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
