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some girl on the street asked if i was saved yet
i told her i saved at the checkpoint a couple minutes back
and can reload from there if i die
she was confused

whats the complement to a 43 degree angle?
My you're looking "acute" today
f*** you

The other night my friend had some pot and wanted me to smoke it with him, but we had nowhere to smoke it because both our parents were home.
So we drove around looking for a place to park so we could smoke in the car.
We eventually settled on a Wendys parking lot..
The logic is all there...
I know, it was a ridiculous idea. We were just desperate and that was the first place to pull off..
So we park in the back of the parking lot under this tree, and it's dark out, so we figure we're secluded enough. We start to light up and a cop pulls in. So we both sit really still and hope the cop will think the car is empty and just parked there. Or that he won't notice.
The cop circles the parking lot once, then parks behind us and we're both freaking out. So Bobby, my friend, takes all the pot and shoves it in the glove compartment. But the car smells like pot, so we figure we're busted.
So Bobby says we've gotta distract the cop from the pot. In a huge flash, he rips his shirt off, undoes my pants and sticks his hand inside. Before I can process what's happening, the cop knocks on my window. Then he looks in and sees Bobby shirtless, with his hand down my pants and turns bright red.
I roll my window down and the cop says in this really flustered voice, his face bright red, "you guys be good now" and walks quickly back to his car and drives off.
He didn't even notice the smell of pot.
We drove home in the most uncomfortable f***ing silence ever.

< robT> Name ONE thing that your windows comp can do that my MAC cant
< bawss> Right click.

... I have one that makes me laugh uncontrollably... But I cannot in good conscience post it, it is just that bad.
...
It's one of those "oops, wrong window" ones.

IronChef Foicite: well, there's a lot of reasons
IronChef Foicite: i mean, roses only last like a couple weeks
IronChef Foicite: and that's if you leave them in water
IronChef Foicite: and they really only exist to be pretty
IronChef Foicite: so that's like saying
IronChef Foicite: "my love for you is transitory and based solely on your appearance"
IronChef Foicite: but a potato!
IronChef Foicite: potatos last for f***ing ever, man
IronChef Foicite: in fact, not only will they not rot, they actually grow s*** even if you just leave them in the sack
IronChef Foicite: that part alone makes it a good symbol
IronChef Foicite: but there's more!
IronChef Foicite: there are so many ways to enjoy a potato! you can even make a battery with it!
IronChef Foicite: and that's like saying "i have many ways in which I show my love for you"
IronChef Foicite: and potatos may be ugly, but they're still awesome
IronChef Foicite: so that's like saying "it doesn't matter at all what you look like, I'll still love you"

so I was with my friend bryan the other night in a bar
well he got really drunk and said he was gonna puke
so i helped him walk to the toilet
all the stalls were occupied
lol
bryan is a rugby player... so a big guy
so he f***ing KICKS one of the stall doors open
and there's this guy in there taking a s***
hahahahahaha
and bryan throws up ALL OVER HIM
then (this is genius) bryan thinks 'oh s***... if i were taking a s*** and someone came in and was sick all over me, i'd want to f*** him up... so i'd better hit him first'
so he f***ing SMACKS this guy in the face
and runs away
imagine being that guy... WORST NIGHT OUT EVER