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 Posted: Tue Oct 04, 2005 5:44 pm
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Posted: Wed Oct 05, 2005 11:23 am
This will bring a smile to your face. Slow down for three minutes to read this. It is so worth it. Touching words from the mouth of babes.
What does love mean?
A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year olds, "What does love mean?" The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone
could have imagined. See what you think:
"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore.
So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love."
Rebecca- age 8
"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your
name is safe in their mouth."
Billy - age 4
"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and
smell each other."
Karl - age 5
"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making
them give you any of theirs."
Chrissy -age 6
"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."
Terri - age 4
"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to
him, to make sure the taste is OK."
Danny - age 7
"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be
together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they
kiss"
Emily - age 8
"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen."
Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)
"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,"
Nikka - age 6 (we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)
"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday."
Noelle - age 7
"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each
other so well."
Tommy - age 6
"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching
me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared
anymore."
Cindy - age 8
"My mommy loves me more than anybody . You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at
night."
Clare - age 6
"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken."
Elaine-age 5
"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than
Robert Redford."
Chris - age 7
"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day."
Mary Ann - age 4
"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out
and buy new ones."
Lauren - age 4
"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you."
(what an imagination!)
Karen - age 7
"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross."
Mark - age 6
"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it
a lot. People forget."
Jessica - age 8
And the final one -- Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked
to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child.
The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had
recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard,
climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor,
the little boy said, "Nothing, I just helped him cry"
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Posted: Wed Oct 12, 2005 1:27 pm
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Posted: Fri Oct 14, 2005 5:03 pm
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Posted: Wed Oct 19, 2005 4:01 pm
Chili Cook Off
If you can read this whole story without laughing then there's no hope for you. I was crying by the end. Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better. For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio City Park. Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield, IL.
Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted."
Here are the scorecard notes from the event:
CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI...
Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy s**t, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.
CHILI # 2 - AUSTIN'S AFTERBURNER CHILI...
Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.
CHILI # 3 - FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI...
Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.
Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting s**t-faced from all of the beer.
CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC...
Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-LB woman is starting to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?
CHILI # 5 LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER...
Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks
CHILI # 6 - VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY...!
Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I s**t on myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my a** with a snow cone.
CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI..
Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the
4-inch hole in my stomach.
CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI...
Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. poor feller, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?
Judge # 3 - No Report
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Posted: Wed Dec 07, 2005 4:45 pm
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Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2006 11:46 am
One time during a football practice one of the JV guys was standing in the back of a group that was watching the varsity run plays, and it was really cold so they were all grouped together. All of a sudden you hear a weird sound belt out of his mouth we all turned around and he fell asleep standing in the group and woke up halfway to the ground.
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Posted: Fri Jan 20, 2006 3:19 pm
QuincyArcher_Ishida One time during a football practice one of the JV guys was standing in the back of a group that was watching the varsity run plays, and it was really cold so they were all grouped together. All of a sudden you hear a weird sound belt out of his mouth we all turned around and he fell asleep standing in the group and woke up halfway to the ground. hehe thats not good
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Posted: Sat Jan 21, 2006 8:16 am
Maybe not good but funny... biggrin
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Posted: Sat Jan 21, 2006 4:13 pm
maybe yeah...depending on the situation i guess it would be
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Posted: Fri Feb 17, 2006 2:18 pm
True Doctor Stories
A man comes into the ER and yells,
"My wife's going to
have her baby in the
cab!" I grabbed my stuff,
rushed out to the cab,
lifted the lady's --Dress,
and began to take off her
underwear. Suddenly I
noticed that there were
several cabs, and I was
in the wrong one.
--Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
At the beginning of my shift
I placed a stethoscope on
an elderly and
slightly deaf female patient's
anterior chest wall.
Big breaths," I
instructed. Yes, they used to be,"
remorsefully
replied the patient.
--Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
One day I had to be the bearer
of bad news when I told
a wife that her
husband had died of a massive
myocardial infarct. Not
more than five minutes
later, I heard her reporting
to the rest of the family
that he had died of a
"massive internal fart."
--Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
I was performing a complete physical,
including the
visual acuity test. I
placed the patient twenty
feet from the chart and
began, "Cover your right
eye with your hand." He read
the 20/20 line perfectly.
Now your left."
Again, a flawless read Now both,"
I requested. There
was silence. He
couldn't even read the
large E on the top line. I
turned and discovered that
he had done exactly what
I had asked; he was standing
there with both his
eyes covered. I was laughing
too hard to finish the exam.
--Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
During a patient's two week
follow-up appointment with
his cardiologist, he
informed me, his doctor,
that he was having trouble
with one of his
medications. Which one?"
I asked. The patch. The nurse
told me to put on a
new one every six hours and
now I'm running out of
places to put it!" I had
him quickly undress and
discovered what I hoped I
wouldn't see. Yes, the man
had over fifty patches on his body! Now the
instructions include removal of
the old patch before applying a new one.
--Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
While acquainting myself with
a new elderly patient, I
asked, "How long have
you been bed-ridden?"
After a look of complete
confusion she answered ...
Why, not for about twenty years
-- when my husband was alive."
--Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked,
So, how's your breakfast this morning?"
It's very good, except for the Kentucky
Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste,"
the patient replied. I then asked to see the
jelly and the woman produced a foil packet
labeled "KY Jelly."
--Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
And Finally . . .
A new, young MD doing his
residency in OB was quite
embarrassed performing
female pelvic exams. To cover
his embarrassment he had
unconsciously formed
a habit of whistling softly.
The middle aged lady upon whom
he was performing this
exam suddenly burst
out laughing and further
embarrassed him. He looked up
from his work and
sheepishly said, "I'm sorry.
Was I tickling you?"
She replied, "No doctor,
but the song you were
whistling was 'I wish I was
an Oscar Meyer Wiener."
--won't admit his name
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Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2006 9:08 am
The Nose-Picking Glossary
The Kiddie Pick: When you're by yourself and you uninhibitedly twist your forefinger into your nostril with childlike joy and freedom. And the best part is, there's no time limit!
Camouflaged Kiddie Pick: When, in the presence of other people, you wrap your forefinger in a tissue, then thrust it in deep and hold back the smile.
Fake Nose Scratch: When you make believe you've got an itch but you're really trolling the nostril edge for stray boogers.
Making A Meal Out Of It: You do it so furiously, and for so long, you're probably entitled to dessert.
Surprise Pickings: When a sneeze or laugh causes snot to come hurtling out of your nose, and you have to gracefully clean it off your shirt.
Autopick: The kind you do in a car, when no one's looking. NOTE: Someone is always looking.
Pick Your Brains: Done in private, this is the one where your finger goes in so far, it passes the septum.
Pick And Save: When you have to pick it quickly, just when someone looks away, and then you pocket the snot so they don't catch on to what you did.
Pick And Roll: No explanation needed.
Pick And Flick: Ditto.
Pick And Stick: You wanted it to be a "Pick and Flick," but it stubbornly clings to your fingertip.
Paydirt: The kind where you remove a piece of snot so big, it improves your breathing by 90%.
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Posted: Fri Feb 24, 2006 12:09 pm
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Posted: Fri Feb 24, 2006 1:03 pm
hehe thats the stroop effect ;p and in reality its not a right/left brain conflict really. its more the fact that reading becomes an automatic process by the time you're grade schoolers. so its hard to say the color when you've automatically read the word. thats why its hard to do.
any way, the left side of your brain deals with language so your right brain cant say anything cause its not in control of language ;p
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Posted: Sat Feb 25, 2006 8:00 am
meh don't really care it was funny...thats why its in here! whee
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Reply
