Thank you for your submission. However:
1. The announcement in this subforum says:
Penden
Right now we don't need any more characters that are not from Feretris or related to Tok/Cedric. I will be rejecting profiles that do not fit what we need right now, based on the concept of the character itself rather than the profile quality. Clear any non-Feretris or non-Tok/dragon concepts with me before bothering to work on your profile and submitting it.
That means characters who are
from Feretris or Tok, not just in it at the moment. You did put a lot of work into your profile, though, so I'll offer my other thoughts. First the good: being
in Feretris was an excellent idea if the announcement had not been there. I liked how you showed that your character is not perfect/totally awesome, since he failed and ended up in slavery. I loved how you showed an understanding of psychology/culture by saying that the slaves born in Feretris were the ones who betrayed him. Now unto the bad:
2. The tribes would be highly unlikely to send a
male into such danger where a female could more easily go. Why not, then, just play a female?
3. Your character is ridiculously young for the assignment.
4. Finally, while it seems clear that you read over this sticky, you seem to have missed something very important to your character:
Penden
Nomadic Factions
Revolt--
They don't really have a title for themselves yet, but many of these slaves have even elected to stay in Feretris in order to spread the message of revolt to their colleagues. It's a dangerous business, considering that all slaves have been trained from birth to accept and uphold the system. Legends of Cedric and other brave souls who have defied Feretris help fan the flame of their cause.
Paramilitary--
This group is made up both of ex-slaves and one or two of the nomadic tribes who are tired of their previously peaceful homeland being invaded. Many ex-slaves that have had military or guard training join this group because it offers them a place to belong and use their talents. Small groups of this ideology have attempted small raids on Feretris supplies with some sucess, but they have yet to pull off something impressive and are hoping to garner more supplies.
Underground--
Most of the underground leadership does not wish to draw unecessary attention to themselves by the use of force, as either of the two above factions would do. They are not against force in general, but believe that they are outnumbered and that it would be a losing battle they best not start.
Isolationists--
There are very few isolationists, since many have been affected by the recent raids Feretris has conducted on the surrounding lands to capture new slaves. Most who are isolationists tend to move away from the area entirely, but a few stubbornly cling to their land (not being part of one of the tribes) or are simply pacifists.
Tribe Allignment
Anjts -- This tribe assists the Underground the most
Demere -- This tribe feeds the Paramilitary mindset the most
Kiyap Turea -- This tribe holds the most Isolationists, but helps slaves who have already escaped live on the planes
In conclusion, your basic character premise is flawed and I cannot accept it as it is right now.
If you are still interested in playing in this RP with a different character profile, PM me.
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