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- Pocket Full of Ashes - Crew
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 Posted: Sat May 16, 2009 7:07 pm
"Damian..." Her face had softened. She wanted to say how she didn't want to lose him either, how she could just let this all go and move on with their lives. But doing that would simply be pushing the problem back under the rug. She situated herself so she was sitting directing in front of him, still a bit afraid of falling in the water. She took his face in her hands, furrowing her brow slightly. She forced him to look at her before speaking. "Damian...I love you...and I know you love me." She said softly, yet carefully, trying to word herself very carefully. "But...are we being smart about this?...we've helped each other in so many different ways so many times. I wont deny this. I wont deny that I've grown to love you and don't want to lose you either...but...I also wont deny that this...this doesn't feel right?" She tried, though immediately knew it probably wasn't the best phrase. "Damian...we're just holding onto each other, because we want that feeling of genuine love and compassion we're not used to getting...an escape." That was more her drift. "We're afraid of loss. Afraid to hurt. But it seems we're hurting more together than we did apart..." She added, trying to get him to understand. "I love you. I want you to be happy. I just don't think I can make you happy...long term happy anyway." And there was the key term. 'longterm'. "I always had a horrid feeling that this lovely thing we had wasn't going to last forever but i ignored that, not wanting to think about it...I know you agree at least there..." She concluded softly, her voice catching slightly as her eyes started to water again. "We dont have what Richard and Lorey have..."
Richard laughed through his tears, hugging her tightly for a moment longer before holding her at arms length. "I love you." He smiled through his tear streaked face shaking his head. "And I'll love you when we're screaming' at those people, and long after that." He kissed her deeply before hugging her again.
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Posted: Sat May 16, 2009 7:21 pm
We don't have what Richard and Lorey have...
One phrase hit him square in the stomach. Damian looked up at her, mouth slightly agape and eyes with the distinct look of a child who had just been gravely disappointed. But come now, he told himself. Not like he couldn't have seen it coming to this, after everything terrible they had been through.
They'd healed each other. Perhaps... that was all they were meant to do.
Damian slowly sat upright, releasing himself gently fro her hands. For a few moments, he couldn't say anything. He couldn't even look at her, really. But once he was ready to formulate sentences, Damian gave a steady nod.
"...how do we want to do this?" he asked, trying to think of some way they might take a break or separate completely, if that was what she even wanted.
"Don't cry!" she said, wiping away the tears, but just as her hands reached his face, he kissed her. Hands moved from his face to around his neck in a heartbeat.
"Woo..." Lorey gave a slight laugh afterwards. "You know... speaking of grandkids... this might be a weird time to mention this but... I don't want to have- you know, until... awhile."
It was so stupid, she thought, how she was too embarrassed to say the word, and how her cheeks turned red to be speaking of it while so close. But, it was her chance, and she'd be too nervous any other time to say anything.
"I love my mother, but I always promised myself that I wouldn't be like her in a few ways. And she had me out of wedlock, so... you know?"
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- Pocket Full of Ashes - Crew
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Posted: Sat May 16, 2009 7:36 pm
Raquel's heart cracked and she was almost sure he could hear it. But her face showed no sign. She looked down at her hands before speaking, her voice strangely not as shakey as she had figured it'd be. "...well...how about...after the Gala...You can go on and do whatever you need concerning your father and the ballroom...But afterward..." She found herself not wanting to say the next part strangely even though they both were considering something close to it. "...afterwords we'll...well, I have some friends I can stay with. They've offered me a job before in the past and promised to keep it open if I ever needed a place to go. It is a lot less than what I made before, but it'll get me by." She forced a smile, looking up at him. "...I'm selling that dreadful pathetic little bracelet. It holds no good memories for me anyhow. I'll pawn it off, and save up...and go to school. For real this time." She looked determined despite how her heart ached. "And you can go back to the dashing bachelor you once were, only better in moral I guess..." She unconsciously touched his face. "Then...maybe...someday..." She shrugged. "...or not...we'll just have to see..." She let her gaze drop off jut as her voice did, letting a horridly uncomfortable silence set in.
Richard let her go momentarily, looking at her wide eyes and blushing. "N-n.....I-..." he seemed either terribly awkward or insulted. "...L-l...I mean, It hasn't not crossed my mind but -" Yep. Definitely embarassed.
"But not in a serious way, I'm a guy and I tend to think about that yea but I didn't mean-" He stopped himself form talking as fast as he was to try to explain to her. "I'm sorry. Lorey but I want you to know, I was never planning on pulling anything with you. I love and respect you too much to take advantage of you like that. I was planning on waiting until after we were wed unless you wished otherwise. And even after we're wed, if you still dont for awhile, I'll be fine with it. Slightly annoyed and impatient but fine..." He laughed nervously again, rubbing the back of his neck like always.
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Posted: Sat May 16, 2009 7:51 pm
No.
No, he didn't want this. He didn't want to let her go. He wanted to dance with her at the Gala, just the two of them as the world watched on in jealousy, just like... just like Richard and Lorey.
Just like them. Lord, how he wanted to be just like them... what did Richard do that he could start doing? What did Lorey act like that maybe even he could mimic?
And how had it come to this?
"Raquel..." And seemingly of their own volition, his arms reached out to ensnare her in a hug. He brought her to him recklessly, making the raft tip a bit from side to side, but he wouldn't let her fall. There were bigger things to be frightened of.
"If this is what you want, then I shall follow through every step of the way. I swear it. I will do whatever you tell me to, but if there is... is any hope of anything, please, tell me what I can do. Tell me, please, Raquel. Please tell me what I can do."
Lorey laughed with a sure, "Okay, okay!" The relief on her face was unmistakable. One less thing to worry about with Richard, and how wonderful it felt to know.
"Thank you..." she said, though why she wasn't sure. "Gosh, I love you. I don't think I could have found a better man in all the worlds. And you thought you were no good for me!" she exclaimed, flicking his ear lightly. "And I have you for the rest of forever." A smug little smile took over her face, which was rather funny as Lorey had never once had anything to be smug about.
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- Pocket Full of Ashes - Crew
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Posted: Sat May 16, 2009 8:03 pm
Raquel just sat their. She didn't expect him to react the way he did...It broke her heart. She wanted to just hug him back, tell him 'never mind you're perfect', but she would not let him subject himself to a life of misery simply so he can indulge in one or two moments of a happy high they rarely found themselves in. She wouldn't let him waste his life on her.
".....It-...It wouldn't be that long. Just...just a lil' break...." She said as calmly as she could, stiff and unmoving in his arms as she tried not to cry. "You're perfect Damian. Thats what the problem is. I'm not quite there yet." She felt her throat practically collapse on her as she said the next bit. "I'm- I'm not the girl for you...." She tried to pull away gently, so she could look him in the eye to show him how serious she was. She looked broken, disheveled, but serious.
Richard had to laugh at that face. He scooped her up in his arms, cradling her as he danced about, and into the kitchen, setting her down on the counter with a kiss. "I'm more than honored." He smiled, a small blush still on his cheeks.
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Posted: Sat May 16, 2009 8:16 pm
Perfect? Him? Never. As she said her words, he expected the next to bring some terrible blow, but the only thing that truly hurt was her stiff frame in his arms. This was it. He just had to let go.
And he did.
"Then I don't know who is..." he said calmly, though the sadness they shared was on his face. Damian swung his legs over the raft suddenly to begin kicking them to the wall, all the while with his back turned on Raquel. If he could hide the hurt he had written all over his face from her for just a few minutes, he might find a way to hide it from everyone on Veratia.
The raft bumped softly on the wall, signaling him to stop, though he still didn't move from the raft. He just stared at the water.
"You've... always been there," he tried. "I never have been."
edit -I forgot Lorey! D: -
Once again she found herself laughing her heart out with his antics. Even though he was practically prancing about, he still held her so carefully and close, even setting her on the counter like she could break.
"Come here, you," she said, placing her finger under his chin to bring him in for a kiss. This was better than eating toast.
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- Pocket Full of Ashes - Crew
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Posted: Sat May 16, 2009 8:30 pm
Raquel said nothing but climbed out of the raft, not sure if she was so eager to get off because of her fear of it, or because of the situation that has arose. Either way, she stopped on the edge of the pool, leaning out over the water to take Damian's face with one hand. She lifted his cheek, kissing it so softly, so briefly, before pulling back and standing up. To what he said she really couldn't think of an answer. Thinking about it, it was partially true. But still...not entirely.
"...Maybe not. But it wasn't your place to be. I'm not that easy to be there for. ...For what you've done...it's been more than helpful...Thank you." She gave a little bow before turning to leave, feeling her heart fall apart at the seams with each step away from him she took.
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Posted: Sat May 16, 2009 8:36 pm
It was such a formal departure that Damian actually had to question himself, if maybe this entire time spent together was just a free business transaction. He didn't jump out from his raft to chase after her for a proclamation of love. He didn't call after her angrily to condemn her for leaving him after he had saved her life and then some. No, he just pulled his feet back into the boat and gently pushed of from the wall, sending himself back out into the water with a blank expression on his lovely face.
Damian Centurion was single, he was free from her troubles, but most importantly, he was miserable.
And the worst part?
That had only been a minute or so into his single life.
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- Pocket Full of Ashes - Crew
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Posted: Sat May 16, 2009 8:45 pm
Raquel made her way back to her room to wash the chlorine out of her hair. She walked by the kitchen, giving a smile to Richard who turned and gave her a confused look. She didn't understand why he had looked at her in such a way until she reached her room. She looked in the closest mirror to see that without her knowledge, she was crying...
she reached up to touch one of the stray ones that had fallen wayward to the side of her cheek before collapsing to her knees in tears. But she only allowed this self pity to go on for a few moments before picking herself up. She had done the right thing...hadn't she? Not knowing for sure irked her.
She forced herself into the shower, stripping off her suite only to find she was too drained to even stand. She let the shower run over her as she leaned against the wall, nude and vulnerable in more than one way, sinking down next to the drain. Letting the water run over her, she went completely blank. She blocked the frenzy of emotionally charged memories and thoughts from entering her mind. Maybe tat was a trait of the Amaranthine. Who knew... but it was the only sweet relief she could feel at that moment.
Richard was helping Lorey prepare a small breakfast when Raquel had walked by. He panicked slightly at her tears, and was confused by her smile as she disparaged down the hall. He walked through the living room, poking his head out the door to catch a slight glimpse of Damian idly floating around the pool. expressionless, but alive. That's all that mattered. He rejoined Lorey in the kitchen, looking utterly confused and slightly worried. "I wonder what's going on there..." He said softly though he felt that he may have an idea.
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Posted: Sat May 16, 2009 8:51 pm
Lorey scrambled once Raquel was out of sight to look out the window at Damian. He looked... odd. Just floating, sitting stock still and seeming to stare off into space judging by his profile. If they had been in a fight, it must have been a terrible, hard-hitting one at that, but usually Damian went into a frustrated tizzy when angry. But there he was, just... floating.
"I don't think they're together any more," she dared whisper as she took her eyes off of Damian and to Richard. "They're much too silent. Don't you think?"
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- Pocket Full of Ashes - Crew
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Posted: Sat May 16, 2009 8:58 pm
Richard pursed his lips and furrowed his brow. "Should...should we go talk to them?" He asked looking to her for her opinion. "Or just leave them be?" He hated to see in this instance that he was right. He had been worried about them for quite some time and it seemed he had good reason to be.
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Posted: Sat May 16, 2009 9:02 pm
"No..." But that was just Lorey's personal opinion. "It would be like opening the wound more right now... If they want to talk about it, then I'm sure they will."
With a small nod, she turned to the breakfast, though somehow it didn't seem as nice as it did before.
"I just hope they're both going to be alright."
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- Pocket Full of Ashes - Crew
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Posted: Sat May 16, 2009 9:11 pm
Richard nodded with a sigh, turning to help her with breakfast. "The coffee's still fresh..." he offered softly, feeling rather bad himself, though smiled for Lorey.
Raquel let ehrself jstu soak in her confusion for a few moemnts till the sound of hte shower started toannoy her. she sut it off, still dripping wet and exposed. Not jsut physically but emotionally. She felt awful. But she didn't look it anymore. Standing finally, she grabbed a towel, drying herself off. She then went to find somehting dry to change into, settling for a pair of jeans and a simple T shirt. she kept ruffling ehr hair dry with the towel as she sat on the edge of her bed. Though after a moment, she let her towel drop, hanging around her neck asshe drew her knees up. She hugged ehr legs closely to her, resting ehr chin on her knees as she thought.
She didn't cry...
She didn't speak...
She just sat, lost in her own world for a moment.
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Posted: Sat May 16, 2009 9:22 pm
"Thanks, love," she whispered. Lorey took a cup and poured herself a good amount of coffee, making sure to put in some sugar and creamer so it wouldn't be too bitter. It was one of the treats she enjoyed in this new life: good coffee, and good creamer. Sugar had always been sugar.
With the steaming mug in her hand, Lorey suddenly realized they were both in their suits, practically lounging about in their underwear. Not that she minded, of course, but it was a little cold.
"I'm just going to get a robe..." she said, placing her mug down upon the table, and leaving for her room where she knew she had a white, fluffy robe hanging in the closet.
On the way there, though, she passed Raquel's room. Her feet stopped at the door, and she listened. There was no sound. Her heart began pounding, thinking the worst, because really, at this point she'd learned that in their group of people anything was possible.
"Raquel?" she called out to the crack between the door and frame. "There's food. Is everything alright?"
A stupid question, but at least she posed it out of concern.
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- Pocket Full of Ashes - Crew
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Posted: Sat May 16, 2009 9:30 pm
Raquel was silent for a few moments before replying. "I'm fine! Not really that hungry though. Still full form my meal last night. Thanks anyway!" She called back, strangely cheerfully. Though almost immediately she laid back so she could stare up at the ceiling.
Richard nodded to Lorey when she left to get her robe, though heard her call out to Raquel. He found it a bit strange himself but said nothing as he nibbled idly on a piece of toast he managed to burn.
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