Welcome to Gaia! ::

HEY. That was OUR secret, damnit!

Don't make me go on about your foot fetish.

heck it's been ages since I posted here kinda need to keep my accounts open. No internet for a long time kinda wanted to get back in the swing of things. How is everyone....

Some of you might have been wondering where Ive been, well other than passing out after work...BEHOLD!

http://www.veoh.com/series/TheOutkasts

Killing stuff in WoW <3

The Jeanna might be MOVING! Give praise.. we'll see how this phone call goes

hehe and he get so upset when he can't watch!

Nice Kara. Kill Prince yet?

Ok. The GOOD news! I DONT have breast cancer!
The BAD news... I DO have pain and may well have it for the rest of my life.

The LONG story...

Went to the hospital. Shuddered a lot (I hate hospitals, three of my family have died as a DIRECT result of hospital imcompetance). Finally found my ward. Saw a doctor who told me my lifestyle was very good and she thought I had a 'nodulation'. As I didnt fit the main criteria for this, she sent me to get an ultrasound.
In the ultrasound room, I had cold blue jelly smeared all over me and had to put my hands together over my head while I lay on the gourney (I was just WAITING for the zombie holocaust to happen, leaving me zombified in that unique pose on the bed until some hapless 'hero' came along and I mauled him if he wasnt quick enough with that shotgun.... didnt happen crying ), then they ran a scanner over my breasts, which I coudl see on screen. Watching the inside of your own breasts is slightly disturbing. Especially when you SEE the nodules that make you hurt so much so VERY clearly.... they looked huge, unnatural and ominous. APPARENTLY however, they are merely caused by hormonal change on my body and they are NOT cancerous.
I then saw the consultant doctor again. She told me what I had was not uncommon, nor was it any form of cancer, nor could it BECOME a cancer. I was ALSO told however that I could quite easily end up with more than I already have, that they cant be removed and there isnt a HUGE amount I can do about the pain. I can take primrose oil and use a certain pain relief cream to help, but thats about it. And if my condition gets worse, I have to get it checked EVERY time. And if I DO develop a cancer, naturally at a later date, it will be that much harder to spot because of my other lumps.

In all... Im elated I dont have cancer. However... Im actually feeling quite down as well because along with my long term and irritating exczema, I now also have a SECOND condition I must treat which is EQUALLY aggravating and FAR more painful. I HAD hoped that whatever the result of the scan, I woudl at least have a treatment plan that would make it GO AWAY. Instead... it looks like Im destined to hurt for a long time to come.
Its hard to explain this kind of pain to someone who hasnt had it, especially a man. It is VERY aggravating and the thought fo having to deal with this FOREVER... well. Im a little despressed. But Im not dying. Its a mixed bag, and Im sure I'll learn to cope with it all, but for now... my rp may be sporadic, self centered and morose for a short while until I finish adjusting to this and revaluating m,y life and where I want to go with it.

Thank you all for your concern over the last month and messages of support. The worst is over now, and Im officially discharged from hospital and from cancer worry.