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My mother is a neurotic and boderline paranoid/narcissistic. I never really noticed when I was a kid, because my sister and I were raised by our stay-at-home dad, and my mother had long hours at work and about one overseas business trip every month. (At the time I thought it was mandatory, but she later told me that she volunteered for all those trips to get away from us. Didn't even have the balls to say it to my face. Said it to her therapist while I was sitting right next to her. rolleyes ) When I was a teenager she and my dad got divorced, and since she's the primary money-maker in the family, I stayed with her. But that's when her problems became really apparent. During the divorce and for several years after, she would have screaming fits pretty frequently. Sometimes randomly leave the house late at night, without saying a word, and not come back until early morning. She'd throw things, and break things. One time I woke up at three in the morning to this weird pounding sound, so I went downstairs to find that she'd taken a hammer to the portuguese tile on the fireplace. : / A lot of dumb s**t like that. That didn't bother me so much. At that point in my life, having been institutionalized a number of times, I was already a great connoisseur of strange behavior. : P It was the more directed emotional outbursts that were the problem. She'd often find reasons to make her misery about me. Once she came barging into my room at 7am, hollering and ranting and waving around a hand towel, calling me a number of unseemly names... It took me a couple minutes before I realized what she was on about. A tiny hairdye stain, about half the size of a penny, that I'd gotten on the towel. -____- Gee ma, I don't know what to say. Because your hairdye stains aren't all over the ******** bathroom.
During those couple of years, she would inexplicably burst into tears about two to four times a week. And since I was the only one there (My sister was at college, thank god. She could not have handled that s**t.), she'd expect emotional support. And being the complacent person that I am, I always gave it. Always. I'd sit there and comfort her for hours while she cried and whined and ranted. Those were the years in which I learned to contain my own problems. One of the few good things that came out of it all. There wasn't enough room in our family for two psychotics. XD Though one time, when I was about 16, after I'd been comforting her for hours, she asked how I'd been doing lately, and I actually had the gall to answer her. I told her I'd been depressed. She acted all surprised, which should have been enough of an insult to encourage me to keep my mouth shut after that, but for some reason I didn't. She said it would get better. I said it didn't feel like it would. And that was all it took. She started screaming to high hell about how I'm an ungrateful b***h, and I have no right to burden her with my problems. Literally. That is what she said.
The fits aside, she's really just a intolerable person. Just the way she handles relationships. Nothing is ever her fault, everyone is out to get her, and no one is too good for her criticism. For four years after I stopped saying "I love you" to her, she still hadn't noticed, so I brought it up in a fight once, and she completely brushed it off. Said it was a "childish phase" I was going through and that I was just blaming my problems on her and when I matured I'd realize what a good mother she is and that I do love her. Ooooo, I wanted to punch her in the face, so bad. >.< Same with a time when I was 14 or so, one of the absolute most insecure times in my life, naturally. I'd put on some weight in middle school and I was trying to lose it. My mom was always badgering me about it, saying people are disgusted by fat people and asking if I really wanted others to look at me that way and judge me. (Bang up parenting, right there. : P ) One time when I mentioned trying to lose weight to Arkie, he shoved a shish kebab in my face and told me I was perfectly fine the way I am and shouldn't try to change (something no one had ever told me in my entire life), and I was so happy that when I got home I told my sister and my mom about it, and my mom said, as I should have known she would, "Oh Liz, don't be naive. He's just saying that because it's the only way he's ever known you.". neutral
Her temperment has improved tremendously. Especially since my sister and I moved out and we both stopped calling for the most part, because she realized that she's gonna die alone. : P She still has her moments. It wasn't so long ago that I referenced an inside joke with my sister, and she started hollering and crying about how we're so rude and we hate her because we "don't include her". rolleyes But for the most part, she keeps her s**t together. Now she's just paranoid, selfish, and leaves a constant air of lingering tension, wherever she goes. My poor sister has been living with her for six months, after coming back from Korea, and she's already begging me to take her on an extended roadtrip, to get away from mom. lol Some people just shouldn't have kids.