You know, it's funny... I like seltzer water. Because I really learned that... people like to steal your sodas. They like your Yoo-hoos. They like to steal your Hawaiin Punch, they like to steal your Tropicana, your Dr. Brown. I really learned that Seltzer Water... people don't like it. Like, you could sit a big jug of seltzer water around, and nobody would touch it. It's like a twist. It's like, "
Wow, I don't really like it myself, but I like it, because other people don't like it". You have to do it that way. Especially if you're living in a house where everybody's youthful, and they like everything you like. It's like my friends would come over, and I had big bottles of Schweppes gingerale; five big bottles. And they'd be gone in like, one day. All of 'em. So I went out and bought a big bottle of seltzer water. Try that sometime. Go out shopping, and just buy the most boring s**t. But you have to learn to like it yourself. You have to make it seem like it's so good to you, like, "
Wow, it's so good to get a glass of seltzer water". You gotta psychologically put your mind to it. But then I'll start liking it. After I force myself.
You know, I figured it out. I figured out that... people want sugar. Advertisement and sugar. Like, if you got a nice box with a cartoon on it, people feel invitational. They feel very invitational. But if you get a plain box with like, Honey Nuts on it... Boring Oats; an old man... people don't want it. You gotta get something like that. It throws people off. I found out that that's what a lot of older people do. They detour the refrigerator from the advertisement. It's like when you go to your grandma's house and you open up the refrigerator, and there's not really anything impressive. She's got some oak cake in there; some weird cake with peanuts and stuff all over it. It's just not... attractive.
You can't really have a youthful looking refrigerator. You know... with Oreos, Cap'n Crunch, Sprite... You can't decorate it beautifully. You gotta have it filled with stuff like....
Seltzer Water:
Oak Cake:
You know...
Pumpernickel Bread:
Spring Water:
Big sticks of
Celery in the background:
Like, some
Apricot:
Or maybe a twist, like...
Diet Yogurt:
You know, nothing sweet. And maybe you'll have some cookies, but they might be....
Wheat Cookies:
Can't even go chocolate chip.
You gotta just throw people off. Just buy the most left-field s**t. That throws people off big time. And you'll have more stuff too. It'll always be there. Nobody wants your pumpernickel bread. It stays there. But anything else, it'll be gone.
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