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 Posted: Thu Feb 03, 2011 7:53 am
I just realized that I'm home alone today.
Home alone. That hasn't happened all week!
Home alone, with lots of kitchen knives and potentially dangerous medications.
And an overwhelming feeling of paranoia, self-hate and isolation.
Hmm...
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Posted: Thu Feb 03, 2011 7:58 am
Jedi Sasquatch I just realized that I'm home alone today.
Home alone. That hasn't happened all week!
Home alone, with lots of kitchen knives and potentially dangerous medications.
And an overwhelming feeling of paranoia, self-hate and isolation.
Hmm...
*hugs tightly*
sorry heh, please dont hurt your self, feel free to rant and just let that emotion out here but if you're home alone and you play drums you can also have a really really good drum session no?
maybe just concentrate and express your feelings through your instrument
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Posted: Thu Feb 03, 2011 8:00 am
cave_dweller_candy Jedi Sasquatch I just realized that I'm home alone today.
Home alone. That hasn't happened all week!
Home alone, with lots of kitchen knives and potentially dangerous medications.
And an overwhelming feeling of paranoia, self-hate and isolation.
Hmm...
/goes off to sleep
It's inevitable, I'm going to have to do it one of these days, and I've been putting it off for a long time.
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Posted: Thu Feb 03, 2011 8:04 am
Jedi Sasquatch cave_dweller_candy Jedi Sasquatch I just realized that I'm home alone today.
Home alone. That hasn't happened all week!
Home alone, with lots of kitchen knives and potentially dangerous medications.
And an overwhelming feeling of paranoia, self-hate and isolation.
Hmm...
/goes off to sleep
It's inevitable, I'm going to have to do it one of these days, and I've been putting it off for a long time. ; ;, to be honest, if you have pain and stuff trapped inside this may be difficult not sure how to hmm say it can you channel it? and release it through something, like some people scream and shout, others go for an all out jam session, some just run until they drop
heh some people just play first person shooters, not sure where Im going but the best writers and musicians are sometimes people who have the most on their plate they just learn to channel and express their emotions via what they write, Have you ever thought of writing a script or something?
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Posted: Thu Feb 03, 2011 8:05 am
Whoops, I was wrong. My brother is home. He's just asleep.
Maybe another day then.
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Posted: Thu Feb 03, 2011 8:05 am
Jedi Sasquatch cave_dweller_candy Jedi Sasquatch I just realized that I'm home alone today.
Home alone. That hasn't happened all week!
Home alone, with lots of kitchen knives and potentially dangerous medications.
And an overwhelming feeling of paranoia, self-hate and isolation.
Hmm...
/goes off to sleep
It's inevitable, I'm going to have to do it one of these days, and I've been putting it off for a long time.
But you're going to die one day. So am I. e.e
I have no idea what I'm saying right now. I meant to go to sleep 3 hours ago. Good luck Jedi owo.
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Posted: Thu Feb 03, 2011 8:16 am
cave_dweller_candy Jedi Sasquatch cave_dweller_candy Jedi Sasquatch I just realized that I'm home alone today.
Home alone. That hasn't happened all week!
Home alone, with lots of kitchen knives and potentially dangerous medications.
And an overwhelming feeling of paranoia, self-hate and isolation.
Hmm...
/goes off to sleep
It's inevitable, I'm going to have to do it one of these days, and I've been putting it off for a long time.
But you're going to die one day. So am I. e.e
I have no idea what I'm saying right now. I meant to go to sleep 3 hours ago. Good luck Jedi owo.
If there is a Heaven, I don't deserve to be there.
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Posted: Thu Feb 03, 2011 8:54 am
Swearing, the usual
;.; Nothing but one big fight from almost midnight til 9am...
I have a very hard time telling someone I am upset with them. Especially if they continually do things to upset me... unintentionally or not. And I eventually get so tired of it - or I have a buildup of things happen - that I snap and become angry, confrontational and bitchy. Or as one of my friends put it (and rather apologetically and nicely) "a complete cuntface (but not to anyone but [____]!)"
It's like I've become so withdrawn that I can't even post here. Because it makes me feel weak. Arceus, I've been crying badly since 1am. I must be very weak to do that. And I am just so sick of feeling like this. Feeling like I can't talk to my best friends for fear that I'll upset them because I'm upset. I don't know what to do... I can't even get it out here because of internal blocks ;.;
fkjskhgskhgsa ; ; I just want it to go away...
I just need one peaceful day... Just one, where I don't feel like I'm stupid and insignificant and worthless...
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Posted: Thu Feb 03, 2011 9:10 am
Maris Pallitax Swearing, the usual ;.; Nothing but one big fight from almost midnight til 9am...
I have a very hard time telling someone I am upset with them. Especially if they continually do things to upset me... unintentionally or not. And I eventually get so tired of it - or I have a buildup of things happen - that I snap and become angry, confrontational and bitchy. Or as one of my friends put it (and rather apologetically and nicely) "a complete cuntface (but not to anyone but [____]!)"
It's like I've become so withdrawn that I can't even post here. Because it makes me feel weak. Arceus, I've been crying badly since 1am. I must be very weak to do that. And I am just so sick of feeling like this. Feeling like I can't talk to my best friends for fear that I'll upset them because I'm upset. I don't know what to do... I can't even get it out here because of internal blocks ;.;
fkjskhgskhgsa ; ; I just want it to go away...
I just need one peaceful day... Just one, where I don't feel like I'm stupid and insignificant and worthless...
You aren't weak for crying D: it helps relieve frustration.
If you need to talk to someone, no matter how stupid you may think it may be, just throw me a PM ;o;. I'm here to help.
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Posted: Thu Feb 03, 2011 9:22 am
Maris Pallitax Swearing, the usual ;.; Nothing but one big fight from almost midnight til 9am...
I have a very hard time telling someone I am upset with them. Especially if they continually do things to upset me... unintentionally or not. And I eventually get so tired of it - or I have a buildup of things happen - that I snap and become angry, confrontational and bitchy. Or as one of my friends put it (and rather apologetically and nicely) "a complete cuntface (but not to anyone but [____]!)"
It's like I've become so withdrawn that I can't even post here. Because it makes me feel weak. Arceus, I've been crying badly since 1am. I must be very weak to do that. And I am just so sick of feeling like this. Feeling like I can't talk to my best friends for fear that I'll upset them because I'm upset. I don't know what to do... I can't even get it out here because of internal blocks ;.;
fkjskhgskhgsa ; ; I just want it to go away...
I just need one peaceful day... Just one, where I don't feel like I'm stupid and insignificant and worthless...
Now I see what you mean when you said we're going through the same sort of thing.
I'm not feeling depressed anymore at the moment, so I guess all I can say in consolation is that the pain will go away again... And I've done the same thing, where I don't say anything and let the frustration build up until I explode. I actually did that in this guild .__.
I know it sounds cliche, but hang in there. We all love you.
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Posted: Thu Feb 03, 2011 9:25 am
Hey guys, next time I start insulting myself, slap me in the face. Okay?
I mean it. I need to condition myself to stop doing this. >_>
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Posted: Thu Feb 03, 2011 10:05 am
Maris Pallitax Swearing, the usual ;.; Nothing but one big fight from almost midnight til 9am...
I have a very hard time telling someone I am upset with them. Especially if they continually do things to upset me... unintentionally or not. And I eventually get so tired of it - or I have a buildup of things happen - that I snap and become angry, confrontational and bitchy. Or as one of my friends put it (and rather apologetically and nicely) "a complete cuntface (but not to anyone but [____]!)"
It's like I've become so withdrawn that I can't even post here. Because it makes me feel weak. Arceus, I've been crying badly since 1am. I must be very weak to do that. And I am just so sick of feeling like this. Feeling like I can't talk to my best friends for fear that I'll upset them because I'm upset. I don't know what to do... I can't even get it out here because of internal blocks ;.;
fkjskhgskhgsa ; ; I just want it to go away...
I just need one peaceful day... Just one, where I don't feel like I'm stupid and insignificant and worthless...
Maris, ifyou ever, need to talk or just want someone to talk to, feel free ok?
don't feel bothered by it or anything to be honest heh I actually know how you feel in a way I can relate to that and I know its really tough but just hold out alittle bit we're all here for you and You're really strong person,
You're not a complete cuntface or bitchy if you honestly have those feelings and such then you arent and it isnt your fault heh =/
*Hugs*
You're pretty wonderful and like you said people do things maybe unintentional to cause alot of it so it isnt you and you have the right to upset
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Posted: Thu Feb 03, 2011 10:09 am
Jedi Sasquatch Hey guys, next time I start insulting myself, slap me in the face. Okay?
I mean it. I need to condition myself to stop doing this. >_> Okay if that's what you really want but sometimes people need to vent and get things out, but if you're prone to dangerous wallowing then it's good to know. Something to remember when the suicidal ideation comes back (for me it always does) a nice deterrent to suicide attempts is the possibility of f*cking up and making everything much worse. OD-ing with 'scrips is rarely ever effective and usually ends up with just a big mess of vomit to clean up and a lot of drugs wasted. You can also damage your liver and end up needing dialysis for the rest of your life. Cutting: best case scenario only works if you can get a major artery like the femoral and have a good 20 minutes from the successful incision of no one catching you. What happens more often is missed ventricle in the forearms, a lot of blood, scared mad people that will probably yell because they don't know what else to do and then you have an annoying stay in a hospital when everyone will treat you weird.
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Posted: Thu Feb 03, 2011 10:20 am
kittycross Jedi Sasquatch Hey guys, next time I start insulting myself, slap me in the face. Okay?
I mean it. I need to condition myself to stop doing this. >_> Okay if that's what you really want but sometimes people need to vent and get things out, but if you're prone to dangerous wallowing then it's good to know. Something to remember when the suicidal ideation comes back (for me it always does) a nice deterrent to suicide attempts is the possibility of f*cking up and making everything much worse. OD-ing with 'scrips is rarely ever effective and usually ends up with just a big mess of vomit to clean up and a lot of drugs wasted. You can also damage your liver and end up needing dialysis for the rest of your life. Cutting: best case scenario only works if you can get a major artery like the femoral and have a good 20 minutes from the successful incision of no one catching you. What happens more often is missed ventricle in the forearms, a lot of blood, scared mad people that will probably yell because they don't know what else to do and then you have an annoying stay in a hospital when everyone will treat you weird.
D=
Yeah, I remember reading about a bunch of suicide attempts that like totally ruined people's lives.
The reason I think I need to stop insulting myself is because when we say things it reinforces the belief in our minds. I feel like there's two sides to me; one side that wants to blossom and grow and be successful, and one side that thinks that I'm a blight on the world and that suicide is the inevitable ultimate conclusion of my life. I want to get to the point where that bad side isn't there anymore, and I think the best way to do that would be to shut it up.
I don't know though, maybe I'm just making s**t up. .__.
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