Welcome to Gaia! ::

Thank you.

After being in college this whole time, and abashing myself horribly because of it... I decided that tomorrow I'm going to see one of the counselors here. I'm sick of saying the same things over and over, but the psychiatrist I usually see is in Nashville, and I see him now around every six weeks. Some problems are more dire than that.

It just tops it all off that my mother calls me in the library, while I'm studying, and informs me that a close relative died. I won't be able to make it to the funeral, which is really distressing, because I have classes. I've already missed a few of my early morning classes because I spend all night sobbing, then sleep past the class.

My professor emailed me, and I'm going to talk to her in her office hours Friday morning.

God, I can't take this s**t half the time. I can't keep these current issues to myself.

So I'll probably be distant for a few days, and I apologize in advance.

{hug}

Honestly, they don't give a s**t about much. If you miss class, you miss class, no matter what the excuse. Can't make up the grades, etc.

I'm already in fairly deep s**t with my Spanish professor; she's been very kind to me so far with, what, missing nearly three weeks of class thanks to an error my academic advisor made. She told me not to worry about those grades, but dear god. I don't want it to seem like I'm using her kindness to my advantage; I don't deserve her generosity regardless. I'm just one of many faces, y'know?

God, I hate this s**t. So much.

But I thank you for your sweetness. I appreciate it, really I do.

I have to get my sorry butt over to the auditorium on the other side of campus for a dress rehearsal. Concert tomorrow. D:<

<3 muchloveandthankyous.

dix you've got my number, you can call me if you wanna talk love you know that sad heart

I find you only need to take medicine when you -physically- need it. No offence, but what if one day you will have this really REALLY horrible illness ? No medicine will work properly unless you take lots of it ! O_o

I mean, myself, i suffer of extreme allergy. Its like hayfever, but all year long. I refuse taking any medicine (except for eyedrops and nose-spray if im in a very bad state), otherwise ill be taking it all my life and its not like its gonna go away anyway... Think bout it again dixiepix, maybe deep down youre strong enough to overcome it all without all the pills and other fluids youre taking ..

Ee. I probably should have phrased that better.

I'm -not- taking the medication prescribed. Hell, they give me things to sleep, to stay awake, anti-anxiety, antidepressants, and it's superfluous and so, so ridiculous. I know I have problems. I'm trying to fix them, but shoving chemicals down my throat doesn't instantly fix every problem like some people pray happen. I'm not one to attempt to screw up the already faltering brain chemistry with more medication. I tried it, I became physically unwell, and no more of it.

I'm sorry you have such bad allergies, Meer. DD: I take some antihistamines if it gets really bad, but I've somewhat gotten control over it.

And if one day I get to the point where, yes, I require medication for a vital purpose, I will dutifully take it. Until that point, I see no reason to abide by the rules of science, saying that SSRI's will fix this, Xanax will fix that. It's. not. right.

And Meer-sweets, with or without medication, I'm a pessimist and a cynic. I really don't think I'll ever get over myself even if I try. Strength is a value I don't possess.

lol, you have no idea how we helped her through that issue a long time ago mans. For reals. She knows how proud I am of her for being as strong as she was to go against her doc and family when she chose to give up on the daily excess of meds. 3nodding

Dixie, I hope you're feeling better love. Just say the owrk and I'll call you any time, you have my number too so use it sometime, got it?
*bighugslikewoah*
heart

Got my schedule for college today. *dance*

Start on Monday. *dance*

Have to fight 285 traffic during rush hour on two days. *wilt*

Only have one class a day 'cept on Thursdays when I have two. *dance*

Have class every day. *wilt*

Schedule is as follows:

Monday, 8AM-9:50AM: 2-D Design
Tuesday, 2PM-3:50PM: College Geometry
Wednesday, 8AM-11:40AM: 2-D Design
Thursday, 12N-1:50PM: Drawing; 2PM-3:50PM: College Geometry
Friday, 10AM-1:40PM: Drawing

There's an owl hooting near my window. It's very calming. I'm probably the calmest I've been in a while, especially with college looming over my head/weekend.