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 Posted: Wed Apr 11, 2007 5:12 pm
sleeping in the shade under a tree on a sunny day ninja . woken up by a rustle in the bushes. draws sword. a ninja jumps out of the bushes and slashes. i block and dissipear in a cloud of smoke. the ninja realises it was a clone and looks around but the last thing he sees is my katana right to his face.
*SLASH* i shete my sword *shhhhh... click* and i put his body in the tree then fall back asleep under the same tree with a satisfied grin on my face. biggrin
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Posted: Thu Apr 12, 2007 7:18 am
V.C. Hicks Kagai winced as he removed the Kunai from his leg. His opponent stood before him looking down at him with an evil grin across his face. Apparently the fool had gotten the idea through his head that he had the upper hand... ...but he would quickly learn of his error. As a low mist gathered on what had become the battlefield of these two young ninjas the sun began to rise. It made the grass around them glow with a golden radiance and if Kagai had the choice he would have had this scene become his Eden for all eternity. The masked ninja began laughing whole heartedly as if he was able to read Kagai's mind. "If it is your desire to meet your end here then I will grant your request." He unsheathed his Katana and came at Kagai with a powerful overhead attack. The next few moments are burned into Kagai's memory for it was the first time that he had killed. The masked ninja yelled a loud battle cry and brought the Katana down on Kagai with blinding speed. Kagai stepped down and to the right quickly to dodge the attack and then plunged the Kunai deep into his enemy's neck. He eased him down slowly to the ground and rested his head down upon the Earth. "You have my respect my worthy adversary...." Kagai said as he closed his eyes "...may you find the peace that I will never know."Kagai stood up and looked down at his opponent. It was foolish that a war such as this claimed the young. With that thought Kagai stood and watched the sunrise... ...his life would never be the same after this moment. by request, i looked this one over. pass
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Posted: Thu Apr 12, 2007 2:07 pm
Thank you very much. biggrin
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Posted: Fri Apr 13, 2007 8:31 am
i think i can do better butt just so i kno... did i pass or fail
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Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2007 6:58 am
onixdragon i think i can do better butt just so i kno... did i pass or fail fail by an incredibly wide margin. 1) whenever you are explaining your characters actions use full sentences, 3rd person, and past tense. (ex. Ryu walked up to the bar.) 2) don't use the *sound effects*. they're really corny and uneccessary. 3) whenever you are writing use the following types of text. "speach" thoughtsactions I'm not doing this to be mean, I just can't stand looking at bad rping in my favorite village.
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Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2007 5:00 pm
ironblade89 onixdragon i think i can do better butt just so i kno... did i pass or fail fail by an incredibly wide margin. 1) whenever you are explaining your characters actions use full sentences, 3rd person, and past tense. (ex. Ryu walked up to the bar.) 2) don't use the *sound effects*. they're really corny and uneccessary. 3) whenever you are writing use the following types of text. "speach" thoughtsactions I'm not doing this to be mean, I just can't stand looking at bad rping in my favorite village. thanks. i dont feel that i did my best and i take corrective criticism very well because i get it from my english teacher all the time lol. and i hope the raiken clan gets accepted cuz i wanna join it lol.
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Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2007 5:33 pm
hayaku awoke from his deep sleep in the middle of the night haunted by one thing and one thing only, why cant i master that jutsu he thought about this alot but decided that enough is enough. so he wiped the sweat from his brow, got dressed in his traditional clan robes, and walked out side. it was raining and he could feel each and every little droplet of watter as they ran down his face, he took two very deep breaths, made the hand signs and with every ounce of energy in his body screamed out "Raiko sao no jutsu" and with a flash of light and sound he could feel every cell in his body charging with electricity knowing that he had compleated the jutsu he had tried so hard to master he fell to his knees. when he hit the ground his knees felt as if they had landed on soft pillows, as began to loose the ability to control his chakra properly the energy he had gathered left him and he fell to the ground his face hitting the soft grass as he passed out with smirk on his face and a strong sense of accomplishment knowing that his journey as a Kumogakure village ninja had begun.
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Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2007 5:34 pm
how bout now i think i did alot better now that ive got a better grasp of what was being expected of my rp.
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Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2007 5:38 pm
punctuation was prolly alittle off but not too bad
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Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2007 5:45 pm
Dude...stop doing the double/triple post thing.
Secondly, try going over your post a couple of times before hitting that submit button. If you want to pass the RP Academy, and be a good addition to the Raiken clan, you need to know when to use the caps lock and when to use the proper grammar. Also, punctuation is a must.
Please...put that effort forth in order to make your post better.
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Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2007 6:06 pm
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Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2007 6:15 pm
i think i fixed it
Hayaku awoke from his deep sleep in the middle of the night haunted by one thing and one thing only. Why cant I master that jutsu. he thought about this a lot but decided that enough is enough. So he wiped the sweat from his brow, got dressed in his traditional clan robes, and walked outside. It was raining and he could feel each and every little droplet of water as they ran down his face, he took two very deep breaths, made the hand signs and with every ounce of energy in his body screamed out "RAIKO SAO NO JUTSU" and with a flash of light and sound he could feel every cell in his body charging with electricity knowing that he had competed the jutsu he had tried so hard to master he fell to his knees. When he hit the ground his knees felt as if they had landed on soft pillows, as began to loose the ability to control his chakra properly the energy he had gathered left him and he fell to the ground his face hitting the soft grass as he passed out with smirk on his face and a strong sense of accomplishment knowing that his journey as a Kumogakure village ninja had begun.
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Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2007 7:20 pm
Don't forget spacing your posts so that they're easier to read, Onix.
Hayaku awoke from his deep sleep in the middle of the night haunted by one thing and one thing only. Why cant I master that jutsu? He thought about this a lot but decided that enough is enough. So he wiped the sweat from his brow, got dressed in his traditional clan robes, and walked outside. It was raining and he could feel each and every little droplet of water as they ran down his face, he took two very deep breaths, made the hand signs and with every ounce of energy in his body screamed out four words.
"RAIKO SAO NO JUTSU!"
With a flash of light and sound he could feel every cell in his body charging with electricity. Knowing that he had competed the jutsu he had tried so hard to master he fell to his knees. When he hit the ground his knees felt as if they had landed on soft pillows. As began to loose the ability to control his chakra properly the energy he had gathered left him and he fell to the ground his face hitting the soft grass as he passed out with smirk on his face. A strong sense of accomplishment flowed through him, the young boy knowing that his journey as a Kumogakure village ninja had begun.
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