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Inka felt his face grow slack in surprise - perhaps even shock - at Syy so accurately, and confidently, guessing the man whom Inka had been with that morning. Was it so obvious even then? That Inka had been so effectively smitten with another man that Sypher had noticed as soon as he had spotted them. And... honestly, of course it was. It was nice to allow himself that moment of feeling the centre of attention - outside of a briefing room. He could make excuses how the parents of children Minowa's age (appearance wise) would pity Inka for being a single father, but it has always been Inka keeping them at arms length for not wanting to witness what a 'perfect' parent could be (because ancestors know he isn't it). Or how he needed to keep up the barrier between himself and his co-workers for the sake of professionalism, of boundaries. But he knew he was scared of appearing unreliable to them. Or the guilt of having been so viciously, outrageously harsh when first meeting Severin, of Severin first expressing his interest in Inka (platonic or not) but Inka was, truthfully, painfully honestly, lonely.

Inka pressed his lips tight, pain pulling at the corners of his eyes, but the Hizara didn't confirm the man he was with that morning was Severin, wondering whether giving a name was the right thing to do at all. If Syy thought he was lying, maybe. But to just... drag the Raigyo into Inka's own mess seemed... it seemed like something Inka needed to own up to. Not drag others into. Not anymore than he already has. Still, it hurt to see Syy so easily remove the ring he had only just placed so confidently onto his finger, enough so Inka wasn't able to stop himself from looking in, suddenly feeling a desperate need to breath through his mouth, as though starving of air. The sight of fingers brushing over an object that Inka had once held so reverently, had secreted away and thought forever lost in murky depths... He feared Syy was going to give it back to Inka the way Syy looked at it. It would be deserved, he reasoned, to be so thoroughly rejected after such a massive break of what emotional bond Syy assumed they had with each other.

"Please don't blame him." Inka managed to say, voice soft. His face was downcast and slightly turned away, doing his best to keep his face from showing too much emotion, as if that would somehow wrong Syy any further. "The fault entirely lies with me." If he wanted to say anything further, it wouldn't have come as his attention was wholly snatched up by Syy reaching up to remove the chain from his neck. With a pinched, pained expression, Inka waited, head bowed slightly in acceptance, but the ring was never offered. Amber eyes could only stare at Syy's chest in disbelief after witnessing Syy deciding to keep the engagement ring Inka had gotten for him.

"The way I went about it was." It shouldn't have made him confident, seeing Syy keep the ring. Not after what Inka had done to him, but it did. "I know I don't have any right in saying this, but I still want us to try. Being together." He tried to clarify, but he knew, if he kept going like this, it wouldn't make sense. So he stopped, sat back a little bit and just breathed, knuckles of one hand pressed to his forehead as he struggled to get his thoughts in order. "It's wrong of me to say - it hurts so much to see you without that confidence I remember you for.

It felt good," He spoke, softer now, out of guilt or shame or maybe even embarrassment as well. "feeling someone so confidently pursue me. But maybe I liked it so much because it reminded me of you. That maybe, ultimately, I still want you." The last words were rushed out, unsteady and lacking confidence, but tinged by the red in the tips of his ears. "I used to imagine finding you but even at the most horrible scenario, I never once considered you'd be any different from how I remember you to be. That you wouldn't be able to shake off anything thrown at you and we'd immediately be getting into arguments again and I took comfort in that. I took comfort in knowing I would have you to rely on again and I..." He sucks in a breath, amber eyes still resting on Syy's chest. "I didn't realise till now how much you might have needed me to be that for you. I failed in being that for you - not just this morning, but this entire time because I'm only just realising this now. Because I focused on what I wanted. On how I thought things would go and I didn't take a moment to reconsider how to handle the actual reality of our situation." Inka sighs, covering his mouth with a hand as he fought against the feeling of being unsteady in his own body.

"Maybe this won't..." He swallows. "Maybe this won't work out. Maybe it will but we just need to find a way to make it so. But I know I want to try." He looks up, hoping that he appeared at least half as restrained and calm as he was trying to be. "If you're okay with that."

Amber eyes locked onto the movement of Syy's hand reaching and taking hold of his own - pale digits clasped over tan skin, interlocking. And wasn't that a sight he had forgotten he had used to long over. And it hurt - damn him into the dirt and beyond but it hurt so much and all he could hear over the buzz in his ears were his own fears that this was all going to end in more pain because Inka can't keep his s**t together for more than a few minutes. He manages to push out a small sound of acquiescence because he does want to try too. For all his worries and concerns, he wishes they could go back in time and make things right. And maybe that's not the same thing, but what would running away reveal but his own inability to make a decision?

It felt like a damn breaking, heat and want and relief all at once when Syy kissed him. His hands were numb - all he felt was the kiss and buzzing grew louder in his head. The Hizara shifted forward, leaning in to press his forehead hard into the older man's shoulder. The hand Syy had taken and pressed to his chest curled into a fist, fingers caging in and around the unrelenting outline of that damnable ring. "Me neither." He whispered back, wishing he just had the answers. Any answers. Even if just one - as though that would be enough to figure everything else out. Maybe it would.

He tried to bury the guilt and confusion - not like how he used, in the mountain of 's**t-that-must-not-be-named,' but neatly away in a filing cabinet to be dissected and figured out later. Instead, he tried to just, accept what was being offered, his eyes slightly unfocused in the effort of being pliant and open. He sighed through his nose when his mouth was sealed and rested his head into the hand that cradled his cheek. Unbidden, a muscle pulled at the corner of his lips at the cheeky implication Syy made with his suggestion. Inka hummed, thoughtful for a second, trying to find the words.

"Did we properly decide separate beds in the first place?" He teased, barely moving his jaw so as to not offset the hand that held it. "I don't recall a vote being made. We make votes now, by the way." He joked, eyes staying shut but in a relaxed, trusting state. "We make unanimous votes on paper and put them into a hat and only by majority vote does anything get decided. The balance is out now that there is three of us again." It was really beyond Inka how he could still deserve so much love and compassion from this man, but it wasn't Syy Inka needed to unload his concerns on - he had professionals now, to help him sort out his s**t and actually formulate it into making sense.

Picking himself up from the ground, Inka headed off to the training grounds. He needed to clear his head.

[ exit to : Sparring Grounds ]