Welcome to Gaia! ::

It just happens man we cant do anything about it but keep going forward until we see an open door. I used to be a mess, completely horrible time, I acted like I was okay to please other people, nothing changed. I got in a relationship with a girl who lied and cheated constantly, lost most of my friends in the process..... Never did anything but, lay around feeling like s**t, checking Gaia and trying to figure out what I had done. Im not gonna say my life is perfect again, but things are brightening now, I got a girl who really cares about me. I have some really good friends again and I actually have a life.... you just gotta feel down to be able to push yourself up... I know that sounds weird. o.O

Edit: Post 60300

At least you had someone you thought cared about you like that. Your beyond the point of being able to comprehend what it is like to have never known that feeling. Yeah. My mom cares about me, but not like that. Even an illusion is better than nothing at all. Like I've said, I accepted it, but it still ******** sucks. Nothing is going to make me hate anything about it any less. I realize I'm far from bad off, but this is my hell, not someone else's. The only point of comparison I have is the world around me, in which I am at the bottom.

I dont doubt that our situations were just as different as they are similar, but, you cant get any lowerright, you can only keep going up. Maybe you should just take a break from trying so hard, if thats what you have been doing, just stop trying and think about things, or dont whatever makes it easier. Then when you are as coontent as you can get, just go back to working hard to get up there again; sometimes you just need a break to see things differently. (Though honestly Im not sure you could get a break from everything thats causing you problems, but any at all would be easier on you.)

Blah blah blah. For the vast majority of people paths are unchangeable. Why do you think we look so highly upon those people that are able to change theirs? Glorify them even? Because it's one in a million. Our society bludgeons people into their pre-made molds. Whether or not you want to you're ultimately another puzzle piece.

I mean, think about it. You could be great at something like art, but finding a job, a real job, would be nearly impossible if you didn't a piece of paper saying that someone else told you and other people that you are good at art. Skill counts for almost nothing in this world now because there are millions of other people with the same skills as you and me and with the way things are right now a substitute for you and me is nothing more than a click away.

I don't necessarily love the path that I'm on, but I've accepted the fact that getting off of this point would be stupid beyond all belief.

I told myself I couldn't get any lower when my dad left, when the girl I liked shut me down, when I lost my first car, when the stupid placement thing at school shoved me in the wrong math class and I had to take an F and when I found out I'm going to loose my car, my pride and joy. It hasn't stopped yet and I still have a lot left to loose.

Time skip... now!

Q
just throwing this out there. That during the time we rp'd together you have become like an older brother of interwebby goodness. KThx