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Romeo for Tay Vice Captain
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 Posted: Fri Aug 03, 2007 7:22 pm
Alright, I just have one question before showing you some things with your post.
Is it, in your description, that you have problems actually describing it directly right?
I'm pretty sure that's what you mean, but I'm a bit vague in understanding real world conversation. xD
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Posted: Fri Aug 03, 2007 7:29 pm
I've been burning in water and drowning in flame...Yes, I'm having trouble...not getting right straight to the point. I add a little description, but not nearly enough, it seems. I tend to get straight to the point and not go into my surroundings all that much. ...to prove you wrong and scare you away
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Romeo for Tay Vice Captain
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Posted: Fri Aug 03, 2007 7:41 pm
Ah, okay, okay... so, one more question if you don't mind. ^_^
Do you think you can write the description, you just don't know where to put it?
Sorry for the questions. I've got something in my head going and planning! =D
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Posted: Fri Aug 03, 2007 7:56 pm
I admit my defeat and want back home...Yes, I believe that it the heart of my problem right there.
The questions are no bother, if they help you to help me. ...in your heart, under the rose.
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Romeo for Tay Vice Captain
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Posted: Fri Aug 03, 2007 8:17 pm
Alright then!
For description first, we'll work with setting, since that's always easiest for me. ^_^
Now, what I want you to do is describe what you would think a royal dining hall would look like: with the long table, the flooring, maybe designs?
And once you've done that, I'll look and read and it and show you some changes that could add more to it. ^_^
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Posted: Sat Aug 04, 2007 8:40 am
Username: +Beautifully_Mysterious+
Alias: Amanda, my real name, is fine with me!
What sort of things do you lack in: I would really like to improve on my grammer skills. Commas and semicolons are the hardest for me. I have the most trouble finding places to put them. Also, I tend to have a few run on sentences here and there.
What would you like to work on: Grammer and possibly substituting smaller words for more descriptive words. I do have a wide vocabulary, but I would like to expand it more.
How would this work best for you?: I could practice revising some posts that I write up or other random ones.
Will this process improve you?: I'm sure it would!
Other: Not that I can think of.
I am not sure if you can help me here with my needs. If not, I will go to another thread and get help. I know this place is for lengthening your posts which is why I am not sure.
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Posted: Sat Aug 04, 2007 10:08 am
Romeo for Tay Alright then! For description first, we'll work with setting, since that's always easiest for me. ^_^ Now, what I want you to do is describe what you would think a royal dining hall would look like: with the long table, the flooring, maybe designs? And once you've done that, I'll look and read and it and show you some changes that could add more to it. ^_^ I'll give it my best shot.
Jade walked into the dining hall and her breath caught in her throat. It was always just as she'd imagined. The walls were made of stone, but were not jagged or rough. She was fascinated by this, because they were not polished either. Much work went into each and every one of the stones used in this room. Her eyes followed the length of the wall to the ornate, gold-plated candlesticks in the wall, each holding a lit candle. She continued, pausing at each of the candles, until she reached the tapestry. It was obviously old, had been in the room for many, many years. The fabrick was beginning to fade, but the picture being displayed was a battle of some sort. A knight fighting bravely, probably a dragon from what she could see.
After her eyes drank in the walls, they moved to the table, which was just as elegant as she'd wanted it to be. Made of a hardwood, stained and polished to perfection, a design carved delecately into the edges of the wood that she could not quite make out from where she stood. The chairs, high-backed, straight, made of the same darkwood, looked rather uncomfortable in her opinion.
The floor was next, as her eyes wandered down the leg of one of the chairs. A crimson carpet surrounded the perimeter of the table, and flowed seemlessly into the polished marble of the floor. ...scorching the blood in my vampre heart
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Posted: Sat Aug 04, 2007 12:45 pm
Well, Amanda, there isn't anything open for grammar and such so I'd still like to help you. ^_^ What I'd like you to do is give me an example of your writing and I'll edit it and show where you can put certain things. We'll work form there.
And as for you Ashlay, I'll have the next thing up in a moment! =D
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Romeo for Tay Vice Captain
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Romeo for Tay Vice Captain
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Posted: Sat Aug 04, 2007 5:47 pm
Actually, Amanda, if you'd like, the Precision class seems to have opened up recently. ^_^ But I could still help you as well.
And sorry Ashlay I haven't got anything up yet, I've been a bit busy today. ^^;;
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Posted: Sun Aug 05, 2007 5:02 pm
Alright then Ashlay! I like your style of writing. But with the setting, you literally got straight to the point, even if you think you have trouble with it. ^_^ But sometimes getting straight to the point isn't the best. You see, setting isn't always what is around the character, but the setting and it's own features. What I mean is, instead of literally describing everything there is in the room, try and give feel to the setting. When writing, give age to the old royal room, give history to it, and acknowledge it. If Jade was so... astonished, would she also be astonished in it's age? ^__^ Quote: Jade walked into the dining hall and her breath caught in her throat. It was always just as she'd imagined. The walls were made of stone, but were not jagged or rough. She was fascinated by this, because they were not polished either. Much work went into each and every one of the stones used in this room .---Here, you could add something about why it was so smooth yet not polished, giving reason to it!--- Her eyes followed the length of the wall to the ornate, gold-plated candlesticks in the wall, each holding a lit candle. She continued, pausing at each of the candles, until she reached the tapestry. ---Are the lit candles giving off a scent of wax or somethign else? Just an idea.--- It was obviously old, had been in the room for many, many years. The fabrick was beginning to fade, but the picture being displayed was a battle of some sort. A knight fighting bravely, probably a dragon from what she could see. After her eyes drank in the walls, they moved to the table, which was just as elegant as she'd wanted it to be. Made of a hardwood, stained and polished to perfection, a design carved delecately into the edges of the wood that she could not quite make out from where she stood. The chairs, high-backed, straight, made of the same darkwood, looked rather uncomfortable in her opinion. The floor was next, as her eyes wandered down the leg of one of the chairs. A crimson carpet surrounded the perimeter of the table, and flowed seemlessly into the polished marble of the floor. We'll start with the first paragraph for now. ^-^
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Romeo for Tay Vice Captain
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Posted: Sun Aug 05, 2007 6:30 pm
Hold me like you held onto life...Alright, let me try this again.
Jade walked into the dining hall and her breath caught in her throat. It was always just as she'd imagined. The walls were made of stone, but were not jagged or rough. At least not at a glance, which was all people of this class ever gave it. But...it was not polished either, which fascinated her, a middle-class simple girl, all the more. She ran her hand over it, feeling the rough stone under her fingers as she imagined the stone-work that must have gone into each and every one of those bricks.
Her eyes followed the length of the wall to the ornate, gold-plated candlesticks in the wall, each holding a lit candle. Some were white, others a very pale blue. She wondered if this was planned, or if there had been some problems while the candles were being dipped. She banished the thoughts. Proper women weren't supposed to know such things as candle-making or stone-crafting. The room, she noticed while inhaling a small breath, smelled slightly of the melting wax, bringing her back images from home and causing a small smile to play on her lips. Her eyes paused over each candle, until she reached the tapestry. It was old, that much was obvious, and had not been moved from the room in many, many years. The fabric was beginning to fade from age, but the picture being displayed was most definitely a battle of some sort. A knight fighting bravely, probably a dragon from what her eyes could make out in the imperfect lighting of the room.
There, the first paragraph...though it seems to have turned into two.
...when all fears came around and entombed me
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Posted: Mon Aug 06, 2007 12:03 am
With the Wings of an Angel...
Username:Rain Goltana
Alias: I've been known on the internet for years as Night, My real name is Jarett, Feel free to call me by either.
What sort of things do you lack in: I used to battle in Turn-Based Logic, So I got used to not putting useless descriptions of my actions into my posts ( Only the bare requirements to describe my situation as clearly and fluently as possible. ) So I think my current Role Play style lacks a lot in the length area.
What would you like to work on: Post length and description.
How would this work best for you?: I think that Some out post battles or role play could help a lot in the area.
Will this process improve you?: Im pretty sure that it will get my mind back in the frame of Quantity And Quality not just Quality.
Other: I like cheese heart
...And The Horns of a Devil
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Posted: Mon Aug 06, 2007 12:43 am
With the Wings of an Angel...
Under a silver moon, a dark silhouette emerges from behind an large black willow tree. Its long, narrow, yellow-green shining leaves reflect the moonlight well and illuminate the canopy of the tree's above. He dredges through the thick spring undergrowth made up of dense ivy's that hook and tangle themselves on his lanky legs.
" Ga'damnit, These damn vines. " he says angrily to himself in discontent.
He walks out slowly through the thicket into a clearing in the condensed roof of tree's above him. The bright full moon shines down to light this figure up. From head to toe he dawns; slightly off center he has a black musketeer hat with a long white feather pierced through the left side upon his head, a black vest with a crest threaded into it's fabric on his chest with a long worn black cape trimmed in white thread around his shoulders, black tights trimmed in white as well cover his lower half held up by a belt with a beautifully engraved buckle bearing the crest of the lion, his feet sport pointed toe black leather boots threaded with white.
He garnishes a Estramacon that is masterfully engraved in the crest of the lion. His pale white hand rests upon the hilt which is a lions head. The man stops to look up at the stars, from under his hat his pale skin and deep blue eyes appear, despite his disdain for the conditions he is currently in he wears a sparkling smirk. After a short stare into the sky he obtains his position and continues on through the woods. After a short trek through the thicket he emerges from the forest to see a homely farmhouse set upon a knoll that over looks terrace after terrace of grain and other various plants.
" Ah, Finally I am back. " he says with a bit of glee.
He begins walking up towards the home, climbs up a rock wall divider and goes of site.
...And The Horns of a Devil
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Posted: Tue Aug 07, 2007 4:56 pm
Gahh!!! I'm sooo sorry I haven't been on.
But I'm not on for logn periods of time at the moment, and it will probably be like that for a few more days. Probably until I get a little motivated to come on again.
I want to help you guys more than anything. And I haven't forgotten, so patience pelase be on my side. @.@
Just busy busy busy, and other sorts of things that make me stay away from the comp.
I'll help soon, though! =D
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Romeo for Tay Vice Captain
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Posted: Tue Aug 07, 2007 5:03 pm
The blood on the hands is the wine...It's fine. Take your time. smile ...we offer a sacrifice
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