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 Posted: Sat Jul 14, 2007 2:12 pm
“Whoa!! How about a little warning.”
Liran struggled to stay on his feet for a minute. Once he got his balance back he asked,
“By the way, what’s your name?”
Liran felt the heat of the sun beat on him, plus the exhaustion from running started to set in a little.
He looked at the ground of him looking for anything that might throw them off balance. He saw his, and the boy’s feet cutting through the air like blades. They move swiftly through the alleys. Liran watched the stones fly by them.
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Posted: Sat Jul 14, 2007 5:50 pm
Vanyel walk slowly up the abbey path, not entirely sure how he had come to be here. After hearing whispered rumors and gossip about the Garden Abbey, he had come to observe. Then the blond warrior had come to the gate, and now he was here, walking toward to famous abbey and garden. A slight breeze welled up from the direction of the colorful flowers, and he caught a whiff of a fragrant scent. The others here went about their business without seeming to notice him. Finally he reached the 3 story building and went inside.
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Posted: Sun Jul 15, 2007 6:28 am
-Valnea- (( Wow it's been a while since I posted... I really need to get a laptop... anywho I guess I'll post here for some practice and maybe for someone else to post with since chatting with your self can get rather boring. Plus I think Valnea's hungry... weeks of travel can do that to someone. ))
Valnea's knees were sore from having weight on them for nearly half an hour and her feet had fallen asleep about half way through prayer. Using her right arm as support she stood on her wobbly legs. With a polite smile she did a respectful bow to the monks around her and set forth toward the exit. Her mental clock was telling her it was about six and she would prefer not to go to bed the first night hungry.
"Of course it doesn't matter if the food they have is uneatable..." She mumbled quietly to herself. Talking to herself was an old habit that simply refused to die no matter how many times she mentally scolded herself. It was also why some got the strange idea in their head that she wasn't mentally sound.
That's because they obviously haven't met me in a debate worth my time...The thought made her smirk with amusement as she passed through the set of large wooden doors.
No problem, if everyone posted at once, I'd never have a moment to myself. XD Course not as if everyone isn't coming along swimmingly. :3 Okay, lets get down to it.
Quote: She mumbled quietly to herself. Quote: "Of course it doesn't matter if the food they have is uneatable...", she mumbled quietly.
XD
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Posted: Sun Jul 15, 2007 7:33 am
"Raoden! And sorry!" he answered without looking behind him. He was becoming slightly breathless from running, but years of practice kept the fatigue away. When he saw the large, open doors ahead of him he ground to a stop, just in time to keep himself from running straight through, and looked behind him to the boy he'd practically dragged here.
He kept up! I better be careful not to offend him. He might actually catch me...
He swallowed and glanced around nervously before scurrying behind the boy.
"Sorry about that. I'm Raoden." he repeated, then lightly prodded the boy in the back wispering anxiously, "You go in first. And what's your name?"
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Posted: Sun Jul 15, 2007 7:54 am
Aniur -Valnea- (( Wow it's been a while since I posted... I really need to get a laptop... anywho I guess I'll post here for some practice and maybe for someone else to post with since chatting with your self can get rather boring. Plus I think Valnea's hungry... weeks of travel can do that to someone. ))
Valnea's knees were sore from having weight on them for nearly half an hour and her feet had fallen asleep about half way through prayer. Using her right arm as support she stood on her wobbly legs. With a polite smile she did a respectful bow to the monks around her and set forth toward the exit. Her mental clock was telling her it was about six and she would prefer not to go to bed the first night hungry.
"Of course it doesn't matter if the food they have is uneatable..." She mumbled quietly to herself. Talking to herself was an old habit that simply refused to die no matter how many times she mentally scolded herself. It was also why some got the strange idea in their head that she wasn't mentally sound.
That's because they obviously haven't met me in a debate worth my time...The thought made her smirk with amusement as she passed through the set of large wooden doors.
No problem, if everyone posted at once, I'd never have a moment to myself. XD Course not as if everyone isn't coming along swimmingly. :3 Okay, lets get down to it.
Quote: She mumbled quietly to herself. Quote: "Of course it doesn't matter if the food they have is uneatable...", she mumbled quietly.
XD((To tell you the truth I need all the help I can get! Right now I'm working on a pretty big project, one I'm actually considering to try and get published. Rping is a great way for me to study multiple personalities and what interests people. Having someone who can catch the little stuff helps me greatly and does make a difference in how writing looks. You have a great idea here and I hope you don't mind me sticking around... wink ))
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Posted: Sun Jul 15, 2007 8:18 am
-Valnea- ((To tell you the truth I need all the help I can get! Right now I'm working on a pretty big project, one I'm actually considering to try and get published. Rping is a great way for me to study multiple personalities and what interests people. Having someone who can catch the little stuff helps me greatly and does make a difference in how writing looks. You have a great idea here and I hope you don't mind me sticking around... wink ))
XD
Mystery solved then. I just didn't realize that you perhaps were looking for something like that since all I'm really doing is basic grammar. I understand though. Having someone look at your work with clean eyes helps pick the bugs out. I've had to dig deep to figure out very little problems you have, so far as to use my old college english book. XD I don't mind though. It's good to have several high level people in a lower level rp because people can learn from it. So your presence is really a boon to me.
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Posted: Sun Jul 15, 2007 8:47 pm
(If it's not too late...)
Mira stepped through the open gate, grey eyes warily taking in her surroundings. The place was empty of people. Confused, she wandered further into the abbey, searching for a sign of life. She walked through the courtyard, absently noting the neatened rows of weapons and practice dummies. Hesitating briefly, she ducked inside the abbey itself, worn slippers making barely a sound on the stone floor.
"Hello?" she called out, her voice bouncing of the walls.
Sighing, she halted in the middle of the hall, tugging nervously at her hair.
I wonder if they're already having dinner? That would explain the emptiness.
Picking a random direction, she started walking again, pulling her pack back over her shoulder as it slipped down her arm.
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Posted: Mon Jul 16, 2007 6:24 am
Announcement, please read (at least skim)
Okay kiddies. While I was on yesterday, I'm going to be off today and perhaps tomorrow so you're liable not to see me around hardly at all. Here are a few questions answered.
Yes, I will be trying to get a post in before I leave today.
I will be looking at your posts as they have been posted though because Alex finally got back to me you might see a poorly translated German post pop up before I get to anyone else. Poorly because my first language is English and second is Spanish. So I will be relying on this : http://babelfish.altavista.com/ to help me teach him about English grammar.
Looks like we have two new students, so be nice to them. :3
LadyFireCat- no its not too late, this is an on going rp you can jump in at any time.
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Posted: Wed Jul 18, 2007 9:06 am
Squireof the son “Whoa!! How about a little warning.”
Liran struggled to stay on his feet for a minute. Once he got his balance back he asked,
“By the way, what’s your name?”
Liran felt the heat of the sun beat on him, plus the exhaustion from running started to set in a little.
He looked at the ground of him looking for anything that might throw them off balance. He saw his, and the boy’s feet cutting through the air like blades. They move swiftly through the alleys. Liran watched the stones fly by them. Quote: Liran felt the heat of the sun beat on him...
Your second paragraph needs some work though, you got a little sloppy.Quote: He looked at the ground of him looking for anything that might throw them off balance. Quote: Looking at the ground, he searched for anything that might throw them off balance. Quote: He saw his, and the boy’s feet cutting through the air like blades. Quote: As he looked down, he saw the boy's feet and his own cutting through the air like blades.
Lastly, this:Quote: They move swiftly through the alleys. Liran watched the stones fly by them Quote: Liran watched stones flying past them as they moved swiftly through the alleys.
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Posted: Wed Jul 18, 2007 9:48 am
TwoDou Vanyel walk slowly up the abbey path, not entirely sure how he had come to be here. After hearing whispered rumors and gossip about the Garden Abbey, he had come to observe. Then the blond warrior had come to the gate, and now he was here, walking toward to famous abbey and garden. A slight breeze welled up from the direction of the colorful flowers, and he caught a whiff of a fragrant scent. The others here went about their business without seeming to notice him. Finally he reached the 3 story building and went inside. Quote: Vanyel walk slowly up the abbey path, not entirely sure how he had come to be here. After hearing whispered rumors and gossip about the Garden Abbey, he had come to observe. Quote: After hearing whispered rumors and gossip about the Garden Abbey, he had come at the very least to observe. Quote: He wanted to be sad. I can't help but be upset. She was being blackmailed. I nstead of be you might have used the word arrived. It specifically goes to the fact you physically went from one place to another and are now currently here. Next:Quote: Then the blond warrior had come to the gate, and now he was here, walking toward to famous abbey and garden. Quote: The blond warrior approached the gates. Here he was, standing before them, then walking through the heavy iron entrance towards the famous abbey and garden, something he could scarcely believe. ? Quote: The others here went about their business without seeming to notice him. Finally he reached the 3 story building and went inside. Quote: The others around him went about their business, not seeming to notice him.
XD
:3
Questions?Comments?Complaints? Post them with your next paragraph.
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Posted: Wed Jul 18, 2007 11:44 am
Aniur Questions?Comments?Complaints? Post them with your next paragraph. ((Ok, I'll be more careful. When I mentioned the gate, it was in the context that he didn't realize that anyone actually opened it to go in or out, he assumed that those that were in, stayed in and those outside stayed outside. sweatdrop )) Van looked wandered around the grounds, trying to get some idea of the layout of the shrine, and soon came to a church or temple. Not being very religious himself, he wasn't sure which it was. There were many rows of benches, and an ornate table at one end. There were paintings and statues all around. Then he heard shuffling behind him. As he turned, the old man in robes seemed to become aware of him. "Hello, and the Lord be with you." the man said solemnly. Van stood there, not sure how to reply to this kind of greeting. "Uhm, thank you?" he said, hoping that he wouldn't be offended. The man simply sighed, as if tired beyond words with the world. ((I hope this is better.))
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Posted: Wed Jul 18, 2007 2:46 pm
Omirao "Raoden! And sorry!" he answered without looking behind him. He was becoming slightly breathless from running, but years of practice kept the fatigue away. When he saw the large, open doors ahead of him he ground to a stop, just in time to keep himself from running straight through, and looked behind him to the boy he'd practically dragged here. He kept up! I better be careful not to offend him. He might actually catch me... He swallowed and glanced around nervously before scurrying behind the boy. "Sorry about that. I'm Raoden." he repeated, then lightly prodded the boy in the back wispering anxiously, "You go in first. And what's your name?"
Lets get down to it.
Be sure to put a comma after your quote and before the action of saying it. So:Quote: "Stuff,saying stuff', he said while riding a bike. Quote: When he saw the large, open doors ahead of him he ground to a stop, just in time to keep himself from running straight through, and looked behind him to the boy he'd practically dragged here. Quote: When he saw the large open doors ahead of him, he ground to a stop. It was just in time to keep himself from running straight through with the boy he had practically dragged here.
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Posted: Thu Jul 19, 2007 11:54 am
LadyFireCat (If it's not too late...) Mira stepped through the open gate, grey eyes warily taking in her surroundings. The place was empty of people. Confused, she wandered further into the abbey, searching for a sign of life. She walked through the courtyard, absently noting the neatened rows of weapons and practice dummies. Hesitating briefly, she ducked inside the abbey itself, worn slippers making barely a sound on the stone floor. "Hello?" she called out, her voice bouncing of the walls. Sighing, she halted in the middle of the hall, tugging nervously at her hair. I wonder if they're already having dinner? That would explain the emptiness.Picking a random direction, she started walking again, pulling her pack back over her shoulder as it slipped down her arm.
First of all, welcome. I am honored that you would choose to come here and sorry yet again for taking so long. XD I took the kids to the water park Monday and they wore me out.
Now lets get down to it. It looks like you have a fairly good grasp of what you should be doing so all I might be able to do is give you very few grammar tips here and there and perhaps prompt you with questions about the surroundings. What I would like to know is what are you looking to get out of this? :3 So with that lets go to the first minor issue.
Quote: Confused, she wandered further into the abbey, searching for a sign of life.
The only other thing that could possibly be wrong is this:Quote: Picking a random direction, she started walking again, pulling her pack back over her shoulder as it slipped down her arm.
You don't need that first comma. The picking of a direction and then walking are linked together. Yes they are two actions, but being dependent on each other you don't need that pause in between them like you do with the pulling of the backpack.
Otherwise, very good. I'd say you're pretty much up there with Valnea and myself. Questions, comments, concerns? Voice them.
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Posted: Thu Jul 19, 2007 12:04 pm
(I suppose I'm just trying to get a bit of practice in? I'm kinda new to Rping scene, and I didn't really know what to do. So, I'd be grateful if you could give me any tips. Thanks, again.)
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Posted: Thu Jul 19, 2007 1:26 pm
TwoDou ((Ok, I'll be more careful. When I mentioned the gate, it was in the context that he didn't realize that anyone actually opened it to go in or out, he assumed that those that were in, stayed in and those outside stayed outside. sweatdrop )) Van looked wandered around the grounds, trying to get some idea of the layout of the shrine, and soon came to a church or temple. Not being very religious himself, he wasn't sure which it was. There were many rows of benches, and an ornate table at one end. There were paintings and statues all around. Then he heard shuffling behind him. As he turned, the old man in robes seemed to become aware of him. "Hello, and the Lord be with you." the man said solemnly. Van stood there, not sure how to reply to this kind of greeting. "Uhm, thank you?" he said, hoping that he wouldn't be offended. The man simply sighed, as if tired beyond words with the world. ((I hope this is better.)) Quote: Van looked wandered around the grounds, trying to get some idea of the layout of the shrine, and soon came to a church or temple. Quote: Van looked around as he wandered the grounds, trying to get some idea of the layout of the shrine. Soon, he came to a church or temple. Quote: There were paintings and statues all around. Quote: Paintings hung on the walls and statues flanked the long hallways. Quote: As he turned, the old man in robes seemed to become aware of him. Quote: As he turned, an old man came into view out of the corner of his eye. Looking up, the elderly man seemed to become aware of his presence.
:3
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