Welcome to Gaia! ::

Tonight was made for... what? His friend had a point. This visit had actually been his father's suggestion, though a chance he'd leapt at. He'd wanted-- well, mostly he'd just wanted a chance to spend more time with his friend, in hopes that having him near might help him sort his feelings out, somewhat. As if constant exposure might somehow burn off the intensity of his feelings.

"It is something I would like to be taught." His finger's continued their absent stroaking, as he attempted to find the words to fit the wandering of his thoughts.

"Our Unit, Anne. Will it succeed in its purpose?" The question was asked without any change in town, he still sounded distant, maybe a little bruised. "This second life, with the mind of the first. It is cruel, isn't it? Awareness, with little control."

And it was with those words that he discovered his fingers and forced them still. "Very little control."

What the, wait. Huh?!? He had been having a perfectly reasonable sulk, and now he was pinned on his stomach. If it hadn't been such a shock, he might have slipped into a deeper sulk, at being caught so off guard. But it was too much of a shock for that, and so he lay, with a Kian on top of him, listening to the half chiding words of his friends.

And then... anger. If not at his friend directly, then at the entire situation, and Kian was part of that situation. Kian was the frusterating guilt that gnawed at him, all self hate and exhausted loathing.

And he was tired of it.

Jerking his hands loose roughly, he pushed open his wings, using them as further limbs to unbalance the other boy. Managing to get to his feet, he actually glared at Anne, his eyes free of his hair for once.

"It is not so simple as you wish it, comrade. If I have learned anything, anything from any of this, it is not to trust passion. To never lose control."

Still, his hands were clenched to fists. "But I will fight you. With fists, or with weapons if you wish them."

So Kian wanted explosions? Autsu was all too ready to explode. The past was still close to the surface, and while he tended toward control now, Di'Esuth had been ruled by his passions. It was that passion in him now, the sort that had led to nearly as many screaming matches with Ex'Narin as it had embraces.

He spoke then, but the words were in the low furious hissing of his own language. He'd gone a few sentences before he caught himself and forced Gaian phrases out between clenched teeth. "Do not presume to know my desires."

He advanced then, with grace and speed that gave clear evidence to the hours he spent training himself daily. His tactics however, might have done better with some forethinking, he swung quick and fast for Kian's stomach, before stepping backwards and to the left.

He had meant to hit his friend. He had meant to hit him as he had, to steal his breath, and stop further taunting words. He had not thought beyond that first impact, indeed, he wasn't thinking much at all. So while he had moved to dodge, he had moved as if he were sparring his father. He hadn't thought to take his friend's tail into account. And he, of all people, should have known to think of that issue.

The hit was a good one, solid enough to rock his slighter form and set him stumbling. Had he grounded himself, he would have been fine, but he was not thinking like a fighter, not really. He trained daily, but it had been long since he'd been a fighter.

Grunting, he swung wildly toward Kian's chin, but it was a hit without much force behind it, coming as it did from a delicate boy who was awkwardly trying to regain his balance.

The first push was so unexpected that it set Autsu stumbling backwards. The second he was ready for, squaring his stance and simply absorbing the impact. The unexpectness of the pushing, combined with his familiar nickname, stopped his reckless attack. He stood, his breath coming in harsh pants, not from exhaustion but from emotion.

This was too much. So Kian wanted to see what happened when he lost control? Did he really?

His hands shot out, almost as if he were going to push Kian in turn. Instead, he grabbed his friend by the shoulders, and yanked him forward. The kiss was not much of a kiss, unexpected angry first kisses rarely are. But it was, unquestionably, exactly that, the rough mashing of lips against lips.

"Does that satisfy you, friend?" He asked, still holding Kian's shoulders. "Have I given up enough control?"

Any other time, he might have turned away in shame and self hate. But he was running on adrenaline, anger, and desire.

If he had expected a reaction, it hadn't been that one. Of course, he hadn't been thinking, not really. But still, he hadn't thought Kian might react with so mild a query. And yet, it was so like his friend to throw him off in this way. It was, in part, why he valued him.

And now, now that thought and reason were returning to him, self loathing rose like bile in his throat, and he just stared in blank shock as Kian's hands cupped his face. The loathing twisted up inside him, becoming anger again, though of a kind he could handle. Could... control. But something had changed. A line had been crossed. It would be crossed again.

He laughed, a sound as harsh as the kiss had been. "I am sorry if I bruised you, Anne. Any part of you."

He released his grip, though he didn't pull away from those red nails. "Do not be greedy, ally. I can not give you the anger meant for others."

There were a lot of situations in which Autsu wasn't comfortable carrying on a conversation. One of those situations was standing with Kian's hands running over his face. He did not, however, complain, using that old trip of focusing on the words instead of the situation. Until of course, Kian kissed him. That got a blink, and a hiss of inhaled air. He had not meant to start anything, to make Kian think such actions were appropriate.

He, well, he hadn't been thinking. That much was clear.

"Ally..." He was not good with this. He had not ever been so, not before, with Narin. And prior to that, well, soldiers trysts were simple things, meant for enjoyment without complications. And Kian could not be so. Could he? No. His friend was an innocent, in these manners at least. But it had been nice, the feel of it, very nice.

"I was not grounded in my stance, or the hit would have landed more squarely." He fell back to familiar matter, ready to pretend that it had been nothing, that it had not happened at. "We will need to spar so more often, or I will be useless to you."

"They no longer unbalance me, but I fail to see how they might be used in a fight." Autsu admitted, self conciously opening them and showing off his still growing wingspan. He streached them to their full extent then, twisting to feel the tender pull of new bruises. Well, his friend's tail had certainly left its mark, he could tell that.

As his wings resettled themselves at his back, he looked at his friend and tilted his head slightly as he examined him. "Your hair is so long, Anne. Does it not get in your way?"

He had not noticed before, how long it was. He had tried, most times, not to look at Kian too closely.

"Of what sort? Durable? Soft? Heavy? Light?"