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 Posted: Sat Dec 16, 2006 10:10 pm
hold tight to each other and this will make your bond stronger. Husbands can be wondrful people when they want to be (grin).
Is your fever down yet?
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Posted: Sat Dec 16, 2006 10:59 pm
Destiny05 *sigh* every day it gets harder...not easier. Today my wonderful husband bought me a flower shaped pendant with the July birth stones to remember our sweet unborn baby. Aww how sweet
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Posted: Sat Dec 16, 2006 11:12 pm
Ms Jo hold tight to each other and this will make your bond stronger. Husbands can be wondrful people when they want to be (grin). Is your fever down yet? My fever is down but I am still cramping. I really can't wait until the ultra sound is done and we know that everything is back to normal with my uterus. Two months is just going to be too long!! I hate this waiting!
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Posted: Mon Dec 18, 2006 12:57 pm
Some times the miscarrage can be a good thing for you and the baby. My mother in law had a son, then right after she concieved again with a girl. Through the whole pregnancy she spotted and the doctor's believe that because of the bleeding and her body being weakened from her first pregnancy lead to her daughter being born with a mental condition. Right after her daughter she coinceved again but it led to a miscarrage. Her body waited another three years to conceve again and she had my Andrew, as healthy as can be. Don't get me wrong he and i both love his sister very much and help his mom to take care of her, it just wan't ment to be with her third child. I guess my advice is let your body get healthy and try to be patient, if it is ment to be it will happen.
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Posted: Thu Dec 21, 2006 10:07 pm
It's really unfortunate when people tell me that my miscarriage was for the best...because SIMPLY it wasn't!!! I'm hurt and upset and I just want to have my baby. I wouldn't care if somehting was wrong with the child, I would love the child no matter what!! I simply want to be pregnant again and have my baby! It's so unfair, it's not for the best, it's been two years of trying and going to the fertility clinic and being poked and prodded and stuck with needles! *Sigh* SOrry, I just had to get that out, I'm tired of hearing it was for the best, I believe it should never have happened!!!!
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Posted: Sat Dec 23, 2006 2:40 am
In a fair world it wouldn't have happened and babies wouldn't be born everyday to crack addicted mothers. I sometimes really rebel against the unfairness too. When I lost what my doctor thought were twins (they were about 15 weeks along and the nearest the doctor could tell the one died and took the other one with him/her I was just heartsick. I know a lot of people told me it was for the best and I probably would have been overwhelmed because I already had 3 really beautiful little girls. I guess it was selfish to mourn but I still sometimes will see a young man and wonder if that is how one of my little ones would look today.
I had 2 little boys after who are now 17 and 15. Sometimes I have wondered if they were the twins and just came one at a time for my sanity's sake (grin) but I still will see a young man who would be 19 now and wonder if that is how tall my son/s would have been and what color hair, etc. The one son is blond and the other has almost black hair.
It still will hurt around the due date, but it the pain is not as sharp.
I am sorry that you had to go through this too.
Keep us posted in another 2 months, will you? We will be cheering for you! heart
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Posted: Sat Dec 23, 2006 6:21 pm
Ms Jo In a fair world it wouldn't have happened and babies wouldn't be born everyday to crack addicted mothers. I sometimes really rebel against the unfairness too. When I lost what my doctor thought were twins (they were about 15 weeks along and the nearest the doctor could tell the one died and took the other one with him/her I was just heartsick. I know a lot of people told me it was for the best and I probably would have been overwhelmed because I already had 3 really beautiful little girls. I guess it was selfish to mourn but I still sometimes will see a young man and wonder if that is how one of my little ones would look today. I had 2 little boys after who are now 17 and 15. Sometimes I have wondered if they were the twins and just came one at a time for my sanity's sake (grin) but I still will see a young man who would be 19 now and wonder if that is how tall my son/s would have been and what color hair, etc. The one son is blond and the other has almost black hair. It still will hurt around the due date, but it the pain is not as sharp. I am sorry that you had to go through this too. Keep us posted in another 2 months, will you? We will be cheering for you! heart Thank you! Finding people who understand how I feel is not easy at all. Infact my mother callously told me to just get over it, my sister inlaw sent me an email that made me cry for three hours straight and my father told me that it was for the best. I just want to scream, how stupid can you be!? At the them! Christmas is not a fun time this year. *Sigh*
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Posted: Sat Dec 23, 2006 9:48 pm
Destiny05 Thank you! Finding people who understand how I feel is not easy at all. Infact my mother callously told me to just get over it, my sister inlaw sent me an email that made me cry for three hours straight and my father told me that it was for the best. I just want to scream, how stupid can you be!? At the them! Christmas is not a fun time this year. *Sigh* more people in this world need to learn to be more supportive
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Posted: Sat Dec 23, 2006 10:16 pm
Vampire Fantasy Goddess Destiny05 Thank you! Finding people who understand how I feel is not easy at all. Infact my mother callously told me to just get over it, my sister inlaw sent me an email that made me cry for three hours straight and my father told me that it was for the best. I just want to scream, how stupid can you be!? At the them! Christmas is not a fun time this year. *Sigh* more people in this world need to learn to be more supportive Agreed!!
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Posted: Sun Dec 24, 2006 3:27 pm
Enjoy as much of Christmas as you can, though. I really think this child would have wanted you to be happy and would have brought a lot of love with him/her. This is what we mourn the most - the goodness that would have been and the loss and empty arms. Time does not necessarily heal all wounds, but it does help.
Others are not trying to be mean - it is just we make them feel uncorfortable when they don't know what to do and a lot of us take the easy way out and say "get over it" because lots of others have done so. And the British "Stiff Upper Lip" has been useful for a lot of people. I just "cubby hole" the hurt and very rarely share it - "laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you cry alone" is really true. Take the alone moments and feel what you feel, though. Work through it but remember that this child wanted to bring joy and love - not sorrow and pain to your world. Treasure that gift as soon as you can.
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Posted: Mon Dec 25, 2006 2:41 pm
I'm sorry your family isn't being more supportive, sweetheart. If it helps at all, usually the insensitive comments come from people who are acting out because they haven't figured out yet how to deal with the loss themselves. The death of a child is such a heartbreak that many people mentally cannot go even to thinking of it as a human being - because that means the world lost someone sweet, vibrant, full of life...and important to everyone who knew the baby was coming.
I'm glad your husband understands. He's the most important supporter you've got. He sounds like a real comfort.
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Posted: Mon Dec 25, 2006 8:48 pm
Somebody once told me that there is a word for those who have lost a spouse (widow/widower) and one for those who have lost parents (orphan) but that losing a child is so horendous that there is no name for parents who have lost their children. I am not sure that that is true - but I can't think of a term right off that I know of to describe parents who have lost their child/ren. Happy holidays and look forward to happier ones! heart
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Posted: Tue Dec 26, 2006 8:03 am
There isn't. In fact, when the subject of the lost child comes up, just about everyone has a go at changing the subject as quickly as possible. Whenever I talk about my brother, most people have a go at pointing out that I didn't lose anything (note lack of referring to him as a person) because he died before I was born. But anyone who's been in a home where a loved one is gone knows that there's always a hole there, with a bit of personality left and a lot of awkward silences that don't get filled - because "we don't talk about that". Of course, less than a century gone, it was very common for at least one child in any family to die. So maybe the usual word for someone who has lost a child was simply "parent". neutral
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Posted: Tue Dec 26, 2006 1:10 pm
Yvaine, MS Jo.
THe two of you have helped me in the past couple of days in ways that I can't really describe. Your understanding, your compassion...it is more then I could have ever expected. Thank you so much.
Christmas was hard yesterday. I think I spent the largest portion of it crying. And nothing seemed to go right, I tipped over the garbage can, the garbage bag leaked all over the floor, I dropped everything I picked up, our dinner was ruined because it didn't cook properly! Uggg! I'm just happy to be through with it. Still waiting for my nect "cycle" to start...though it's only been two weeks and I was told to expect 4-6 weeks before it would. Our doctors has instructed us to take two months off, so we booked a trip to Hawaii for the TWO of us, away from everyone who expects so much and we can only give so little. It will be ncie to get away and just heal!
Thanks agian Ladies!! You are such wonderful people!!
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Posted: Wed Dec 27, 2006 12:41 pm
Hawaii! Sounds like a wonderful thing to do. Get away and try to start anew in a paradise setting. Not too many expectations, just letting everything go. Wise! Have fun and be sure to give that sweet, understanding husband of yours a hug from us here and let him know we feel sorrow for his loss, too. I wish I could buy him a yellow flower, too. heart
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