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Some sweet doodles by LeeAnn_R!




Thanks a bunch!

Alan: CURSE YOU COLBERT! CURSE YOUUUUUUU! scream

ZOMG IT'S ALAN! He looks uncharacteristically suave!

THANKSES!!!!!

Alan: ...is that a taker? Did my eHarmony account work? ninja

Alan: ...o.O.

*runs*

The majority of this looks good, great, wonderful. I know for a fact that praise really doesn't help the character grow. To save time and energy for the others on my list, I'm going to go straight into the heart of what I don't like, what's sketchy, and other stuff.

I feel that you get the face value of Catholicism, but correct me if you're wrong, you're not (a practicing) Catholic yourself. Maybe this is a error on my part, but that's just the vibe I'm getting. Rermember, though, that I'm Canadian, and we have different mindsets. The sister - the shunning was a good move, very U.S. Conservative. The death thing, not so hot. I could not imagine ANYONE I've ever met who would shun a family member on their deathbed like that after a personal request. I suggest that instead, Alan should agree annoyedly - but after this interview or that show, first. "4-5 days, and I'll be there. This guy will NOT come again." Put everything else above her. The day before the show, she dies. He goes to the funeral, absentmindedly.
The wife - Is she a long-time Catholic? If so, she won't like the idea of a divorce. If she married into the church, great. keep what you have. Otherwise, she should ask for an annulment: The church tries to mediate and help the couple, but if they can't reconcile their differences, the marriage is shattered as a "mistake" and the slate is wiped clean in a way, as if the marriage never happened. Since they don't have kids, it's not much of a problem to go and say the annulment failed.

In general, try and lay off the heavy-duty Catholicism There's the Father for that already on the island. In a way, I felt that reading the "Hell and lakes of flame" put me on the defensive (I'm Catholic myself, but I'm guessing you guessed that). If any other Catholic said that in my presence, I'd YELL at them, quite severely. I don't believe in Gay marriage for example, and have been part of a couple large marches, but I'd say half my close friends are gay. Up here, we believe in positive aid, regardless of what the subject is, and no one would get turned away from the Church. That said, I rarely go to the States (though I'm bombarded by the media from it!) and it may be quite different down there... but I think you've gone a little over the top with it. Tone it down a little, and it'll be better.

The Beatles - Alan: They were hippies! Didn't believe you had to fight for freedom!...(me) They were really big supporters of pacifist movements and everything non-Conservative. Maybe it's an abnormality for Alan, and they exist, but just letting you know that sticks out like a sore thumb.

Science fiction? hardly. Ahem. "Fanciful nonsense to keep people's heads in the clouds! Not grounded to reality!" Ahem. Anyway, Horror and Historicals are great, but Sci-fi is too un-Republican. War and Intrigue would suit him more. "Political books" you could call them, but stuff like Tom Clancy or modern world high tension things.

As for the rest, it's great. Keep him very Republican, muttering about commies and hippies and terrorists, oh my! Donkey stuff is fine, most of it just facts

Your character really reminded me of Willy Loman from "Death of a Salesman". It's a really short play showing what the American Dream really makes of people. You can have a 99% chance of finding it free of charge to read on the internet on a site, that's how I read the IoDM novel. Anyway, Willy Loman would give you a really good pre-experience for your character.


Bress/Peter